Comments
1 - 20 of 31 Comments Last updated Apr 16, 2013
First Prev
of 2
Next Last

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#1
Apr 16, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I recently moved in together, and ever since, I have felt it was a mistake. I'm not sure why, but it felt as if, as soon as we made the move, my love for him disappeared.

His job is the most important thing in his life, and he puts it on a pedestal and complains about being too tired to do anything when he gets home after work.

I am certain he doesn't even know where the garbage chute in our building is.

He never wants to visit with my family, and trying to get him to go out is like pulling teeth, but when I visit my parents on my own, he makes me feel guilty.

I feel so unhappy all the time, and once he leaves for work, I just cry because I am so sad about my situation. I love the apartment, but I can't afford it on my own and we signed a lease for a year. I feel as though I have to live with my mistake until I either get a raise or our lease is up. I don't know what else to do.-- Trapped and Confused

DEAR TRAPPED: If you are convinced that you do not want to work on your relationship, then you should commence the process of breaking up.

You seem to think that if you stick it out, you can end up with the apartment, but if you want to leave the relationship, you also will have to be prepared to leave the apartment.

No apartment is worth living in a relationship that depletes and depresses you. You may have to offer your boyfriend a financial settlement to get out of your part of the lease -- he may also be willing to have you find another roommate to take your place. If you have to move in with your folks or with a friend while you work this out, you should.

DEAR AMY: My daughter-in-law is a good person, a good wife and a very good mother.

The problem is that she is basically an introvert with a limited personality.

She is not mean-spirited or mean. She basically speaks when she's spoken to, answers questions, etc. She rarely initiates a conversation.

My son says that he has tried talking to her, but other than that, there is little he can do about it. He says that's the way she is.

My husband says I have to learn how to accept her the way she is and not take everything she does (or doesn't do) personally. She loves our son and her children. She is a working mother but finds the time to cover all bases with the kids.

I don't know what to do, or if I should "suck it up." Do you have any suggestions?-- Frustrated Mother-in-Law

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Not only should you find a way to accept your daughter-in-law for being herself, but you should also personally work harder to celebrate her role in your son and grandkids' lives.

There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. People who are quiet offer a wonderful balance against the noise of the rest of the world. Please don't try to "fix" this wonderful wife and mom. Your job is to offer a supportive, warm and welcoming family wherein she can occupy her own quiet place.

DEAR AMY: The letter from "Sober Friend" about trying to stop her friend from drinking and driving broke my heart.

The woman who killed my son and co-worker in the wee hours of April 2, 2004, is no longer drinking and driving. Her friends took her keys, but she found them and tried to drive home.

Now she is in prison.

That morning she ruined her life and broke the hearts of many loving family members of the two men she killed.

If you are really a friend to someone who is too drunk to drive, take the keys, call the cops -- do anything to keep her off the highways.-- Brokenhearted Mom

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: I am so sorry for your tragic loss, and hope this will help others to intervene.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#2
Apr 16, 2013
 

Judged:

1

L1: I wonder how long you dated before moving in. I also wonder what you expected to be different. OR maybe it's just that living in close quarters with your boyfriend on a daily basis has led his negative qualities to be more in the spotlight. Either way, the *legalities* of moving out when you both are 100% responsible for a lease (it's not 50% per person) will be tricky. It seems pretty lousy to stick him with full rent (if he can't afford it).

L2: Yes, by all means, continue to think of her as flawed simply for having a different personality style than you have. By the way, did anyone ever tell you that you come off as hypersensitive?

L3: Oh shut UP, Amy. You're backpedaling all over this issue. The ONE time you didn't take a hard stance on overconsumption of alcohol was this one. You're a hack who should be unemployed.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#3
Apr 16, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

1 Welcome to the real world honey. Move into the other bedroom and tough it out.

2 You are the problem lady. Just because she does not act the way you want, you think she has a problem. I hate you kinda people, chattering away because you fear silence, inviting yourself along because you fear to be alone, and then try to make me more like yourself.... Bleh! Go Away and leave her the hell alone, your driving her batty.

3 I got nuthing for this rehasn

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#4
Apr 16, 2013
 
1- "As soon as we made the move, my love for him disappeared."
Yeah, the same thing happens once you get married, too. At least you got it out of the way already.

2- You are not gonna change her personality. Deal with it, it ain't even your problem. You should have learned by now that everyone has their own, unique personality. Shove it.
pde

Schaumburg, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#5
Apr 16, 2013
 
Lw1: make a plan and stop crying. Once you have a plan (even if it's "I'm going to tough out this lease and then move on") you should feel less depressed.

Also, if part of this is you feeling like you're doing everything to maintain the apartment, well, decide what's important to you and only do that.

