“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Nov 25, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend, "Jose," for a year. Before that, we were friends for five years. Ever since I've known him, he and his half-sister, "Blanca," have danced together at parties. We're all in our mid-20s.

They dance salsa, merengue and other styles of music together. I used to think it was cute, but now that Jose and I are a couple, I find it annoying and a little creepy. He says Blanca loves to dance and can't always find good partners.

She gets mad when he dances with me instead of her during her favorite songs. I told Jose he can dance only with me at the parties or only with her. Not both. I don't want to share him, and honestly, people joke that it's incestuous.

How can I make him understand how much this bothers me? What can I say to his half-sister when she gives me the evil eye? My relationship with her is friendly, but it was better before I started dating her half-brother.-- TAKES ONLY TWO TO TANGO

DEAR TAKES ONLY TWO: If you want to hang onto Jose, simmer down and be less heavy-handed. Dictating who he can dance with only makes you appear to be jealous, insecure and controlling.

Because he and Blanca have danced together for so long, it's understandable that she expects to dance with him. My advice is to be gracious and hold onto your temper, because if you don't, your relationship with Blanca will no longer be friendly, and it could cost you your boyfriend.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is a good person, but she never wants to be around us or our children. She lives only 30 minutes away, has only one child (my husband) and has been widowed for more than five years. She has never called our house, didn't visit when the kids were born and usually mails gift cards at birthdays and Christmas.

My own mother died a few months ago. Our kids are almost 13 and 10, so they're not babies anymore. I try to reach out to her, but she is cold and not responsive. What else can I do?-- NO GRANDMA IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR NO GRANDMA: What does your husband think about this? Has his mother always been this way? Could the problem be that she dislikes you or is disappointed in her son?

There is no way to force a connection on someone who is unwilling, and I'm not sure you would even want to. It appears your mother-in-law isn't maternal and prefers her independence. I'm sorry that your feelings are hurt, but if you crave closeness with an older woman, you will have to look elsewhere to find it.

DEAR ABBY: My family is having a Thanksgiving conundrum. My uncle and his wife have offered to host the holiday. My uncle hesitated about having it because he recently lost his job. My grandmother decided that each couple should chip in $50 to pay for the dinner.(The total amount will be $300.) We will all make and bring dishes with us as well. Their children are not being asked to pay anything.

My grandmother thinks this is a good idea because it would cost us more than $50 to go out to dinner for Thanksgiving, but some of us think it's odd that we're being charged to attend our family's dinner. No one else in the family is able or willing to host, so the only other option would be going to a restaurant. Any thoughts?-- TURKEY TROUBLES IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR TURKEY TROUBLES: Just this -- pay up! And while you're offering thanks at the dinner table, be grateful that the person in need of financial help this holiday season isn't you.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Nov 25, 2013
Here is the link for the column

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Nov 25, 2013
PEllen wrote:
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend, "Jose," for a year. Before that, we were friends for five years. Ever since I've known him, he and his half-sister, "Blanca," have danced together at parties. We're all in our mid-20s.
They dance salsa, merengue and other styles of music together. I used to think it was cute, but now that Jose and I are a couple, I find it annoying and a little creepy. He says Blanca loves to dance and can't always find good partners.
She gets mad when he dances with me instead of her during her favorite songs. I told Jose he can dance only with me at the parties or only with her. Not both. I don't want to share him, and honestly, people joke that it's incestuous.
How can I make him understand how much this bothers me? What can I say to his half-sister when she gives me the evil eye? My relationship with her is friendly, but it was better before I started dating her half-brother.-- TAKES ONLY TWO TO TANGO
DEAR TAKES ONLY TWO: If you want to hang onto Jose, simmer down and be less heavy-handed. Dictating who he can dance with only makes you appear to be jealous, insecure and controlling.
Because he and Blanca have danced together for so long, it's understandable that she expects to dance with him. My advice is to be gracious and hold onto your temper, because if you don't, your relationship with Blanca will no longer be friendly, and it could cost you your boyfriend.
DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is a good person, but she never wants to be around us or our children. She lives only 30 minutes away, has only one child (my husband) and has been widowed for more than five years. She has never called our house, didn't visit when the kids were born and usually mails gift cards at birthdays and Christmas.
My own mother died a few months ago. Our kids are almost 13 and 10, so they're not babies anymore. I try to reach out to her, but she is cold and not responsive. What else can I do?-- NO GRANDMA IN AUSTIN, TEXAS
DEAR NO GRANDMA: What does your husband think about this? Has his mother always been this way? Could the problem be that she dislikes you or is disappointed in her son?
There is no way to force a connection on someone who is unwilling, and I'm not sure you would even want to. It appears your mother-in-law isn't maternal and prefers her independence. I'm sorry that your feelings are hurt, but if you crave closeness with an older woman, you will have to look elsewhere to find it.
DEAR ABBY: My family is having a Thanksgiving conundrum. My uncle and his wife have offered to host the holiday. My uncle hesitated about having it because he recently lost his job. My grandmother decided that each couple should chip in $50 to pay for the dinner.(The total amount will be $300.) We will all make and bring dishes with us as well. Their children are not being asked to pay anything.
My grandmother thinks this is a good idea because it would cost us more than $50 to go out to dinner for Thanksgiving, but some of us think it's odd that we're being charged to attend our family's dinner. No one else in the family is able or willing to host, so the only other option would be going to a restaurant. Any thoughts?-- TURKEY TROUBLES IN PHILADELPHIA
DEAR TURKEY TROUBLES: Just this -- pay up! And while you're offering thanks at the dinner table, be grateful that the person in need of financial help this holiday season isn't you.
posterity
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#4 Nov 25, 2013
I don't think Jose is the man for LW1.

