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1 - 10 of 10 Comments Last updated Jan 8, 2014

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Jan 8, 2014
 
DEAR AMY: I'm an old guy with a crush on a young woman. It is obvious that we like each other and enjoy spending time together, and I think she might have a crush on me too.

I know there isn't any issue of legality -- we're both old enough to be consenting adults -- nor are there any spouses to hurt. But how creepy would it be if we ended up dating?

The age difference is so great (well over a quarter-century) that there really is no possibility of a long-term relationship or children. But what about simply deciding to have a good time? What do you think?-- Geezer

DEAR GEEZER: As long as it's not one of my daughters, I'm pretty cool with it.

I mean, if you don't mind hanging out with someone who has no memory of Mel Torme, and if she doesn't care if when she says, "I'm into One Direction," you reply, "Me too -- I prefer left," then I say go for it.

But I joke. Seriously, other than the varying expectations and issues brought about by your different stages in life (and the tendency of people like me to be snarky about it), this is a victimless caper. A fun relationship might actually be a true "good time" for both of you.

DEAR AMY: We're expecting our first child and just managed to buy our first home. We are considered a low-income couple and have always been bargain hunters. Mortgage, bills and groceries need to be strictly budgeted.

When it comes to baby necessities and toys, my wife has been very creative and has procured many used pieces of furniture and clothes. We are now swimming in great used supplies.

My in-laws are well-off and continue to buy all sorts of expensive new toys and clothing for the baby, telling us that the baby deserves something new. We thank them but have suggested several times that we now have enough to cover four babies, but they get offended and insist it's their right to spoil our child.

They know we work hard to make ends meet. We are counting pennies to buy milk, and it's hard to keep smiling about all of the needless expensive toys that come into our house.

My wife suggests we try to sell some of the unneeded baby items (do we need four strollers?), but I think our families would be offended if they knew. Is there a polite way to shift their giving spirit to include grocery gift certificates instead? Should we sell or simply be grateful?-- Drowning in Baby Supplies

DEAR DROWNING: It is not a grandparent's right to "spoil" a grandchild. Grandparents really don't have any automatic right to behave in a way that undermines the parents, certainly if the parents are (like you) reasonable, rational and intentional.

Your in-laws mean well, but you are going to have to help them understand what your actual needs are and the values by which you live.

Be brave enough to tell them exactly what is going on. Acknowledge their generosity. Ask them if they would like a wish list (such as people sometimes have for a baby shower). Tell them that you intend to keep only one stroller. Ask if they would like to return the overruns. Otherwise, sure, you should sell them and pay your utility bill.

They might derive a lot of satisfaction from starting a college fund for your child or finding another creative way to contribute that doesn't involve a mountain of goodies.

DEAR AMY: Regarding the issue of posting memorial notices about people on Facebook, the important thing to remember is that you are letting people know. And when they respond with a "like," that lets you know they have communicated with you.

When my dear mom passed away 25 years ago, I know my computer would not have been able to handle all the "likes" if I had posted her memorial notice! I would interpret each "like" as a hug or a condolence.-- Loving Daughter

DEAR DAUGHTER: This goes to the eternal question of whether a "like" on Facebook is an endorsement or a notification -- or a hug.

Since: Jan 10

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#2
Jan 8, 2014
 
L1: ignore Amy's rude, condescending and obnoxious words and tone and go for it. You have nothing to lose by going for it. Stock up on some blue pills and stay hydrated!

L2: four strollers? That is shear idiocy. Where do you keep them all? See 'me with tout a second thought.

L3: 25 years ago, unless you were posting to a torrent bitstream porn collection site, there wasn't much place for you to announce her death, so get over it.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#3
Jan 8, 2014
 
1 Lamy needs a good rug munching. Forget her and tap whatever you want.

2 ebay is your friend.

