“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#21 Mar 27, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>lw just suggested changing the location(which i agree i stupid unless he also lives w gf), but she did not specify her house. ABBY did.

ScarletandOlive wrote, "
The more I think about it, I have more questions. When has she been giving her granddaughter baths to talk about personal space? If the girl is already at her house, why does she think that her son would start bringing her to his girlfriend's parents' house? If these conversations were held in the past, then is she overly paranoid about her granddaughter's safety?

"

And this is why I think she's probably paranoid.

I think we're largely in agreement.
I think we are too, it's just easier to respond to your comments.

I feel like when I come on Topix, I find myself responding to your comments a lot. It's partly because you are so good at articulating your thoughts so they are easy to respond to, but it's also because we often have different ways of looking at things and discussing them with you helps me gain a different perspective. I hope you don't feel like I am always arguing with you.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#22 Mar 27, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Sure its possible. But grandma is acting like its almost a foregone conclusion. How long is she visiting for? Maybe he's got fun stuff planned like the park or bowling or whatever and his girlfriend is coming to see them at his place. I have no idea, and grandma has not convinces me that she has a reason to think he's gonna take the daughter over there.
It's a reasonable expectation

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#23 Mar 27, 2014
Judge Janie wrote:
<quoted text>
How is it "overstepping her boundaries" to want to protect her granddaughter from a convicted predator, especially when it appears that no one else in the child's life seems interested in doing so?
Because that's the parents' job. And who says no one else cares about the child's safety?

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#24 Mar 27, 2014
Judge Janie wrote:
<quoted text>How is it "overstepping her boundaries" to want to protect her granddaughter from a convicted predator, especially when it appears that no one else in the child's life seems interested in doing so? That's how a lot of these things happen-everyone looks the other way and gets mad at or ignores someone who tries to do something, or they claim they're being "nosy" or "overbearing". The welfare of her granddaughter very much IS within her boundaries. And I wish someone had been "overstepping" in my own case when I was a child, maybe my abuse at the hands of a babysitter's son wouldn't have happened.
The child is visiting her father, not staying with the father's girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with bringing up her concern over the brother, but suggesting that he change visitation locations is not her place, unless the son shows himself to be an irresponsible parent.

I'm not going to ask you specifics about your situation and I'm sorry that you went through that. In this case the girlfriend's brother was already convicted of a crime with a very high recidivism rate. If the LW's son brings his daughter to this man's home then the LW should do something, but she did not indicate that her son has been in irresponsible parent in the past.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#25 Mar 27, 2014
_Annabella_ wrote:
1. Why is your son with a girlfriend who has a pedophile brother.
A man isn't allowed to date a woman if her brother is a convicted criminal?

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#26 Mar 27, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>It's a reasonable expectation
I don't think it is reasonable to assume that he will bring his child to his girlfriend's parents house, especially knowing that her brother is a convicted child molester. There is a difference between who you hang out with as an adult and who you expose your children to.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#27 Mar 27, 2014
Scarlet and Tonka sitting in a tree....

ScarletandOlive wrote:
<quoted text>
I think we are too, it's just easier to respond to your comments.
I feel like when I come on Topix, I find myself responding to your comments a lot. It's partly because you are so good at articulating your thoughts so they are easy to respond to, but it's also because we often have different ways of looking at things and discussing them with you helps me gain a different perspective. I hope you don't feel like I am always arguing with you.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#28 Mar 27, 2014
ScarletandOlive wrote:
<quoted text>
I think we are too, it's just easier to respond to your comments.
I feel like when I come on Topix, I find myself responding to your comments a lot. It's partly because you are so good at articulating your thoughts so they are easy to respond to, but it's also because we often have different ways of looking at things and discussing them with you helps me gain a different perspective. I hope you don't feel like I am always arguing with you.
I take it all personally and I hate you.
:)

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#29 Mar 27, 2014
ScarletandOlive wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't think it is reasonable to assume that he will bring his child to his girlfriend's parents house, especially knowing that her brother is a convicted child molester. There is a difference between who you hang out with as an adult and who you expose your children to.
Its also easy to believe that a father will do what he can to protect his daughter and not expose her to harm...unless there's something anout hin that mom has not shared. Why does she assume her son will pit the daughter in harm's way instead of protect her?

