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“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Sep 4, 2013
DEAR AMY: I’m a grandmother who likes to have the family over for a Sunday meal. My husband and I like to cook. We have a large garden and like to eat a healthy variety of foods.

My daughter, who’s the mother of two of my young grandchildren, has food issues. Her requirements vary. She will say she is on a juice cleanse, or that she is no longer consuming gluten or nightshade vegetables; today she is not eating pasta, bread or potatoes.

I received a text message very late last night with this new “no carbs” list. I had already made dough for make-it-yourself pizzas. I thought this would give everyone a chance to participate.(On Sundays my daughter is often hung over from Saturday-night reveling. I figured that, if she was napping, this could be a project the kids would enjoy.)

But she forces her children to follow her restrictive diets and lectures them about it. I try not to react to my daughter’s rude outbursts to her kids and to us.

Her two siblings have a strained relationship with her. Her brother prefers to just skip dinners when she is present. He says she has made his life miserable enough. How should we handle this?-- Burdened Mom

DEAR BURDENED: Let’s go back to your comment about your daughter’s hangovers. Has it occurred to you that her drinking might be behind at least some of her behavior?

Food obsessions are often about control. She is likely trying to control you (and her children), and she is succeeding. Because her food requirements change so frequently, you should realize that she is really saying that she wants to be in charge of her own eating.

From now on, ask her to bring and prepare her own food for herself and the children. If she is too hung over to interact with you and her children respectfully, she has an additional problem, which I believe should be acknowledged and addressed.

DEAR AMY: I invited “Karen” into our all-couples group of friends. She is single. No one objected, including my wife. We have gotten together once a month for dinner over the past few months. At one point, my wife did tell me to please “discourage the overboard touchy-feely stuff.”

Thirteen of us met last night for dinner, and Karen pushed between my wife and me and took the chair next to me. While we were waiting for our food, she laid her head on my shoulder and her left arm around my neck and brought her hand up to caress my cheek.

My wife shocked me when she looked at the two of us and said,“Karen, that is my husband you are coiled around. So, please disengage so I don’t have to come over there and slap some sense into you.” Karen said nothing as she stalked out.

I don’t know what to do. Should I call Karen and apologize, or should I insist that my wife call her and apologize? My wife hasn’t mentioned the incident, so I don’t know how she would respond.-- At a Loss

DEAR LOSS: Assuming this really happened (and is not merely a plot recap from “The Young and the Restless”), I’d say that you and your wife are the ones who need to talk.

On the one hand, she definitely took care of business in her own (socially threatening) way. On the other, she treated you like a kitten stuck in a tree. You conveniently don’t say how you felt about “Karen’s” encroachment. When you talk to your wife, this is the information void that needs to be filled.

DEAR AMY: With all due respect for your column, which I read, love and sometimes use in my therapy practice, the issue with “Of Sound Mind” and “Happily Childless” is not the gender of the physician refusing to sterilize because the patient “will change her mind,” but the condescension and abuse of authority by any doctor or “expert” who crosses way over the line of appropriately “counseling” the patient. I think you missed the point, Amy.-- Tish

DEAR TISH: I have heard from many women who say their female doctors also refused to sterilize them. Thank you for raising this point.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Sep 4, 2013
L1: "Food obsessions are often about control. She is likely trying to control you (and her children), and she is succeeding." I don't know. If she has a drinking problem, she may view food as one of the few things she can control. LW, your daughter's kids need you more than ever. Maybe you can have the kids over without mom around all the time. It sounds like it'd be much more pleasant.

L2: You GD MF idiot. WHy don't you just bang Karen, like you know you want to do, and let your wife find a real man to be with.

L3: Dear lord, just sterilize anyone who wants it. I don't see the big deal. So they have a regret about it 10 years later? I can live with that.
cjzag

Franklin Square, NY

#3 Sep 4, 2013
LW2: I usually agree with Amy's responses but WTF!!! The LW should be on his knees apologising to HIS WIFE!! This cannot be real.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Sep 4, 2013
In the wapo forum, people pointed out the logistical errors in LW2. Karen squeezed in between LW and his wife, but then when wife chewed Karen out, she said something about "coming over there"? So it was agreed that while the scenario likely is true, the letter actually was written by someone else who observed it all.

And wife, your wrath is aimed at the wrong person. Karen misbehaved for sure, but your husband is guiltier here and should have not allowed it and tolerated it. My boyfriend wouldn't.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#5 Sep 4, 2013
1 Agree with the food = control. Beitch be F*up
and agree that she should be told to bring her own stuff if she does not want (as opposed to "cant") eat what you provide.

2 I call fake letter, If its real you are a moron.

3 I thought we sterilized this rehash so it could not spawn more little rehashes of itself?

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#6 Sep 4, 2013
1. Your daughter is driving the rest of your kids away. Be a big girl and address this PITA directly.

