Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#1 May 15, 2013
Dear Amy: Last year I became friends with a woman at work who, like me, was pregnant. We hung out a few times, and when I visited her house, I was shocked. Amy, I am not a neat freak, but I have never been anywhere so filthy.

Her house was like an episode of "Hoarders." Every surface even the stairs was covered in random papers, trash, dirty dishes, clothes, boxes, recycling and so forth. In many rooms, the trash was 2 feet deep and covered the entire floor. You had to wade through it. I said nothing.

Since then, we have both had our babies, and she has been asking to get together. She brought her baby to my house once, but now she is insistent that we must come to her.

She has called me five times in six days asking when we will come over, each time becoming more insistent.

Amy, I do not want to bring my daughter there because I believe it is a health hazard. I have suggested that we meet at places like the library, but she keeps asking us to come over. I don't know how to tell her that I cannot bring my infant daughter over to play in a trash heap. I also wonder if I should call Child Protective Services because this environment is also dangerous for her baby.

How would you suggest I deal with this? Not a Neat Freak

Dear Not: I wonder if this other mom is so insistent on having you over because she has cleaned up her home.

You can only find out by going. Choose a day when the weather is fine and you can keep the babies outside if necessary. If her house is merely messy (even very messy), don't worry about it. If it is still a trash heap like before and very obviously a physical and biohazard, you should call CPS and ask for guidance.

Reporting a parent to Child Protective Services is a decision not to be taken lightly. Be prepared to answer questions with detailed descriptions of the hazard. If in your considered judgment this is a dangerous environment for the child, you should place the call. The household could be offered support services to maintain a healthier home.

Dear Amy: I've been in a long-distance relationship for a little over a year now. Things are pretty good, with the exception of one small problem. I want my boyfriend to change his status on Facebook from "single" to either "in a relationship" or simply listing no status.

He claims that he wants his privacy. He says that Facebook isn't real life.

I think part of the problem may be that we dated in college and I dumped him but he told his friends that he dumped me, and now he doesn't want to admit publicly that he's dating me. My boyfriend claims that he's told his friends and his family about us and it really is just about maintaining privacy on the Internet.

Am I being unreasonable? Long-Distance Gal

Dear Gal: Let's sidestep the question about how reasonable you are being and focus on the magnitude of your problem. It's petty.

As long as you and your guy define your current relationship in terms of who dumped whom the last time you broke up, you will continue to barter about his Facebook status.

Imagine that you don't care about his social network status. And then don't care.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 May 15, 2013
Ami is wrong on No 1. LW should go to visit on her own and if house is tolerable then set a play date. If not, LW should woman up and tell her co-worker , with whom she will continue to work btw, why she won't bring teh baby over.

Sorry Sue, its me, not you. I'm a germophobe, etc

#2 Petty doesn't begin to describe this. Insecure, high maintenance. Bad news. Bet she has a special pocket in her purse- one for her smart phone and one for his balls.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#3 May 15, 2013
LW1: I would make the playdate; she may in fact want to show off the work she's done on the house and you may be pleasantly surprised. If it's still in bad shape, maybe you should check your judgement at the door and try and help this person and her baby. And calling DCF would not be the kind of help I'm talking about. Talk to her about the unhealthful conditions and how they could effect her child; that might be enough to get to wake up and smell the week-old dirty dishes.

LW2: You do realize that if you keep this up, it will you that gets dumped this time, right? This is petty, insignificant bs and long-distance relationships can't really withstand much of that. Not that I really care much; you sound like a nutter.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#4 May 15, 2013
1 Take you kid over, kids need dirt.

2 Ha, lamy to her to GTFU!
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#5 May 15, 2013
I am with Squishy on these.

LW1: I would try it out one more time and see. If it's bad, I'd talk to her first.

LW2 is crazy. What is she, 12? She is placing way too much importance on this and he's going to (probably wisely) run the other way. I don't even know if I have a status up on my FB page. I set it up so long ago and never mess with my account set-up, so who knows!

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#6 May 15, 2013
L1: What squishy said. Calling DCF is a HUGE deal and can ruin lives. Taking the LW's description of the house at face value, it does sound Hoarders-like. But I'd try to get the person's family, close friends, etc. involved before calling the authorities.

L2: Oh boy, the FB drama never stops. I'll die happy if I never have a FB relationship status.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#7 May 15, 2013
L1: I agree, too, with what Squishy said. Before she goes, she can check online where parks are in the neighborhood and bring her stroller to sit and talk about the problem, if there still is one.

L2: Why do people take FB so seriously?

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