“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Dec 3, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old woman who has been dating a 41-year-old man for seven months. He's wonderful and treats me magnificently. We have similar values and interests and are very much in love. Sadly, although I have always wanted children, he does not.

At my age, I have dated enough men to know that I have found someone special. I realize my choice is either to stay in a relationship with a fabulous partner, knowing we won't have children, or end it, hoping I'll find someone just as wonderful who wants kids.

Your advice in making the hardest decision of my life would be greatly appreciated.-- MATERNAL IN NEW YORK

DEAR MATERNAL: I'll try. Many women in their late 30s find that conceiving a child is complicated, and it can also take longer than they thought. It has taken you 38 years to find this exceptional man, and it could take quite a bit of time to find another one who is so compatible.

Look at it this way: If you married "Mr. Wonderful" and learned afterward that he couldn't father a child, would you leave him? Insist on adopting? Or would you count the many blessings you do have with him and stay?

Many women are happily childless. However, if you're not one of them, you should take your chances and move on -- remembering that there are no guarantees.

DEAR ABBY: I work on a busy street in San Francisco where smokers walk around puffing all day while ignoring those around them. Don't you think they should be considerate enough to smoke at designated areas only and not while walking with their secondhand smoke billowing around other pedestrians?

I have seen pregnant women and children inundated by the smoke as these puffers stroll by with no regard. We nonsmokers would appreciate their courtesy for others because we don't want to inhale what they're smoking. Can you comment?-- HATES THAT HABIT

DEAR HATES THAT HABIT: I hate it, too, but unless there is an ordinance in your city that prohibits smoking on certain sidewalks, I think it's unrealistic to expect smokers who inhale not to exhale.

DEAR READERS: Years ago, a young mother in Arlington, Va., wrote my mother about a book she had received that promised to help parents prepare their children for school by expanding their vocabulary. The "secret"? Reading to them while they are small.

Children learn words by hearing them spoken in context -- the more they hear, the more they absorb. Like everything else, reading is something people will do more of if they enjoy it. When a parent reads to a child, the child associates reading with pleasure.

"The Read-Aloud Handbook" by Jim Trelease became a huge best-seller when it was published. Penguin Books called it one of the 75 most important books it has published in its history. The book is now in its seventh -- and last -- edition and has been completely revised and updated. If you're a parent who wants your child to succeed, a grandparent, or someone contemplating becoming a parent in the future, pick up a copy.

The first half is filled with the latest research on the importance of literacy for children's success; the rest lists book titles and ages of the youngsters for which they're intended. To learn more about the author, visit www. trelease-on- reading.com . To order the book, go to www.penguin.com .-- Love, ABBY

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Dec 3, 2013
1- Time for an oops baby.

2- screw you, you dam liberal! You do realize you're inhaling more dangerous hydrocarbons from the cars on this "busy street" than you are from any smoker walking by, right? You know that, right? Idiot.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Dec 3, 2013
2 I so wanna smack you up side the head! Then I would put a lit cigerette in you mouth and tell you merry kwanzica!

And the mutt is right, you are inhaling tons of asbestos from car brake pads, thats why you should not run on the side of the road.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#4 Dec 3, 2013
LW1: You must determine for yourself, what is more important: the relationship or the child. I know that I would have regretted not having kids and would have grown to resent the husband who didn't want them, as illogical as that may sound.

And you seem to be forgetting that there are many single mothers out there, so if it turns out that having a child wins you may have to do that on your own.

LW2: Grrr. If I was still a smoker and I heard you grumbling and grousing behind me on the sidewalk, I would have contrived a way to make sure you got a nice big puff right in your face.

Now that I'm a non-smoker, I don't enjoy the smoke in my face either, so you know what I do? I walk a different way or slow down or speed up to get away from the smoke. I do not act like a spoiled brat that thinks the world has to revolve around me.

LW3: Oh yeah, now I remember why I didn't think there was a third letter. Abby must get some kickbacks from the publisher.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#5 Dec 3, 2013
L1: I'm pleasantly surprised by Abby's matter-of-fact and realistic answer.

L2: What edog & Race said; there's a lot worse in the air you breathe than the one or two inhalations that contain secondhand smoke when you walk past a smoker on the sidewalk. Maybe you should move to North Dakota. Moose probably don't smoke.

L3: Thanks for the PSA, Captain Obvious.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#6 Dec 3, 2013
LW1 isn't guaranteed a child at 38. But this is her life and her choice.

In that smoggy city, LW2 doesn't like the smokers?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#7 Dec 3, 2013
1.If reproducing yourself biologically is that imperative, move on.
If however it is the concept of kids in your life, there are other ways to do that besides being a parent. These include, fostering, mentoring and tutoring kids through something like the Big Brothers and Sisters program, volunteering in scools or at the Sunday school at church . Angela, now in her mid 40's has often written about babysitting for her friends kids- it sounded like it was for both fun as well as profit.

2.The world did just fine before we were aware of all the dangers of second hand smoke and drinking while pregnant.Lots of us grew up with second hand smoke and are making it into our 60's,70' and 80's without any deleterious effects other than a conviction for punching idiots like you in the nose It is good to know the risks and avoid them if possible, but keep your nose out of my business if I choose to do something legal, you frickin' behavior nazi. Or, as Abby's esteemed mother used to say, MYOB

3.Yeah. I read o my girls when they were newborns and as they grew up, often age inappropriate stuff.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#8 Dec 3, 2013
I am so sick of all the holier-than-though non-smokers. I was once on a train cross country. We stopped at somewhere in the niddle of nowhere Montana for a break. We were going to be there like an hour IIFC. I got off the train and walked wayoverthere ---------->>>>> to be far away from other people so I could smoke in peace while still being considerate, because that's just how I roll.

About half way through my smoke someone else walks over and asks (demands) me to put it out because the smoke is bothering her. Excusethefuckoutofme? If you don't like it WHY did you walk all the way over here where I am smoking? I said as much, but nicely. She got a bitchy about second hand smoke. I stopped being nice and basically told her to FOAD.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#9 Dec 3, 2013
Go Mimi!!!

Marina, CA

#10 Dec 3, 2013
LW1: No advice columnist has the magic words to solve this problem for you. You will have to search your soul to determine if having a child is more important to you than being in a relationship with a wonderful man who treats you magnificently.

LW2: In CA, you cannot smoke indoors except in your own home or in a hotel room designated as "smoking", so the only place left to smoke is on the street. Until SF becomes a no-smoking town, you'll just have to stay indoors.

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