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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Feb 6, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: I've read your column for years, and now I want your advice. I am a freshman in college and a couple of months ago I was dumped by my first boyfriend. We weren't together very long, but I am still hung up over him.

Winter break has ended and I'll have to see him; I don't know how I am supposed to feel. How do I get over him?-- Breakup Hang-Up

DEAR HANG-UP: It occurs to me that I have been writing this column for more than half of your life. And I've lived the whole "how to get over him" question for far longer.

How are you supposed to feel? Exactly the way you do feel. However, how you act can have an impact on how you feel, and to some extent, you can consciously "act" your way out of this.

When I was your age and going through this I was so freaked (and geeked) out, I literally fell over from nerves in front of a former object of my affection. Please -- do not do this. But forgive yourself if you do.

Model your own behavior on the coolest person you can think of and act like that person. Avoid your ex but prepare yourself for those times when you'll run into him. Do not fall over. Stand tall. Act cool. Stuff down the drama and act neutral. Self-medicate only with the warmth of your friendships and Nora Ephron movies. Plunge into your schoolwork and extracurriculars. Do not drink. Erase his number from your phone.

Spring will come, and by the time the lilacs are in bloom you will feel better.

DEAR AMY: I'm 23 and recently graduated from college. After I moved back home, I realized that there aren't any available jobs in my field of study. I have no job experience, no car (or license), and my student loan bills are starting to pile up.

I've been struggling to find a job for months. However, no one seems to be willing to hire me because of my lack of work experience. I don't want to be a burden on my family. Any advice?-- Worried

DEAR WORRIED: Volunteer for an organization whose goals you share. Take any paying gigs you can get, including baby-sitting, plant-watering, cleaning houses or shoveling snow. Work on getting a driver's license (even if you don't have access to a car, this skill is very important).

Everybody has a first job -- eventually. Any work experience (paid or volunteer) will help your pitch, keep you busy, and bring in some dough while you continue to pursue your first professional opportunity.

DEAR AMY: You get many letters from people asking if they should wait around to see if a husband/boyfriend/wife/girlfri end still wants to be with them or wondering why they haven't heard back from the guy/girl they went out with last week.

I want to share some advice that I got from my mother when I was 15 years old. I asked her why my "boyfriend" wasn't returning my calls and why he avoided me at school. She said: "Ask yourself that question, dear. Why would you avoid someone or not return his calls?"

I said "because I don't want to talk to them or see them." She then gave me the most important advice of my life. "Actions speak louder than words. People can 'say' whatever they like, but it's their actions that show their true feelings." In this day of texting, email, tweeting and Facebook, we are bombarded with people's words. Words are just words -- people's actions are what really matter.-- Older and Wiser

DEAR WISER: Your mother was one smart cookie. Thank you for sharing her tried (and very true) wisdom.

DEAR AMY: When "Guilty" said he/she was aggressive at a party, you blamed drinking for the aggression. I disagree. Guilty claimed to have imbibed one drink!-- Incredulous

DEAR INCREDULOUS: "Guilty" claimed to have one glass of wine before guests arrived, but didn't say how much alcohol was consumed later. Guilty also self-reported being "buzzed" and being from an alcoholic and aggressive family. Drinking seemed the common denominator.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#2
Feb 6, 2013
 
L1: "Do not drink."
Yes. Stay away from the devil water.

LW4: "Drinking seemed the common denominator."
Yes. The devil water made her do it.

I sense a theme today.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#3
Feb 6, 2013
 
Amy's primary personal experience with alcohol must have been with some nasty drunks. She can't fathom the idea of people being responsible drinkers.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#4
Feb 6, 2013
 
What a whiny (wineee) column.

totally useless.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#5
Feb 6, 2013
 
Lw1 & 2: Pukasaurus. I agree with Amy on both these.

Lw3: Just a permutation of the Golden Rule.

Lw4: Ah, rehash that smells like three day old beer.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#6
Feb 6, 2013
 
L2. Contact teh college to which you pais large sums of money. They have alumni placement offices which will help. They don't want teh kind of press that New York University is getting of having charged enormous amounts of tuition only to churn out unemployabl graduates.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

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#7
Feb 6, 2013
 
That's right, Pellen.
I was talking with a middle-school teacher recently, this past summer. He is the brother of one my good friends. He received some sort of "Teacher of the Year" award and his classroom was visited by the current sitting president of the US. He teaches science in Chicago.
Anyway, he said that education is big business and that they will give degrees in anything so long as the students are paying tuition and without regard to future employment prospects.
Those were his words, not mine.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

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#8
Feb 6, 2013
 
1 & 3 I still say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

2 It might have helped if you'd majored in something useful. PEllen is 100% on the mark.

4 I'm also sensing a general bias against drinking from Amy.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

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#9
Feb 6, 2013
 

Judged:

3

2

2

2- Welcome to Obama's America. You people wanted this, you got it.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

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#10
Feb 6, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
I sense a theme today.
It's just a coincidence. You're being paranoid.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#11
Feb 6, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
2- Welcome to Obama's America. You people wanted this, you got it.
That long pre-dates Obama. It is a post WW II phenomona that getting a bachelor's degree is the key which opens the door to prosperity. It ramped up in teh 1960-70's as a way for the guys to get student deferrments from VietNam and had general cultural support through the Reagan economy (think being at the top of trickle down economics) and the boom of the 1990's.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#12
Feb 6, 2013
 

