“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Aug 12, 2014
DEAR AMY: There is a teacher at the local high school who I see at many social, school and sport events. She is always telling stories about the students at the school to anyone who will listen. These stories are highly confidential in nature, such as a young adult who was hospitalized for depression and a suicide attempt, a child who has anorexia and an anxiety disorder, parents who are going through a nasty divorce, etc.

I have both pulled her aside and also said in front of the entire group that she is gossiping and that I think she should stop sharing this information, but she does not stop. She once said that she would not use the child's name, but it is obvious who the child/family is by the details of the stories.

I feel terrible for these children. This kind of gossip can be very harmful, it spreads quickly and can follow them for a long time. Isn't this teacher violating guidelines to protect the privacy of these kids?

How can I get her to stop? Should I tell her supervisor or the principal? I do not want to get her in trouble, but I feel I need to help protect these children and their families. I do not want these early episodes and mistakes to follow them through life.-- Concerned Parent

DEAR PARENT: When a teacher disrespects students through gossip, it turns the teacher into the very thing she criticizes: an immature, misbehaving, attention-hogging teenager.

You have tried and obviously cannot get this teacher to stop gossiping. The only course of action left to you is to contact the principal and possibly the superintendent of the school. If this teacher is violating official privacy guidelines, then she should get into trouble.

This teacher already knows that you have objected loudly and strongly to her sharing of student/parent information, so you should go ahead and put your name to this complaint in writing and ask that the school initiate some needed training to coach teachers on their responsibility to act like adults.

DEAR AMY: Our sixth-grade daughter, "Anna," has a school friend "Krista," who she really connects with, but Krista's mother is a nightmare. She intrudes herself uninvited, behaves badly and is overall inappropriate.

Anna and I recently witnessed her yanking Krista around by the hair while insulting her. Privately I told her how uncomfortable what she did to her daughter made us, hoping to advocate for the child. Her response to my admittedly intrusive critique of her parenting was predictably awful, and she told Krista that I think she is a lousy mother.

It has become clear that this woman has a drinking problem. I have been advised by a social worker not to report her as it could cause more harm than good, and the father seems responsible, stable and loving.

Krista is welcome in our home, but I will not allow Anna to return the visits, nor does she want to. Is there a good way to allow Krista to visit my daughter in our home but not in hers? We have been able to find excuses so far, but what do I tell a 12-year-old?-- Challenged

DEAR CHALLENGED: This mother already knows you disapprove of her parenting because you were brave enough to be honest with her. She has told her daughter that you think she's a lousy parent -- and so it is out there. Explain to "Krista," "I've talked with Anna about this and I don't feel comfortable sending her to your house right now. But we always love having you here and would like you to be with us whenever you want."

You don't need to supply reasons, but let the girl know that the directive comes from you

DEAR AMY: During the worship service at our church on Mother's Day, special recognition was given to some specific mothers -- the oldest present, one with the most children, one with most children present, etc

But this recognition was specified biological mothers only, so this excluded several in the congregation who had mothered adopted children

I'd like your comment on this restriction.-- A Bio and Adoptive Mother

DEAR MOTHER: I'm appalled

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Detroit, MI

#2 Aug 12, 2014
3- everybody wants a dam trophy. Give me accolades because I have a step child, praise me because I'm the mother of a pet. Stop cheapening Mother's Day!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Aug 12, 2014
1. You directly told the teacher she was disclosing confidential information? You weren't "tactful" or oblique or anything? She kept it up.?

Talk to the principal but make sure you have the information documented including time and circumstances of the gossip and an example of what she said.

2.As long as Krista knows she is welcome at your house, don't worry about the rest unless the mom intrudes into your house and activities. In 20 years Anna will be writing about how gad she was to have a haven to go to for a while from her mom. However, let this be guided by Anna's friendship . Girls outgrow friends around this time.

3, The pastor actually said biological moms only? I find that unlikely

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Aug 12, 2014
1 Maybe she will sleep with one of her students, then you can gossip.

2 Yeah, just let the kid know she is always welcome at your house. No need to explain why, she already knows.

3 More first world girl problems...

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Aug 12, 2014
L1: Go to the principal. This woman is out of control and needs to be stopped.

L2: I'm with the others here. No need to explain until asked and I don't think they'll ask.

L3: If they knew of the adoptive parents who were in the position to have got that recognition and they ignored them, I'd have to say something to the powers that be at the church.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Aug 12, 2014
Lw1: always puzzles me when people are so concerned about not getting people into trouble even after they refuse to stop doing that which should get them into trouble.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#7 Aug 12, 2014
1: Oh go ahead and report the teacher. She needs to shape up. It's one thing to talk to about your work to people who have no way of knowing who your talking about since they don't live in the area and don't know anyone living in the area other than you and you don't use names. However even that might be considered wrong by some people. However, if you are in a relatively small population, which a school really is no matter how urban an area you live in, people are more likely to know or figure out who you're talking about. Why would anyone want to ruin the reputation of a child? These kids have problems just like adults and haven't even had an opportunity to grow up and learn how to handle things in a mature fashion. For all we like to think that a teacher's job is to simply teach a subject, they also have a big part in teaching kids in how to behave and how to handle adversity. To an extent, they become surrogate parents in the classroom. To talk about their students with people who have no business knowing is a betrayal. And I ditto PEllen's advice about having a record of when and where the gossip took place and what was said, etc.

2: I'm not sure how the lw knows the father is stable and responsible. Is it by her personal knowledge or is this something the social worker told her? And just how did she come to talk to a social worker about the situatin without reporting the problem? Is she a friend, neighbor, relative who she talked to in casual circumstances other than at the Social Services office? It seems to me that if the father is so "responsible," he wouldn't let a drunk have charge of his daughter. Maybe a social worker should talk to him about his wife and how leaving his child in her care could be called negligent or even abusive.

3: Go talk to your pastor. He needs to edit his sermon for next year. Tell him specifically what you object to in that sermon and why. I actually found more objectionable things in his sermon than you did. However, that said, I personally think mother's, father's, grandparent's days are a crock anyway. Why only honor these people on one specific day a year? I say treat them decently all year since they parent all year and not just once a year. You don't need a specific day of the year to show anyone that you appreciate them.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#8 Aug 12, 2014
Pippa wrote:
1:2: I'm not sure how the lw knows the father is stable and responsible. Is it by her personal knowledge or is this something the social worker told her? And just how did she come to talk to a social worker about the situatin without reporting the problem? Is she a friend, neighbor, relative who she talked to in casual circumstances other than at the Social Services office? It seems to me that if the father is so "responsible," he wouldn't let a drunk have charge of his daughter. Maybe a social worker should talk to him about his wife and how leaving his child in her care could be called negligent or even abusive.
Wondering the same thing

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#9 Aug 12, 2014
The LW and the father are sleeping together. This is also how she knows the mother is a drunk.
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
Wondering the same thing
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#10 Aug 12, 2014
Glance into LW1's future:

(a) A greedy family sued that teacher and asked LW1 to testify about the statements LW1 heard that teacher make.
(b) The teacher made some blunders of her own and the other gossipers had a field day
exaggerating her situation.
(c) An angry mother slapped the teacher for revealing her personal information.
or
(d) other

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