2. Your wife did you a favor so cut her some slack. Methinks there was too much wine served and some people became disinhibited.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#7 Sep 4, 2013
Squeezed in between means the two women were beside each other, so she would not have to go anywhere.
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Karen squeezed in between LW and his wife, but then when wife chewed Karen out, she said something about "coming over there"? So it was agreed that while the scenario likely is true,

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#8 Sep 4, 2013
LW1: Let your daughter stay home and nurse her hangover. You pick up the kids and have them over so they can have time with you and be away from their unstable mom. Is your daughter married/involved? If so, you can talk to her SO, too. If not, where are the kids when she's getting wasted on Saturday?

LW2: First off, I don't think ANYONE needs to apologize to Karen. If anything, Karen should apologise. BUT, the husband SHOULD also apologize to his wife for not nipping this in the bud. I think he liked the attention.

Lw3: This is the 4,000th rehash on this topic. At what point can we vomit it out and forget about it?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#9 Sep 4, 2013
LW1: Tell her the menu is non-negotiable and if she doesn’t like it she can bring her own food or stay at home.

LW2: I don’t believe this, but if it happened, it’s hard to blame your wife and you are a moron, who treats your wife like dirt, if you are thinking of calling Karen to apologize.

LW3: Wrong. A doctor has the right to refuse to perform a procedure (s)he finds unethical.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#10 Sep 4, 2013
LW1 - Host Sunday dinners for some other people. Stop inviting your daughter. If she comes without invitation, tell her she can eat what's served or go hungry - her choice.

LW2 - I don't have any advice for this guy. For the wife, though - find a really good divorce attorney.

LW3 - Team Red. 1000 times over. Maybe if more people got sterilized at age 18 and regretted it by age 28, there would be more adoptions of unwanted kids.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Sep 4, 2013
L1: Have her bring her own food. If she doesn't come b/c she might as well have it at home too, offer to take the kids. If she's hungover she'll love that, you get to see the grandkids and not put up with her bs.

L2: I don't believe this letter is real. If it is, how can such a moron know how to write and mail a letter?

L3: There's no improving on Red's comment.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 Sep 4, 2013
L2: If the genders were reversed, and it were a man behaving that way to a woman--touching her, putting his head on her shoulder, I don't think Amy's response would be the same.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#13 Sep 4, 2013
Heh over at the Wapo, someone said re: LW1:

"I don’t know what to do. Should I call Karen and tell her the three-way is off? Or should I just go over to her place alone? I haven't mentioned the menage a trois to my wife, so I don’t know how she would respond.-- At a Loss

There. Fixed it for you, buddy.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#14 Sep 4, 2013
LW1: You need to tell her that if *she* has certain food requirements, then she should bring that for herself, but that *you and the kids* will be eating whatever you prepare. No way should the kids be held hostage to their mom's crazy food issues when they are at grandma's!

LW2: Let's see...you invited this woman into your group, your wife has already asked for you to knock off the touchy-feely stuff with this woman and then you're shocked when your wife finally reacts because you didn't knock off the touchy-feely stuff.

But you'll be shocked by the divorce papers too. <eyeroll>

LW3: What Red said.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#15 Sep 4, 2013
Dang! That was supposed to be "Bet you'll be shocked..."

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#16 Sep 4, 2013
1- Stop inviting the btch!

2- Um, Karen is the one who owes your wife an apology, you clueless idiot.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#17 Sep 4, 2013
1. My girls have gone through diets., but they are my kids. Just say, come on over, we will find something for you. Keep a head of iceberg lettuce for her.

Or whoever suggested it- go pick up the kids so daughter can have some free time. Feed them pizza. They will love you. Feed them healthy veggies so they can tell their mom what "good" stuff they had.

Kids manipulate parents all the time; parents can return the favor. Its all good.

2. Stina hit the nail on the head. LW is enjoying the attention
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#18 Sep 4, 2013
LW1: Always make a healthy salad and prepare a fruit bowl to go along with whatever else you are serving.

LW2: Your wife gave you a warning to discourage the "overboard touchy-feely stuff" and you failed to do so. Good for your wife for taking matters into her own hands and telling Karen to back the F off. I would have done the same thing. You owe your WIFE and apology and Karen needs to find another group of friends, preferably single friends, to hang out with.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#19 Sep 4, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: Always make a healthy salad and prepare a fruit bowl to go along with whatever else you are serving.
Excellent suggestion
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#20 Sep 4, 2013
1: You're her freaking mother! Presumably you raised her and got onto her as a child. Keep doing it, sheesh.

2: LW, I really wish you'd read these boards so you could know what a pathetic doosh you are!
Please ask yourself--why are you willing to put Karen's comfort over your wife's?

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