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#30 Mar 27, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
I take it all personally and I hate you.
:)
Haha, because I know that you have such strong emotional ties to Topix posters ;)

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#31 Mar 27, 2014
RACE wrote:
<quoted text>Scarlet and Tonka sitting in a tree....
:P

I'm trying to be nice, dammit.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#32 Mar 27, 2014
LW1: your son would be mental to have her anywhere around a person like that.

LW2: that's a total "look of death" situation, dude. No words even needed.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#33 Mar 27, 2014
ScarletandOlive wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't think it is reasonable to assume that he will bring his child to his girlfriend's parents house, especially knowing that her brother is a convicted child molester. There is a difference between who you hang out with as an adult and who you expose your children to.
Is not just his girlfriend's parent's house, it's also his girlfriend's house. It's totally foreseeable that when he has visitation, he might show up at his girlfriend's house with his daughter. I see nothing unreasonable about that.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#34 Mar 27, 2014
LW1: I totally agree with Judge Janie about this: Trying to protect her granddaughter from a known predator is not overstepping. I find the letter a bit confusing because she says she wants him to change the visitation location but says that the girlfriend and her brother live with their parents, not her son. She says she plans to talk to her son, and that is exactly the person who needs to hear this: 1. It would likely be a violation of gf's brother's probation to be around a child, 2. Your custody arrangement could be affected, 3. Your duty as a parent is to protect your child and I am sure that you would feel horrible if anything happened to her under your watch.

LW2: Unless it was a situation that needed handling ASAP as Amy suggests, that was rude, rude, rude. You don't mention if she apologized or offered an explanation, or if her profession obligates her to take these after-hours calls. What you should have done, however, is handle the situation when it occurred. You could have walked over to where she was and said, "Excuse me, I'm ready to pay the check, are you almost done? And who are you talking to, anyway?"

LW3: I think the LW is looking for common usage as opposed to dictionary definitions. Many people think of an excuse as a negative, blame-shifting, absolving-of-guilt kind of explanation, and a reason as a logical, sensible explanation. IMHO.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#36 Mar 27, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Is not just his girlfriend's parent's house, it's also his girlfriend's house. It's totally foreseeable that when he has visitation, he might show up at his girlfriend's house with his daughter. I see nothing unreasonable about that.
Why is it so easy for you to believe(without knowing anything about him) that the father is too dumb to recognize the danger in bringing his daughter over there and only grandma has the wisdom to see it?

You've got no kids and even you see it. You think a father doesn't see it?

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#37 Mar 27, 2014
Travel Agent wrote:
<quoted text>How's the vacation?
Over. Heading home now. It was a blast.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#39 Mar 27, 2014
1: They estimate 1/4 girls are abused when young; mostly by someone they know. So yeah...you have to be diligent. When someone in your child's sphere has already shown they are a sicko, you act more diligent.
BUT--I see no indication lw has ever talked to her SON! Son might never allow them alone for all we know.
If not, her concern is valid.

2: If this was no explained emergency, punch your wife in the crotch then tell her why. Seriously, these actions irk the crap out of me! So abhorrant.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#40 Mar 27, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
3- Pippa's right, an "excuse" is a completely valid explanation. Amy's an idiot, leave grammar lessons to the professionals
You rang?
lol
Honestly, I see these terms as very interchangeable.
What excuses me from something is my reason.
This reason is my excuse, excusing me from this.

I feel the only difference is the connotation formed over the years. Excuse has a more negative connotation.
Same with the word "consequence." It sounds worse but consequences can be good, too.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#41 Mar 27, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Because that's the parents' job. And who says no one else cares about the child's safety?
Step off...I would expect my parents to be just as diligent as I in my child's safety.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#42 Mar 27, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Why is it so easy for you to believe(without knowing anything about him) that the father is too dumb to recognize the danger in bringing his daughter over there and only grandma has the wisdom to see it?
You've got no kids and even you see it. You think a father doesn't see it?
Dude, there are some craptastic "fathers" roaming about.
We have no way of knowing if this guy is decent or a piece of trash, dating a piece of trash who has a piece of ttrash brother.
LW/Mom did not mention talking to son--why? What does she know? Maybe that she raised trash.
Or maybe dad has it under control. Who the heck knows....but in this instance, in something that could an would screw a child permanently, erring on the side of caution is wise.

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