“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jun 10, 2014
DEAR AMY: My ex-wife and I have two beautiful, well-adjusted daughters, both in graduate school.

The girls were in middle school when we separated and I began a long-distance relationship, going strong now for several years. My ex and I had some hostility early on, mostly from her end although admittedly I did not always handle things well.

The stars have finally aligned and my soul mate is moving to my town soon. We plan to buy a house together and will probably get married eventually.

My ex and I are now civil and occasionally friendly toward one another. She has always been a great mom. The girls are undoubtedly closer to her than me but our relationships are solid.

Although my girlfriend is the love of my life, in some circles I suspect she is still considered "the home wrecker."

I was slow to introduce her to my daughters, but they gradually got to know and like her. Going forward I anticipate some major things like graduations and weddings will take place, and I can't very well leave my girlfriend at home. I understand that my daughters' wishes take precedence and my concerns are secondary, but is it reasonable to assume that both my girlfriend and I would be invited to events? Should I discuss this with my daughters?

How do I handle the inevitable meeting of my girlfriend and my ex? Would a standard introduction be appropriate?-- Concerned Dad

DEAR CONCERNED: You are overthinking this by a mile.

If this woman moves to your town, moves in with you and becomes your life partner, then she should be included in all family events to which you are invited.

Your daughters should not exclude her, and I suspect that this exclusion might not occur to them unless you introduced the concept.

In advance of this big move, you should call your ex-wife to say to her, "I realize these last few years have occasionally been tough for you and I think you've done an amazing job. Thank you for that. I want to let you know that 'Laura' is going to move here soon. We're planning to live together and I wanted you to hear this from me before you heard it from anyone else."

In the course of your conversation, you should ask for her advice and help with how to tell the girls. She may be helpful in this regard. If not, you'll just have to be straightforward and mature about it. Do not ask anyone's permission. This is your life.

Yes, when the moment comes to introduce these two women, a "standard introduction" is all that's required. The mind reels thinking of alternatives.

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I are in a committed relationship and plan on getting married. His family and I recently attended an out-of-town party hosted by old family friends.

His mother kept introducing me as "John's friend," rather than as his girlfriend. When I asked her about it, she said that it was just the proper thing to do, because we aren't married.

She said that people could infer that we are a couple if they talked to us, and that it wasn't a big deal. Her explanation felt dismissive to me. I can't help but feel that she doesn't want or expect us to be together for long. Should I worry about this?-- John's "Friend"

DEAR FRIEND: Many people don't like being labeled "girlfriend" and John's mother was allowing you to fill in the context.

If you read all sorts of hidden motives into what is actually a very polite introduction, then you are going to have a long and dissatisfied road ahead.

DEAR AMY: I am touched by the "coming out" stories in your column. I came out to my maternal grandmother when she was in her mid-90s and she responded with love. I invited my paternal grandfather to my wedding to a man when he was in his 90s and he called my aunt and complained about it to her. She told him point blank that his comments weren't appreciated.-- Happy Now

DEAR HAPPY: Age has little bearing on how people handle this news.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jun 10, 2014
1 Man, you are a total wuss. From them being in Middle school, to now in Graduate school and only now is this woman becoming a fixture in your life. And no, your kids do not get to decide your happiness, and you're a dolt for thinking so.

2 Girl stuff....

3 I predict as medical science continues to advance that human males will develop the ability to conceive and carry a child to term, thus making us all bisexual.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Jun 10, 2014
1. Soul mate, life partner, home wrecker with whom you have been in a relationship for at least 10 years (middle school to graduate school)?

If you are so concerned about how she will be treated at official family functions, get married.

If your ex objects to the presence of a home wrecker, she has the moral high ground.

If your ex tries to exclude your wife, she is the POS, not you.

2 Quoth Amy "f you read all sorts of hidden motives into what is actually a very polite introduction, then you are going to have a long and dissatisfied road ahead."

Some people spend their life looking for a grudge to hold or a fight to pick.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#4 Jun 10, 2014
1- agree you are way over thinking this. Chillax dude

2- agree you are blowing this out of proportion. Jeebus, you already despise your boyfriend's mother

3- guess what, dude? No one cares!

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#5 Jun 10, 2014
RACE wrote:
3 I predict as medical science continues to advance that human males will develop the ability to conceive and carry a child to term, thus making us all bisexual.
HAHAAHAHAahahahahahahAHhahahah ahahaaAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAA!!!!!
thanks, I needed a laugh.
8^J
blunt advice

Wilmington, DE

#6 Jun 10, 2014
1. If you started a relationship AFTER the separation then she isn't the homewrecker. Your daughters are in grad school and realize this.
2. As Amy said you will be miserable natter what.
3. Yippy. Hope you are having a happy marriage.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#7 Jun 10, 2014
1. How about you grow a pair and be honest with your kids. You owe your gf some respect.

2. Your nose is out of joint over this? I fart in your general direction.

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