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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jan 18, 2014
DEAR AMY: My mother is only slightly overweight and otherwise in good health. She has struggled with losing anywhere from 10 to 30 pounds for as long as I can remember.

Her best success has been with Weight Watchers, and with daily walks. My mom opens up to me about her extreme frustration with her failure to lose weight. I cheer her on and try to be positive and supportive if she brings it up. Otherwise I keep my opinions to myself.

It can be difficult to be with her when she eats. She and I have very different opinions of what a "healthy meal" means. I am sensitive to the awful dynamic of a grown daughter lecturing her mother on "proper nutrition."

I was one of those "know it all" teenagers (is there another kind?) who came of age in the "fat free" '90s. There are still family jokes about my crazy diet.(Suffice it to say I have left those ideas in my past!)

I recently traveled with her, and her "light meals" consisted of a huge plate of enchiladas, an enormous mayo-loaded seafood salad with garlic bread, desserts at least once a day, and the ultimate diet food: A massive chef's salad.

Amy, she is a nurse and has 20-plus years in Weight Watchers behind her. She should understand the basics of nutrition. How can I help her? Does she really want help, or should I just continue to be supportive of her efforts while keeping my opinions to myself?-- Trying to be Supportive

DEAR TRYING: You should ask your mother if she wants your help. But realize that if she is a nurse and has been following Weight Watchers for 20 years, there probably isn't much you can tell her about nutrition or portion control that she doesn't already know.

It seems the only thing she may not fully understand is impulse control. Weight Watchers has a handy smartphone app that might help her track her food intake (preferably before the actual intake). You could suggest it.

However, if she is only slightly overweight and is basically fit, the answer for her might be to work harder to accept herself just as she is. And to buy bigger trousers.

It sounds as if you have also had a lifetime preoccupation with dieting. If so, you might realize that your mother's struggles with body image bring up uncomfortable long-term issues for you.

DEAR AMY: My husband and I were first-time dinner guests at a friend's home. She has a lovely home, very clean and nicely decorated. She herself is very clean and tidy.

While chatting with her in the kitchen, as she chopped salad, I noticed she would push her hair back, leave the room to get an item to show me and touch other things, then return to preparing food, without washing her hands.

This isn't too much of a big deal, but while cutting cake for dessert, she used her fingers to steady slices as she placed them on each plate, licking the frosting off her fingers in between each slice and then touching the next slice, again without washing.

I was at a loss for words and ate the cake, thinking of her licking her fingers with every bite I took.

Your thoughts, please?-- Grossed Out

DEAR GROSSED OUT: People preparing food touch cabinet knobs, utensil handles, the kitchen counter, etc.-- usually without washing hands after every transaction. Licking one's fingers before touching the next slice of cake is unappetizing, but I don't think you should worry about it.

Obviously, if you are concerned about food safety, you should protect your health and not consume any food you believe is contaminated.

DEAR AMY: "Fearful" had a long-term relationship with a cheap guy. She seems confused about her relationship status, referring to him as both "my boyfriend" and "fiance."

After four years she may think marriage is coming and he may be fine with the status quo. Instead of poking into his finances, she should be asking where their relationship is going, since he clearly doesn't want to open a joint account.-- Voice of Experience

DEAR VOICE: Absolutely.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 Jan 18, 2014
1- If you're on Weight-Watchers for 20+ years, you might want to try something else.

2- Are you dead yet? Even hypochondriacs would tell you to get over it

3- Glad we have Amy to make our relationship decisions for us!

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#3 Jan 18, 2014
LW1: It's really simple to lose weight, eat less calories than you burn. The only stopping folks is they don't want to ... they'd rather be fat than eat less calories. If she bought a food scale and weighed everything she ate, and limited her calories to 1300 a day, she'd have 20 pounds off in a couple of months.

I burn 2700 calories a day (I know this because weighed myself on a $2500 scale, monitored my calorie intake for a week, and then weighed myself a week later, noted how much weight I lost and computed how much I must be burning each day ... if I didn't sit at a desk all day I would be burning so much more) and I'm only eating 1500-1300 a day. So, a woman should be able to live off of 1300 calories, no problem.

LW2: I try to remember to wash my hands every time I return to the kitchen and I wouldn't be licking my fingers, but I also wouldn't be freaking out about it.

LW3: Dumb

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#4 Jan 18, 2014
LW1 - 20 years with Weight Watchers! What an endorsement. Your mother does not want to lose weight - she is in love with the idea of losing weight. If she wanted to lose weight she would change her life style to the one thin people use. Eat less and move more.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#5 Jan 18, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
(I know this because weighed myself on a $2500 scale
You spent $2500 on a scale?!?

I spent $9

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#6 Jan 18, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
You spent $2500 on a scale?!?
I spent $9
Hells no ... I wish it were mine.

It was at my work. They have all sorts of health initiatives and incentives. I'm doing one where I have to lose 10 pounds by April 20-something. I had to weigh in last Wednesday and then this week I had to way in on Wednesday for a %body fat challenge, where you have to lose 5% body fat by the same date. I had already lost 2.3 pounds since my last weigh in and I went off my diet for one day during that week.