At least LW2 doesn't have a clingy, hovering mother-in-law that usurps her. Respecting this
lady's privacy doesn't seem unreasonable.

RE: LW3 Who's collecting the money and when will it be given to the uncle and aunt?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#5 Nov 25, 2013
LW1: You and his half-sister are both nutty.

LW2: Let it be.

LW3: Tell Grandma when she hosts Thanksgiving she can set the rules for attendance. If I just lost my job, I wouldn't want folks to feel they needed to pay me $50 to come to eat a thanksgiving dinner that I am hosting. It also doesn't cost more than $50 per person to eat at anyplace that I am aware of for Thanksgiving.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 Nov 25, 2013
1 Hook up Jose sister with someone.

2 Craigslist: "Seeking grandmotherly type..."

3 While abby makes a point about counting your blessings, I think everyone should be asked to contribute the ingredients, not pony up $$. You can buy 2 turkey's for $50.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#7 Nov 25, 2013
Lw1: it sounds like they are actually trained in ballroom dancing? When you hear "Bianca can't always find good partners", also hear "Jose can't always find good partners". Jose is willing to dance with you, but I doubt you are a match for Bianca in ability. And I'm betting that if he also enjoys ballroom dancing, he both enjoys dancing with you but also enjoys dancing with Bianca because she matches him in ability.

Lw2: I'd shrug and continue living my life. Your kids aren't going to miss having more of a relationship with their grandmother if you don't make it out to be a loss.

Lw3: How many people?$300 seems a bit high for just the dinner; even last year when I bought a pre-cooked ham and a turkey breast from Honey Baked to make my life easier, I fed about 20 for around $150. Although if they are really in bad shape due to the job loss, think of it as holiday generosity.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#8 Nov 25, 2013
LW1: What are you, 17? Jose and his sister have a relationship that pre-dates you and will continue to have one after he dumps your possive azz. Wise up if you want this guy to stick around.

LW2: Please stop caring about this person; she has made it painfully obvious that she doesn't want to have a relationship with you or your family.

LW3: This seems fine in theory, but I feel like EVERYBODY should pony up, not just the older generation. Unless they are under the age of 18, they should be able to contribute.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 Nov 25, 2013
I have a 18-22 lb (it may be bigger, I can't remember what I reserved) fresh brined turkey on hold for us at Whole Foods and it will cost me $50 and I could have paid MUCH more for an organic one.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#10 Nov 25, 2013
squishymama wrote:
I have a 18-22 lb (it may be bigger, I can't remember what I reserved) fresh brined turkey on hold for us at Whole Foods and it will cost me $50 and I could have paid MUCH more for an organic one.
And I paid just about $80 for the half ham and pre cooked turkey breast last year. The thing is, the rest of the Thanksgiving food (excluding wine/beer/liquor if that's part of your celebration) is fairly inexpensive food even in bulk.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#11 Nov 25, 2013
1. Me thinks Jose likes the attention and looks forward to a pelea de gatos

2. I am with Sublime on this. Let it alone.
However, I would arrange a more formal courtesy is it now that the kids are older. That would satisfy LW's impulse. If granny just hates little kids it would give her an opportunity to see them as proto adults. After that, drop it. She knows how to find you.

Curiosity- what is your husband's take on this?

3.$50 is high. We ll just bring dishes to make it a organized pot luck. I thought that was what Thanksgiving was supposed to be.

(FYI sweet potato latkes don't work well. Glad I tested them first)
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#12 Nov 25, 2013
LW1: I have been dancing salsa, merengue, and bachata for 2 years, so I got this one. Dancers rarely dance with only one person. When you are with a dancer, you need to share him/her on the dance floor. This is true even of married dancers. So I suggest you loosen the reins and get used to this now. Finding and/or training a dance partner that you connect with can be challenging. Jose and Blanca make great partners because they've been doing this a while and lead/follow each other very well. I also get the favorite song thing; dancers hate to sit out their favorite songs. So LW, let Jose dance with Blanca and whoever else he wants to dance with but make him save the last dance for you. Blanca is family and no threat to you anyway. And get your own favorite songs.

LW2: Let your husband handle his mother.

LW3: I totally agree with Abby.

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