pde

Homer Glen, IL

#41 Apr 9, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
So this statement of yours: "If your "husband" is just gonna be some guy who's putting a roof over your head and an occassional booty call, then you have no business being "married."" is complete fantasy. For many many many people, this was (and still is) in fact, a definition of their marriage.
And as long as there's been some form of booty call involved at some point, that eliminates the possibility of annulment for non-consummation. Which I'm vaguely recalling some states in the US may still have.

As far as I can tell, filing a marriage certificate and having one post-marriage booty call are all that is required for a legally valid heterosexual marriage across all 50 US states.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#42 Apr 9, 2013
1: Counseling is in order here. I'd be t'd off myself if I guy told me he only married me because his daughter needed a mom. But I agree that in most cases, there's usually 2 who are making mistakes, not just one. It may be simply her responses and counseling would give her better ideas how to respond rather than what she's doing. And it would clarify for her whether she needs to leave this marriage. If he doesn't agree to go with her or doesn't make any efforts to change, I'd say she should leave.
2: This woman sounds like a control freak and her boyfriend should dump her. I bet she badgers him so much that he thinks he's safer lying to her. Either she needs to grow up, gain some maturity, or he needs to recognize he will be henpecked forever if he marries her. This is just a hint of what he can expect for the rest of his life with her. On second thought, I hope he reads this column, recognizes his girlfriend's letter and just runs.
3: It isn't at all unusual for people to behave differently than what someone else thinks is appropriate. We can't always judge because we aren't them. If you think you can dictate how everyone else in your family acts, think again. Just get over it or your life will be a misery.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#43 Apr 9, 2013
"To honor and obey," "forsaking all others," I'm not the one making these rules, people.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#44 Apr 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
"To honor and obey," "forsaking all others," I'm not the one making these rules, people.
You do realize that there is no singular universal set of marriage vows, right? I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that most brides nowadays are not vowing to obey their husband. Many couples write their own vows.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#45 Apr 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
"To honor and obey," "forsaking all others," I'm not the one making these rules, people.
Nor is the government.

And those would be the rules for a Christian marriage, formed in the Christian church. Which many marriages are not. How do you know the couple in the original letter was married in the Christian church?

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Cedar Grove, TN

#46 Apr 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Hey, I am not the one who dictates the rules on marriage. There's a case in front of the supreme court on this very issue. The rules are already laid out and defined. Either you're gonna take them seriously, or you're not. If you're not, then you have no business entering in to such a union. Individuals do not get to make up their own rules.
Race does. If he thinks a rule is stupid, he gets to disregard it.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Cedar Grove, TN

#47 Apr 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
"To honor and obey,"
I you take that seriously, you will die alone. Fact.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#48 Apr 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> You do realize that there is no singular universal set of marriage vows, right? I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that most brides nowadays are not vowing to obey their husband. Many couples write their own vows.
When we were married, we were offered about five different sets of vows that the church would let us do, or we could have written our own.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#49 Apr 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> You do realize that there is no singular universal set of marriage vows, right? I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that most brides nowadays are not vowing to obey their husband. Many couples write their own vows.
Apparently, New York State does not include obeying one's husband in- the marriage vows in marriage ceremonies officiated by Justices of the Peace. My husband and I were married by a JP over 40 years ago and I listened carefully for those words. I intended to say I agreed to all the vows except that one. I was so busy listening for those words, I have no idea what else he said. I just knew I wasn't going to agree to obey anyone because I view marriage as a partnership, not a master-servant relationship. ;-)
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#50 Apr 9, 2013
Pippa wrote:
<quoted text>
Apparently, New York State does not include obeying one's husband in- the marriage vows in marriage ceremonies officiated by Justices of the Peace. My husband and I were married by a JP over 40 years ago and I listened carefully for those words. I intended to say I agreed to all the vows except that one. I was so busy listening for those words, I have no idea what else he said. I just knew I wasn't going to agree to obey anyone because I view marriage as a partnership, not a master-servant relationship. ;-)
I think the obey vow has been gone from even many of the religious marriage vows for quite a while.

The basic Catholic marriage vows are, for example:

"I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life."