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loose cannon wrote:
Anyway, he said that education is big business and that they will give degrees in anything so long as the students are paying tuition and without regard to future employment prospects.
To an extent, I don't have a problem with this. If a student chooses to major in a field for which there is little demand in the real world, why is it the universities problem if he can't find a job? Its one thing to hand out degrees while not providing a sufficient enough education resulting in graduates who do not possess the skills necessary to compete in the marketplace, but its completely different if the student chooses a worthless degree for which there is simply no demand for the skill he acquired while earning his degree. I see no problem if a university offers a curriculum and collects tuition for a degree in Underwater Basket Weaving. Just don't blame the university if you can't get a job.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#13
Feb 6, 2013
 
LW1: First boyfriend, weren’t together very long, and you have to write an advice columnist? I think you need to learn to be happier with yourself. If you are happy with yourself, you’ll do just fine in life, regardless of who comes and goes.

LW2: Don’t you think it would have been a good idea to get some experience in your field while in college? Was I just an exceptionally brilliant college student in that I saw the benefit to this or are you just dumb?

Also, you are 23 and have “no job experience”… as in none … ever. Your parents really dropped the ball with you.

Ask yourself, if you were hiring people, who would you hire … someone like you … someone with no experience in your particular field, but some job experience …. Or someone with job experience in your particular field? You are the low man on the totem pole.

I suggest you try to get any type of job, even if it is as a sandwich artist at subway. Then I suggest you network with folks in your field and see if you can get your foot in the door, even if it means volunteering. When I was in law school … I was so hungry to get experience I offered to work for firms for free. At that point in my life, acquiring experience meant much more than $.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#14
Feb 6, 2013
 

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loose cannon wrote:
That's right, Pellen.
I was talking with a middle-school teacher recently, this past summer. He is the brother of one my good friends. He received some sort of "Teacher of the Year" award and his classroom was visited by the current sitting president of the US. He teaches science in Chicago.
Anyway, he said that education is big business and that they will give degrees in anything so long as the students are paying tuition and without regard to future employment prospects.
Those were his words, not mine.
Education can't give degrees unless people seek them out. It's incumbent upon the person spending large sums of money or taking on large amounts of debt to act like an adult and do their homework, before signing up for something that may or may not be a wise investment. Many people abrogate this responsibility and then whine about how unfair it is that they voluntarily assumed massive debt and can't pay for it all.

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#15
Feb 6, 2013
 
L1: Seriously? And Amy, eff off - I'm drinking.

L2:
"Volunteer for an organization whose goals you share." YES

"Take any paying gigs you can get, including baby-sitting, plant-watering, cleaning houses or shoveling snow." NO. What is s/he, 12? Get a bartending or retail gig.

"Work on getting a driver's license (even if you don't have access to a car, this skill is very important)." PROBABLY, but not if she lives in NYC.

L3: This just in: actions speak louder than words, and Facebook causes drama. Thanks for the news bulletin.

L4: To be fair, I think on the first go-round, a lot of us were inclined to think that alcohol was a bit of a problem in the scenario.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#16
Feb 6, 2013
 
L1: Amy -- what's up with the no drinking? I say go out with your girlfriends, have a few margaritas, flirt with the men and have some fun (use protection) and you will start to realize being single can be a lot of fun.

L2: And why haven't you ever worked? You aren't as bright as you think you are and you best take whatever job you can that is semi-related to your field (or not) and work your way up. A college degree isn't entrance into a field, it is part of the training.

L3: True dat.

L4: And some people use alcohol as the excuse to be that way.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#17
Feb 6, 2013
 
I read the no drinking comment to mean avoid drowning your sorrows, i.e. getting drunk in order "to forget". That's not bad advice.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

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#18
Feb 6, 2013
 

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PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>That long pre-dates Obama. It is a post WW II phenomona that getting a bachelor's degree is the key which opens the door to prosperity. It ramped up in teh 1960-70's as a way for the guys to get student deferrments from VietNam and had general cultural support through the Reagan economy (think being at the top of trickle down economics) and the boom of the 1990's.
Ah, right, it' Bush's fault. Silly to point fingers at the CURRENT ADMINISTRATION that's only been in power for four years.
Sam I Am

Huntingdon, TN

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#19
Feb 6, 2013
 
1. What? Model your behavior after someone else and act like them? That is moronic. God forbid you tell her to value what she is and to foster that.

Do what every other insecure, needy chick at college does: go to a frat party and get railed.

2. What, are you hanging out with Cousin Eddie waiting for a management position? Get out there and do SOMETHING and go from there.

3. Holy obvious crap.

4.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Tacoma, WA

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#20
Feb 6, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Ah, right, it' Bush's fault. Silly to point fingers at the CURRENT ADMINISTRATION that's only been in power for four years.
The fact that LW can't get a job has little if anything to do with politics and everything to do with being an idiot who can't parlay his/her degree, ANY degree into a job.

LW says he/she never had a job. Not never had a job other than McD or BK, but ANY job. Wow...freaking stupid IMO to never have worked at anything by that age...unless one has an unlimited trust fund or something.

This is LWs "fault" not this or that president's. Knock off the political rants ok? Take it to a politics board where people WANT to talk about that shit all the freaking time.

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