3 Who gives a flip? I dont even remember the question to this rehash. Besides I heard FB was dead, long live Twitter.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

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#4
Jan 8, 2014
 
1: This is creepy but as long as I'm not a party to it, folks can and will do as they like. Makes me think of a guy I used to know years ago. He divorced his wife and one of his 2 daughters recently told me he now has a new young thing who is much younger than either of his daughters. He's told them flat out that he plans to leave his entire estate to the new young thing when he dies (he's seriously ill) and nothing to his daughters. I think this is sad. These young women are nice ladies and from what I can see spent a miserable childhood and are doing their best now to raise their own young children and work long hours to support them. They have also done their best to help care for their dad but I guess that doesn't count.

2: If it were my daughter and grandchildren, I would appreciate being told what they really need for their kids. I don't agree with the lw's inlaws who say they have a right to spoil their grandchildren unless by "spoil' they mean spend time with them and have real conversations with them letting them know that their thoughts and concerns are of interest and concern to Grammie and Grandpa. If spoiling means giving them toys and junk in abundance, they are going to truly SPOIL the kids in a very real sense. They won't be doing them any favors. So lw, you and your wife need to open a very real conversation with these grandparents. I think you need to start now.

3: I would never click "like" for a death notice on fb. It's too ambiguous and can lead to misunderstandings. Unless of course there is some kind of instruction given in the notice that by "liking" it, you are sending your condolences. Otherwise, how long does it take to simply write that you're sorry to hear the news and your thoughts and prayers are with the family (or whatever other appropriate thoughts you would usually express in person)?

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#5
Jan 8, 2014
 
L1: Whatever floats your boat.

L2: I would have a talk with them. If they continued as they are, I would sell the stuff on ebay or something.

L3: I see "like" as an acknowledgement, but like Pippa, I don't know what's going through other people's mind. I would just comment as Pippa indicated.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#6
Jan 8, 2014
 
LW1: There are so many examples of this (Patrick Stewart comes to mind), why is it even a question. Do whatever makes you happy and tell judgemental people like Amy to f*ck off.

LW2: Try one more time to get them to stop. If they can't, then you should just sell/return the extra.

LW3: "Liking" a death notice? If you want respond in some way, leave it in the comments. Sheesh.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#7
Jan 8, 2014
 
LW1: Not sure why you are asking Amy about this. You two should talk about it together and decide what you want to do. Who cares what Amy or anyone else thinks?

LW2: The four stroller thing is ridiculous, but outside of something like that, when they give you something new consider donating something old. Kids like new things and variety.

You are taking frugality to an extreme, which is okay when it is your money and you don't have much of it, but when they are gifts from someone else and it doesn’t cost you anything, you sound a bit nutty and ungrateful, IMO. How her folks spend their money shouldn’t bother you so much. You may think it is a waste, but again, it’s not your money. You sound like a PITA.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#8
Jan 8, 2014
 
LW1: Team Sublime. You do not need to care what anyone other than your crush-woman thinks. Not every relationship is long-term. Go have fun.

LW2: Have a garage sale already.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#9
Jan 8, 2014
 
Sublime1 wrote:
LW1: Not sure why you are asking Amy about this. You two should talk about it together and decide what you want to do. Who cares what Amy or anyone else thinks?
LW2: The four stroller thing is ridiculous, but outside of something like that, when they give you something new consider donating something old. Kids like new things and variety.
You are taking frugality to an extreme, which is okay when it is your money and you don't have much of it, but when they are gifts from someone else and it doesn’t cost you anything, you sound a bit nutty and ungrateful, IMO. How her folks spend their money shouldn’t bother you so much. You may think it is a waste, but again, it’s not your money. You sound like a PITA.
All this

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#10
Jan 8, 2014
 
1- Go with caution. Younger women typically like older men for one reason, and I'm sure there might be an exception or two, so don't flame me. I just hope she's not your secretary.

And Amy actually has a point. Dating a younger girl may sound appealing... until you hear them talk... "Like, oh my God, Becky got this sweater that was entirely too big and totally didn't match her purse..."

Ugh.

2- You've told them and they don't listen. I don't agree with selling things someone gives you as a gift, but this sounds a little excessive. Do what you must.

3- It's a little creepy when someone posts that her grandmother just died and someone clicks "like." But I think people are learning and instead send heart-felt condolences.

Man, these letters are lame

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