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Cedar Grove, TN

#51 Apr 9, 2013
Pippa wrote:
<quoted text>
Apparently, New York State does not include obeying one's husband in- the marriage vows in marriage ceremonies officiated by Justices of the Peace. My husband and I were married by a JP over 40 years ago and I listened carefully for those words. I intended to say I agreed to all the vows except that one. I was so busy listening for those words, I have no idea what else he said. I just knew I wasn't going to agree to obey anyone because I view marriage as a partnership, not a master-servant relationship. ;-)
Ok, now that is silly. You were so busy listening for those words that you missed everything else? You couldn't have said something ahead of time? Or you couldn't have just gone along, realizing the whole thing is just ceremonial and that your husband (I assume) had no expectations that you would "obey" him?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#52 Apr 9, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Nor is the government.
And those would be the rules for a Christian marriage, formed in the Christian church. Which many marriages are not. How do you know the couple in the original letter was married in the Christian church?
Maybe Jewish vows don't require the couple to forsake all others, but that's not what I have experience with. And maybe honor and obey is gone, it's been ten years since I've last been to a wedding, but my point is, the rules are in the vows, it's not something I'm making up which is what I was defending against.

And hi Pippa!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#53 Apr 9, 2013
yup, kinda like you.
Sam I Am GEAM wrote:
<quoted text>
Race does. If he thinks a rule is stupid, he gets to disregard it.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#54 Apr 9, 2013
So your saying the vows make the rules, but even if the vows have changed the rules have not?

splain.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Maybe Jewish vows don't require the couple to forsake all others, but that's not what I have experience with. And maybe honor and obey is gone, it's been ten years since I've last been to a wedding, but my point is, the rules are in the vows, it's not something I'm making up which is what I was defending against.
And hi Pippa!

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Cedar Grove, TN

#55 Apr 9, 2013
RACE wrote:
yup, kinda like you.
<quoted text>
Really? And what rules have I said I would disregard?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#56 Apr 9, 2013
RACE wrote:
So your saying the vows make the rules, but even if the vows have changed the rules have not?
splain.
<quoted text>
I don't think that's what I'm saying.

I'm unaware of any marriage vows that state: "ok, you two are gonna live in the same house, but sleep in different rooms, live as room-mates, and be each other's weekly booty call, and see other people, etc etc..."

So IF that is your marriage, you are making a mockery of your vows, and your marriage is a sham. The sensible thing to do in that case is either try to fix it, or end it.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#57 Apr 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't think that's what I'm saying.
I'm unaware of any marriage vows that state: "ok, you two are gonna live in the same house, but sleep in different rooms, live as room-mates, and be each other's weekly booty call, and see other people, etc etc..."
So IF that is your marriage, you are making a mockery of your vows, and your marriage is a sham. The sensible thing to do in that case is either try to fix it, or end it.
So which is it? Stay together in sickness and health, for better or worse? Or bag it because husband snores so loudly that wife can only get some sleep in a different room?

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Cedar Grove, TN

#58 Apr 9, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
So which is it? Stay together in sickness and health, for better or worse? Or bag it because husband snores so loudly that wife can only get some sleep in a different room?
C'mon, Squish, there is obviously a difference between not sharing a bed out of spite and a lack of love and not sharing a bed because someone snores.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#59 Apr 9, 2013
Sam I Am GEAM wrote:
<quoted text>
C'mon, Squish, there is obviously a difference between not sharing a bed out of spite and a lack of love and not sharing a bed because someone snores.
Ooops. Silly me.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#60 Apr 9, 2013
and I am unaware of any vows that specifically state you MUST sleep in the same bed, MUST have sex nightly in a specific manner, and MUST have sex ONLY with your spouse. That would mean everytime you masturbated you would be breaking that vow.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't think that's what I'm saying.
I'm unaware of any marriage vows that state: "ok, you two are gonna live in the same house, but sleep in different rooms, live as room-mates, and be each other's weekly booty call, and see other people, etc etc..."
So IF that is your marriage, you are making a mockery of your vows, and your marriage is a sham. The sensible thing to do in that case is either try to fix it, or end it.

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