“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jul 29, 2014
DEAR AMY: My husband is active-duty military. We move quite often. There is a Facebook page dedicated to the military spouse community in most locations. They are great resources for newcomers with numerous questions.

Upon introducing myself to a new group online, I'll typically receive several friend requests from group members. I am not at all comfortable adding virtual strangers to a Web page that I reserve for close friends and family to keep up with my doings across the country.

I have gained a few wonderful friends from these adds, but I have also ended up deleting and therefore causing bad feelings in what can be a very small community, because I'll eventually see how some of these women "act" via Internet and then realize that we have very little in common.

With acquaintances that I am not on Web pages with, I say that I rarely use Facebook and give them my email until I get to know them better. Since these women can see that I'm participating in the Facebook group, I can't use that excuse.

A tactful way of dodging these requests would be much appreciated.-- Military Wife

DEAR WIFE: Simply tell the truth: "I only use my personal Facebook page for very long-term friends and family members, but I am enjoying communicating on the group page. It would be better for me to exchange email addresses -- if that works for you."

DEAR AMY: I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 10 years.

I love him dearly, but a few months ago I started an affair with one of my co-workers. It started out as harmless flirting and kissing, but then it went further. We were sexually intimate twice. My co-worker is also in a relationship.

He recently moved away (family matters), and now I can't stop thinking about him.

When we started our affair, it was only for fun. We both agreed to this. But now I feel something more.

I love my boyfriend, but I'm tired of the way things are going -- no marriage, he's not working and I don't want to go through this for one more year.

I've told my boyfriend how I feel numerous times. He swears he's going to change, but I don't see any improvement.

Should I tell my "buddy" how I feel or just leave well enough alone? What should I do about my boyfriend?-- Love or Lust

DEAR L OR L: My advice to you really doesn't have much to do with the two dead-end relationships you are considering.

After 10 years of stasis, your boyfriend will probably not change -- not enough, anyway.

You can say whatever you want to your affair partner (I suggest being honest), but he will not leave his other relationship and move back to be with you.

Your efforts should be directed toward your own personal development. Your choice to deal with your frustration by having an affair is a common and very cowardly way to behave. To change your future, you are going to have to be more engaged in improving your own life without these men in it.

DEAR AMY: I'm responding to the letter from "Worried Wife": The wife was sitting next to her husband and started looking at his phone content, and he slapped it away. He claimed he was "merely protecting his privacy."

It's too bad that society has created this aura of privacy. There aren't any secrets or privacy in a good marriage, just bad ones. Since he has nothing to hide, then he should have said, "Next time you want to look at my phone, you may if you ask." -- Happy Husband

DEAR HAPPY HUSBAND: I agree with the response you suggest from the husband, but the question came from the wife, who was trying to justify her choice to grab his phone, punch in the pass code and scroll through his messages.

I agree that there should not be secrecy in a good marriage, but I disagree about privacy. I think every member of a family has a right to personal privacy -- certainly when there is no reason to suspect anything is amiss.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#2 Jul 29, 2014
LW1: I just wouldn’t care so much about it. If they get all bent out of shape about being unfriended, that’s on them. Stop worrying so much about what other people think.

LW2: Sure, tell him how you feel. See what he says. If you are having sex with him, you should be able to talk about such things. Who knows, but keep in mind that he may not want what you are now wanting. He was straight forward at the outset and said it was just for fun. I also think if a man has feelings like that for a woman, he's not just going to drop off the face of the planet. He'll find a way to keep in contact with her.

I’d also just end your relationship with your current guy. He sounds like he needs to get his shyte together. It might serve as a wake up call to him too and make him a better person in the process. Let him find someone who loves him and you go find someone who meets your needs.

LW3: I would be annoyed if my wife did that.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Houston, TX

#3 Jul 29, 2014
1- get over yourself, you're not ruining anyone's day by not friending them on fb. Use fb on your terms or don't use it at all

2- lady, find a relationship that's gonna go somewhere if that's what you're wanting

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#4 Jul 29, 2014
Lw1: Have you tried simply ignoring the friend request? FB does not send off messages teling people they've been denied. Chances are they won't even notice you did not accept their request.

Lw2: You love your bf? Who are you trying to convince? Us or yourself? Cause I ain't buyin it.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Jul 29, 2014
L1: I agree with Tonka. Ignore the FB request. Alternatively, you can set your privacy settings so that if you do "friend" them they can only see certain things.

L2: I don't think this chick is ready for a relationship and I hope both guys do better.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Jul 29, 2014
L3: No privacy? Um, yes there is privacy in a good marriage! In a bad marriage you have to work at keeping your privacy which should be a given and try to pry at your spouses privacy.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#7 Jul 29, 2014
LW1: I also try not to accept friend requests from people that I don't know well. I think that's reasonable. People will be offended if you un-friend them, BUT there is an "acquaintance" feature on FB that can be helpful. Or you can hide their posts.

LW2: I agree w/Amy and I don't think your affair partner is on the same page as you. As to your boyfriend, the main problem, IMHO, is "he's not working". Unless he is a trust fund baby, that means that either you are supporting both of you or he's living in his parents' basement. It's no wonder that you are dissatisfied. If he's your live-in boyfriend, he may not have a place to go if you throw him out. I think you should very strongly suggest that he look for a job. Marriage is not something you should even consider unless and until both of you get your acts together.

( I read an article just yesterday about why people have affairs. The author/researcher said that universally, people said the same 3 words, "I feel alive". And she said that many times it is due to the person's dissatisfaction with his/her own life.)

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#8 Jul 29, 2014
LW1: Make up a second FB page to use with the military wives.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#9 Jul 29, 2014
It would serve LW2 right if her boy friend said he found someone of his own-(-and I hope a bored college kid made this letter up out of that song).

Didn't Lw3 get all the coverage it needs already? Glance at some healthy potential discussions between spouses:
(a) She asks before borrowing his phone.
(b) He tells her he was planning a surprise for her and she'll open the present before its time if she looks at it on his phone.
(c) He advises her that he has a client's texts on a confidential matter and he would rather not put her in the position of seeing that matter.
or
(d) other

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