Lw2: Are you my MIL?

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#6
Apr 16, 2013
 
pde wrote:
Lw2: Are you my MIL?
Or mine? Minus the whole kids thing?

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

United States

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#7
Apr 16, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1. You "feel so unhappy all the time" and you need guidance as to what to do? Get he heck out. Life's too short. And frankly I'd not give your bf a heads up lest he ditch you and leave you with the apt. that you can't afford. Find other accommodations, then tell him and let him know you'll work with him for a couple months to help find a roommate. And DO NOT listen to the inevitable "I'll change, baby" talk. If it's that bad, just go and don't look back.

2. SO she's a lovely person and your son chose her, but you need to "do something about it" because she isn't what you would prefer? F' you. F' you right in your sanctimonious, self-centered cake hole.

3. Yes, drunk driving is bad. We get it.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#8
Apr 16, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
1- "As soon as we made the move, my love for him disappeared."
Yeah, the same thing happens once you get married, too. At least you got it out of the way already.
I was thinking, "Well, at least you didn't wait until you got married to move in together." I"m not generally on board with living together (Not that it's any of my business), but it sure worked in their favor this time.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#9
Apr 16, 2013
 
For you introverts: IMagine the DIL's exhaustion after spending a day with her MIL.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#10
Apr 16, 2013
 
LW1: I like pde's answer.

LW2: "Please don't try to "fix" this wonderful wife and mom."

This, even though I hate agreeing with Amy.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#11
Apr 16, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
For you introverts: IMagine the DIL's exhaustion after spending a day with her MIL.
Two hours on Saturday with mine. Can I get a drink...or a nap? Both?

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#12
Apr 16, 2013
 
http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-...

The MIL needs to read this book. It's fascinating. I'm so glad my extrovert mother understood my introvert needs most of the time.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#13
Apr 16, 2013
 
So, she should leave the guy holding the bag for the apt just to make sure he does not do it to her? Thats your suggestion?
So much for mature discussion, just screw the guy and save yourself.

I got the impression that SHE was the one who wanted that Apt. She said she loves it, but cant afford it. She even knows where the trash chute is! My guess is that the guy is busting his azz just to pay his part of the rent and he is burnt out.

She had this iconic vision on how it was supposed to be, and guess what? Life came up and beyotch slapped her upside the head.
Sam I Am GEAM wrote:
1. You "feel so unhappy all the time" and you need guidance as to what to do? Get he heck out. Life's too short. And frankly I'd not give your bf a heads up lest he ditch you and leave you with the apt. that you can't afford. Find other accommodations, then tell him and let him know you'll work with him for a couple months to help find a roommate. And DO NOT listen to the inevitable "I'll change, baby" talk. If it's that bad, just go and don't look back.
2. SO she's a lovely person and your son chose her, but you need to "do something about it" because she isn't what you would prefer? F' you. F' you right in your sanctimonious, self-centered cake hole.
3. Yes, drunk driving is bad. We get it.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

United States

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#14
Apr 16, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

1

RACE wrote:
So, she should leave the guy holding the bag for the apt just to make sure he does not do it to her? Thats your suggestion?
So much for mature discussion, just screw the guy and save yourself.
I got the impression that SHE was the one who wanted that Apt. She said she loves it, but cant afford it. She even knows where the trash chute is! My guess is that the guy is busting his azz just to pay his part of the rent and he is burnt out.
She had this iconic vision on how it was supposed to be, and guess what? Life came up and beyotch slapped her upside the head.
<quoted text>
Now you're just making shit up to start a fight. A) Show me where I said she should leave him holding the bag? I said she should protect herself against him doing that to her and that she should work with him on the apt. and to help him find a roommate. B) Where oh where did you get the impression the apt. was her idea? The trash chute reference was about him not knowing where it is because he doesn't pitch in. C) What is your explanation for him getting bent out of shape when she goes by herself (because he doesn't want to) to visit her family? Let me guess, she should stay home to wait on him hand and foot because he slaves away 120 hrs. a week to squeeze out his half of the rent.

Go ahead and make some more stuff up.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#15
Apr 16, 2013
 
You said it right here.
Get he heck out. Life's too short. And frankly I'd not give your bf a heads up lest he ditch you and leave you with the apt. that you can't afford. Find other accommodations.....

Or does not "giving BF a heads up" really mean "discuss your unhappiness."
Does "find other accommodations" really mean "Stay in the apt and honor your contractual obligations of the lease?"

Because to me you are indeed advocating that the chick pack her bags and haul ass outta there. Your spewing about helping the guy find a replacement roommate is only to occur AFTER she is safely out of her financial responsibility for the apt and the guy is solely responsible.
Sam I Am GEAM wrote:
<quoted text>
Now you're just making shit up to start a fight. A) Show me where I said she should leave him holding the bag?

