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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 May 28, 2013
Dear Amy: After 20 years of marriage and four beautiful kids (the oldest is 14) I found out that my stay-at-home wife has been having an emotional and physical affair with a recently divorced man who is a friend of the family. They were seeing each other even when he was living with his wife, and it has been going on for nearly two years.

My wife does not want a divorce just yet (she would like to wait until the kids are a little older) but continues to communicate with and "see" him when she can.

He left his wife and three girls to live with his elderly parents.

Our home has been in turmoil ever since I found out (yelling and screaming), and her family thinks I am crazy for staying with her, but things are starting to calm down now somewhat.

I am in therapy and on medication to deal with all this.

Is it better for the kids if we stay together, or should we go our separate ways now?

I come from a broken home, and I did not like it. And I know my kids want us to stay together.— Sad Dad

Dear Dad: Parents often find this revelation surprising or upsetting, but I think it's important to realize that your young children do not care deeply about your personal happiness. Nor should they have to.

You are a child of divorce (me too), and your own insight should tell you that your children treasure their own happiness — even if they can't really define or pursue it on
their own.

No matter what drama you and your wife are dealing with, you must do everything possible to shield your children from it (in the moment) and the fallout (afterward).

It is definitely possible for you to recover from this and even repair your marriage, but not while your wife is communicating with her lover. Until you and she receive some clarity, your household will remain in a state of tension and turmoil — and that's not good for anyone.

This situation sounds almost unbearably painful, and if you and your wife cannot live together peacefully, you might want to ask her to leave the household for a short time so you can all catch your breath and weigh your options.

Dear Amy: My teenage son just received a gift check from a relative for his birthday for a very small amount —$25. The aunt who sent the check is a single woman (no kids) and a doctor!

My wife and I tried to explain to our son that some people are simply cheap and there is not much we can do about it.

Dear AG: You don't sound spoiled — you are spoiled. Not surprisingly, your children are, too.

In the future, you should feel free to have your son endorse his birthday check over to me. I'll put this amount to good use, donating it to one of my favorite causes: The Mr. Holland's Opus Foundation, which provides musical instruments to school music programs ( mhopus.org ). They'll happily receive a $25 donation.

Otherwise, I suggest you contact this aunt to tell her that your children are simply not worthy recipients of the time, trouble and money she expends.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 May 28, 2013
1 Amy, the marriage is kaput! Why would you even say such a thing? Tell mom to go and lie in the bed she made at her BF house.

Oh, and dad, you dont need therapy and meds, she does. Grow up and admit you got played, then move on.

2 Just add a zero to the check and cash it.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#3 May 28, 2013
L2. No one ever said doctors were financial wizards.
I personally know of a surgeon who recently lost over several million dollars in an investment scheme that went sour.
He too could probably desperately use that $25 dollars right now.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 May 28, 2013
L1: Go now. It'll drive you crazy if you stay with her. Although, stay at home mom to four kids? Watch her get alimony and a butt load of child support awarded.

L2: You are horrible people who never should have bred. You are losers of the highest degree.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#5 May 28, 2013
loose cannon wrote:
L2. No one ever said doctors were financial wizards.
I personally know of a surgeon who recently lost over several million dollars in an investment scheme that went sour.
He too could probably desperately use that $25 dollars right now.
Your post doesn't even make sense in light of the letter.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 May 28, 2013
Whats your point?
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Your post doesn't even make sense in light of the letter.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#7 May 28, 2013
1: Just leave. Get a divorce. Kids will adjust. <shrug>

2: Wow. Just freaking wow.
pde

Palatine, IL

#8 May 28, 2013
LW1: if you don't leave, your kids will be able to blame you for a miserable home life with parents who don't love each other; if you do leave, your kids will be able to blame you for a broken home.

Leave. With the second option, you have a head-start on rebuilding your own life.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#9 May 28, 2013
L2: Fake letter. She just wanted to promote that charity.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#10 May 28, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Your post doesn't even make sense in light of the letter.
I think what LC was trying to say that, even though the relative is a doctor, doesn't mean that doctor has a lot of money.

Personally, I think no matter what amount is given to you, you need to thank the person and be grateful.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 May 28, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
L2: Fake letter. She just wanted to promote that charity.
I agree with you. Who would write in and say that? There are obnoxious people out there, though. Still...

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#12 May 28, 2013
L1: Leave. Don't teach your children how not to stand up for yourself. Also, keep it sane. Show dignity. Your children are watching.

L2: I agree with Matilda.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#13 May 28, 2013
I'm not privy to all the details, but what I think they were trying to do was open a hospital/clinic in Ireland and the government there took it out from under their feet as the project neared completion and then gave it to their cronies.
He's one of the few good men. Poor guy, he's getting up there in years, but they will be OK.
He's a workaholic. One time he told me that he would rather work on a Saturday morning than go play golf.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#14 May 28, 2013
LW1: I disagree. LW needs to leave for the sake of the kids. They don't need to grow up with all that tension and,e ventually, one of them will find out mom's been living a second life on wh0re island and be REALLY devastated. I think it's better for the kids, in this case, for them to divorce. As Dr Phil says, it's better to be FROM a broken home than to grow up living in one.

LW2: Can people really be this shallow and greedy? A gift is a gift, not matter what/how much it is. You were thought of and that's what matters. Way to raise your kids to be brats.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#16 May 28, 2013
L2 in its entirety. Not that it matters...

"I decided to ask your opinion to see if I should say something to this aunt, send the check back to her or cash it.

I don't want to sound spoiled, but the children always complain to me, and it's not worth the aggravation!-- AG"

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#17 May 28, 2013
1- "It is definitely possible for you to recover from this and even repair your marriage."

Doubt she'd say this if the genders were reversed.

But anyway, throw the btch out of your house. Why are YOU in counseling and on medication? You haven't done nothing wrong. Except for being a pushover cuckold.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#18 May 28, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Although, stay at home mom to four kids? Watch her get alimony and a butt load of child support awarded.
With a good enough lawyer he can get out of that. Knew a stay at home mom with four kids who divorced and all she got was five grand up front. That was it.
pde

Palatine, IL

#19 May 28, 2013
LW2: Seeing the rest of the letter doesn't make it any better. $25 can buy some music from iTunes, several smartphone apps, or some Kindle books. Stuff it, kid. I can't believe the parents didn't say that. If my kid ever complains to me about something like that, I'll take the money. $25 will buy me a couple lunches.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#20 May 28, 2013
LW1: What Toj and Stina said.

LW2: Wow. You told your kids that? Unbelievable. You should have told them to write a nice thank you note to Auntie.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#21 May 28, 2013
LW1: Your ho'ing wife is playing you for a s.u.c.k.er. And, big surprise, Lamy is encouraging you to let her. Leave now. Or better yet, kick the btch out asap. Your kids will be much better off.

LW2: Wow. You're an entitled pos. And you're teaching your kids to be the same way. Awesome.

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