“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Jul 15, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I have led an unusual life. I lived abroad alone in my late teens, spent my early 20s exploring the West, and finished my college degree a year early while working full time. It gave me independence, experience and clarity.

My problem is, in dating I feel leagues ahead of men who are my age. I am attracted to much older men. My current boyfriend is 15 years older than I am. The age gap is often a topic of conversation among my acquaintances, co-workers and some family members. My boyfriend has also experienced unwanted comments about dating a much younger woman.

What are your thoughts on who a person should be dating in her early 20s? And how should I deal with those who believe I am breaking a social code?-- OLD SOUL IN COLORADO

DEAR OLD SOUL: I can't give you an unbiased opinion because when I was in my early 20s, I dated older men. They liked to talk, I liked to listen, and I learned a great deal about life from them. I hope the same will be true for you.

As to how you should deal with people who accuse you of breaking a social norm, unless they have a valid reason for criticizing the man you're dating, I think you should tune them out.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old woman who is afraid of my true feelings. I have been friends with a woman who is a lesbian for seven years. I have always been attracted to women -- especially her -- but I have always dated men.

I have just ended a five-year relationship, and over the past few months my friend and I have grown very close. I am starting to have feelings for her sexually. I think about her all the time. She's beautiful, smart, inspiring and has an amazing personality.

My problem is, I have an 8-year-old daughter, and I don't know how she would handle it if I were to date a woman instead of a man. I am also afraid of how my family would react.

Our attraction is unspoken, but I can see it when I look into her eyes. Should I admit my feelings or should we remain friends?-- AFRAID OF MY TRUE FEELINGS IN OHIO

DEAR AFRAID: I am reluctant to advise you to spend the rest of your life living a lie in order to avoid upsetting your family, because I don't think it would be healthy for you.

Talk to your friend. Once you are sure the relationship with this woman is serious, mutual and lasting, you can tell your daughter you are dating. Children are adaptable, and this may be less of a surprise to her than you fear. My advice is to listen to your heart and you won't go wrong.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and my son get along better with me when they're not together. When I am there, they gang up on me and become adversarial. I have reached a point where I hate to be around them at the same time.

I don't know what to do about this. When I try to talk to my husband about it, he gets angry and blames me. I don't think I can take much more. What do you think about this?-- THREE'S A CROWD IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR THREE'S A CROWD: If picking on you is part of their male bonding, it's unhealthy. Your husband may do it because he has underlying anger issues he doesn't express directly to you. Your son may participate because his father encourages it, but he should not be allowed to treat you with disrespect.

Before this takes a further toll on your marriage, the three of you should get family counseling. If that doesn't help, you may need individual counseling to help you either stand up for yourself or decide whether you can continue living this way.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Jul 15, 2013
Ltr 1 . 15 years is not that large an age difference especially when the woman is younger.

Ltr 2 LBGTQ. Question all you want, but for the sake of your child, come down on one side or the other before telling your kid. Hint: Women hang around together and do things all the time and no one bats an eye. Keep the sex separate- no sleepovers until you are sure which way you roll -- at this time in your life.

Ltr 3 Every group assigns roles to individuals which they accept. This is true in the office, in politics , in a family.If it is not comfortable per se, everyone knows what to expect and reacts without thinking.(Local example: Edog and Red) If you want change, you need to change your own behavior. Be warned, your change will mean someone else will have to do so as well and you may dislike that as much as your current situation. It is not unlike Whack-A-Mole.

This is one time I really agree that assertiveness training and therapy are needed.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#3 Jul 15, 2013
LW3 - I wish she'd inidicated how old the son is! Little kid? You can fix this. 35-year-old man? That ship has sailed. Get along with them better separately? See them separately!

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#4 Jul 15, 2013
LW1: In the words of the Red Hot Chili Peppers:

F*ck 'em just to see the look on their face.

LW2: PEllen's answer is much better than Abby's.

LW3: Therapy for sure. But it would have been nice to have the age of the child and an example of what they actually say.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#5 Jul 15, 2013
1 Oh for the love of.....
I will bet dollars to donuts that if the BF had written in about dating the younger female, the answer would NOT have been "unless they have a valid reason for criticizing the woman you're dating, I think you should tune them out."

2 You're 26, got knocked up at 18 and now think you might want to be a lesbian for awhile.
I suggest you keep your legs closed to everyone and work on being a Mom for awhile.

3 Talk about your husbands little dingle, and then say how much like his father your son is.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#6 Jul 15, 2013
L1: "Age is just a number." Or ignore, or one-up their jokes. And with friends and family members, you should be able to ask them to please stop commenting because it bothers you.

L2: What PEllen said.

L3: Your husband is kind of a jerk. How old is your son? He might be a jerk too.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#7 Jul 15, 2013
1- Nobody cares, get over yourself.

2- Nobody, especially your eight year old, needs to know about your sex life.

3- As soon as you "hate to be around them," it's time for family counseling.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#8 Jul 15, 2013
RACE wrote:
3 Talk about your husbands little dingle, and then say how much like his father your son is.
Ha! Best answer. Fight fire with fire.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#9 Jul 15, 2013
Is LW3 isolated, a door mat and/or scape goat by nature or is her husband giving South Carolina a bad name? She needs counselling.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#10 Jul 15, 2013
LW1: Itís your life to live. Donít worry so much about what others say or think.

LW2: You donít need to tell your daughter you are dating.

LW3: Translation: Iím a nag.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#11 Jul 15, 2013
I think Pellen gave a great anwer to LW2, as you all did.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#12 Jul 15, 2013
LW3 - this happens wiht my bro & hubby... the both know i'm an easy target,, so the go after me... example: for soem reason, it make me bananas to have the kitchen garbage bag pulled down beyond a certian point. i finally speak up about it (after like 9 years of just redoinitmyowndamself, adn the next time bro & famiiy visit, hubby says "watch this!" and sends me a photo of the bag pulled down to like the middle of the can with a note saying "i took out the garbage, see?"

huybby wouldn't have done that if bro weren't around (the bag arangement, let alone the text). And hubby fully admits that he does it to get my goat. I'm trying to not let it get to me so mych, but it's a deeply engrained part of who we are and how we "work" together.

If LW is worse than this, then if the kid is an adult, limit the full family time. if he's still in school or in other ways more dependent on parents, time for a family congress aobut it/

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#13 Jul 15, 2013
1: Ok..Ok, you're a free spirit, I get it.

2: You're gay curious at this point. Don't screw up your kid, you only get one chance there.

3: Use your words and stop being a victim.

Since: May 13

Monterey, CA

#14 Jul 15, 2013
LW1: I'm with JMW; age is a number. If you find somebody that you are compatible with, who cares how long you have been on this earth? Nobody besides you two should get a vote.

LW2: Team PEllen and edog.

LW3: Team RACE! The best defense is a good offense.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#15 Jul 15, 2013
I don't care about any of these letters. Am I getting jaded?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#16 Jul 15, 2013
Saluki Rod wrote:
1: Ok..Ok, you're a free spirit, I get it.
No doubt. She sure sees how special she is. I didn't see her experiences as all that unusual.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#17 Jul 16, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
No doubt. She sure sees how special she is. I didn't see her experiences as all that unusual.
"My problem is, in dating I feel leagues ahead of men who are my age". Well good for her that men her age can't match her specialness.

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