It prints out a report ... gives you your % body fat (I want go get down to 5%... I'm at 17.8%... once I get down to that, I will up my calorie intake, go on protein shakes and just put on muscle, but i want to lose all my fat first), your core weight, your basal calorie requirements, all sorts of other stuff.

It was so cool (mine just gives you your weight and percent body fat) and figured, hey I'd love to get one ... then I saw how much it cost.:(

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Jan 18, 2014
I just realized that going off that one day (it was for dinner ... not the whole day), effed up my calorie calculation, tho. I must burn more than 2700 a day. I'm guessing it's closer to 2750-2800 a day (I didn't go hog wild that day).

That is what the LW needs to do tho or anyone who is serious about losing weight. Weigh in in a really accurate scale. Monitor all the calories you consume over a week. Weigh in a gain after that week. Figure out how much you gained or lost. Then use that to determine how many calories on average you burn during the day.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#8 Jan 18, 2014
LW1 - Just stop lecturing your mother about her food choices. Just stop.

Oh, and WW is complete crock. The point of a good weight-management program is to learn the skills of managing healthy eating and exercise on your own. You pay for a period of time, learn what you need to learn, and then go on and do it on your own. If you can't do it on your own without paying for it for 20 years, it's not a good program. WW fosters complete dependency on their point system. That's why they have life-long memberships and make a bundle on their special products.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#9 Jan 18, 2014
LW2 - Did the items she showed you include toilet brushes or garbage pails? Used tissues? The cat-litter scoop? Was her hair covered in toxic chemicals? No? Then you, lady, need therapy for your extreme germaphobia. How in the world do you leave your house?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#10 Jan 18, 2014
L1 She is only a lttle overweight? She i not trying very hard to lose weight. She is otherwise healthy?

Unless all you hear from her is about WW points, STFU

L2 You are a germaphobe. That's your choice. There is some pretty good evidence that people like you are more susceptible to infections and viruses because you don't build up an immunity.

On the other hand, I just read that bartenders in CA now have to wear food service gloves for hygiene. Sigh

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#11 Jan 18, 2014
We've been doing very low carb since July (30ish grams of net carbs per day). I'm down about 18 pounds without counting calories or doing much exercise besides hockey 3 times a week. A few more weeks and my driver's license weight will be accurate!
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#12 Jan 18, 2014
LW1: Every single person I know who is overweight tells me, "I want to lose weight." But few of them make the changes necessary for weight loss. I rarely give them advice because people know what they need to do to lose weight. Your mother's a nurse and a Weight Watchers member. She absolutely knows what to do. Say nothing.

LW2: Team PEllen all the way.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#13 Jan 18, 2014
Yay for Mattie!

I'm trying to lose 10 pounds of my "winter fat." I've been drinking more, but only lost five so far :(

Guess I'll have to drink even MORE! Sure as hell ain't gonna bother with exercise and eating right!

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#14 Jan 18, 2014
That's the other cool thing about low carb. Two glasses of red wine last night at the hockey game and I was toasty. J's like, "Did you drink before we went out? You seem drunk." I didn't and I am!

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#15 Jan 18, 2014
Matilda77 wrote:
That's the other cool thing about low carb. Two glasses of red wine last night at the hockey game and I was toasty. J's like, "Did you drink before we went out? You seem drunk." I didn't and I am!
I hardly have drank at all since I started my program. I'm buzzed off of one or two.

I weigh pretty much what I weighed in high school, now. I have 20 more pounds to lose to get to 5%-6%.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#16 Jan 18, 2014
A lot of drinking is just inconsistent with being really fit. Too many calories. I was drinking two or three times a week over the spring/summer and I can drink a lot. I just stopped.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#17 Jan 18, 2014
I switched from white wine and hard cider to red wine. Now, cider tastes like syrup to me.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#18 Jan 18, 2014
Matilda77 wrote:
I switched from white wine and hard cider to red wine. Now, cider tastes like syrup to me.
You are drinking the wrong kind of cider.

Speaking of which, they are doing the cider tasting shindig at Navy Pier again this year on 2-8. Might you be enticed? They had some really good stuff last year,not sweet at all

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#19 Jan 18, 2014
Cass wrote:
LW1 - Just stop lecturing your mother about her food choices. Just stop.
Oh, and WW is complete crock. The point of a good weight-management program is to learn the skills of managing healthy eating and exercise on your own. You pay for a period of time, learn what you need to learn, and then go on and do it on your own. If you can't do it on your own without paying for it for 20 years, it's not a good program. WW fosters complete dependency on their point system. That's why they have life-long memberships and make a bundle on their special products.
How do you know she'a not doing on her own using the WW point system?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#20 Jan 19, 2014
Matilda77 wrote:
I switched from white wine and hard cider to red wine. Now, cider tastes like syrup to me.
I like red (didn't used to) wine. I don't drink cider ... have had it a few times, but I'd rather have a beer. Beer has so many calories, tho. Over the course of 6-8 hours on the lake ... It's easy to drink 8-10 beers.

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