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

United States

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#16
Apr 16, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
You said it right here.
Get he heck out. Life's too short. And frankly I'd not give your bf a heads up lest he ditch you and leave you with the apt. that you can't afford. Find other accommodations.....
Or does not "giving BF a heads up" really mean "discuss your unhappiness."
Does "find other accommodations" really mean "Stay in the apt and honor your contractual obligations of the lease?"
Because to me you are indeed advocating that the chick pack her bags and haul ass outta there. Your spewing about helping the guy find a replacement roommate is only to occur AFTER she is safely out of her financial responsibility for the apt and the guy is solely responsible.
<quoted text>
And of course your cite to my post conveniently stopped right before "...then tell him and let him know you'll work with him for a couple months to help find a roommate." You're also conveniently overlooking that he has bailed on his responsibilities. No help, no interaction, no support. That's just as important and meaningful as any financial obligation. He's checked out, makes no day-to-day contributions, and she's supposed to suck it up, pick up all his slack AND just be a good trooper and keep on paying the rent so he isn't inconvenienced? Sorry, but that's not how things work.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#17
Apr 16, 2013
 
LW2 gives mothers-in-law a bnd name. Good thing she's
just one bad apple and not the norm.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#18
Apr 16, 2013
 

Judged:

1

See, this is why I call you stool. Because you spout nothing but sheit. Then tell him... Tell him what exactly? That she moved out? I bet he could figure that out all by himself.

Answer the question, Did you tell her to move out or not?

And nice way to try and put words in my mouth. Show me where I said the guy was right for doing any of the things he is accused of doing. Alls I said was the guy was probably burned out, that does not mean I support his actions. But of course if I do not agree with you, I must be agreeing with him <EyeRoll>.

Sam I Am GEAM wrote:
<quoted text>
And of course your cite to my post conveniently stopped right before "...then tell him and let him know you'll work with him for a couple months to help find a roommate." You're also conveniently overlooking that he has bailed on his responsibilities. No help, no interaction, no support. That's just as important and meaningful as any financial obligation. He's checked out, makes no day-to-day contributions, and she's supposed to suck it up, pick up all his slack AND just be a good trooper and keep on paying the rent so he isn't inconvenienced? Sorry, but that's not how things work.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

United States

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#19
Apr 16, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
See, this is why I call you stool. Because you spout nothing but sheit. Then tell him... Tell him what exactly? That she moved out? I bet he could figure that out all by himself.
Answer the question, Did you tell her to move out or not?
And nice way to try and put words in my mouth. Show me where I said the guy was right for doing any of the things he is accused of doing. Alls I said was the guy was probably burned out, that does not mean I support his actions. But of course if I do not agree with you, I must be agreeing with him <EyeRoll>.
<quoted text>
Um, yeah I told her to move out. Never said I didn't. I ALSO said she should help him with the apt. and to find a roommate, which you completely keep overlooking conveniently.

So you didn't imply the guy was the victim? That the girl was the cause? Then what else did you mean by:

"I got the impression that SHE was the one who wanted that Apt. She said she loves it, but cant afford it. She even knows where the trash chute is! My guess is that the guy is busting his azz just to pay his part of the rent and he is burnt out.

She had this iconic vision on how it was supposed to be, and guess what? Life came up and beyotch slapped her upside the head."

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#20
Apr 16, 2013
 

Judged:

1

please stop the bickering... even thoguh i can skim overt the converstaion, this introvert is starting to find the bickering exhausting. Since the Bickersons do have good comments when not addressed to each other, i scan teh comments so i don't miss teh good stuff in teh midst of hte arguing and name calling.

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

First Prev
of 2
Next Last
Type in your comments below
Name
(appears on your post)
Comments
Characters left: 4000
Type the numbers you see in the image on the right:

Please note by clicking on "Post Comment" you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

34 Users are viewing the Chicago Forum right now

Search the Chicago Forum:
Title Updated Last By Comments
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 2 min THE GERBIL 1,080,365
Last word + 2 (Mar '12) 6 min andet1987 465
No people will be punchlines in 'Racist Jokes 101' 47 min FOOK U2 Azz Holes 6
McCarthy: 'Very good leads' in investigation in... 54 min McCarthy B An Azz Hole 2
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 56 min loose cannon 174,662
Good Ol' Harry............A True GEM. 1 hr Did he killmost at 1 Time 4
Interview with retired border patrol agent. Tru... 1 hr Very concerned citizen 1
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 9 hr Sublime1 97,539
Abby 7-24 Thu Pippa 42
•••
•••
•••

Chicago Jobs

•••
Enter and win $5000
•••
•••

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••