Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Jan 3, 2013
L1: I admit, if your dad was intolerant of gay people, you threw him for a loop when you came out to him AND informed him that you and your LTR were adopting kids. You KNOW your dad's a huge homophobe--that's why you didn't come out to him earlier, like when you were just dating, or when you got serious with your partner.

YOur dad's had some time now. I think Abby gave decent advice.

L2: The "one for you" probably isn't beholden to her mother and doesn't let mommy call the shots. Nine years? Seven of them long distance? I think you need therapy.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Jan 3, 2013
L2: No one gets arrested for "cyber stalking" simple for texting an ex. This guy violated a restraining order. This means he's completely lying and spinning things in his own head.

Hmmm must be edog!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#4 Jan 3, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I cut my father out of my life years ago, after he declared he could not support my decision to adopt three children from a Russian orphanage with my longtime companion. The adoption announcement coincided with my "coming out" to Dad, who is now married to his third wife.

It must have been a lot for him to take in at one time. He told me plainly that he could not support my decision because he could not "understand" it. He has never met our children, and does not acknowledge them as his grandchildren.

This year on Father's Day, I sent him a card and he replied by email that he was glad to hear from me and he hoped for a reconciliation, but was not sure how to go about it. I responded by email that I was cautiously optimistic that we could reignite a respectful relationship.

I haven't heard back from him and I suspect it's because he saw that I had changed my last name from his to my husband's, a decision I made after our marriage. My father was not aware that I had gotten married. I think I have overwhelmed him again, which has rendered him speechless. Please advise me on how to proceed.-- PRODIGAL SON IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SON: Call your father, tell him you love him and that you would like to schedule a visit with him -- but would like to send him some reading material before you do. Then contact PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). They will be happy to provide you with literature for your dad to help him "understand." Frankly, he has my sympathy because before you hit him with the "double whammy," he didn't have a clue about who you really are.

Whether your name change overwhelmed him or not is irrelevant. The ball is now in your court, so if you want to have a hope of a relationship with your father, you will have to make the next move.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I proposed to the woman who changed me for the better. I love her with all my heart, but after we had been engaged for only four days everything came to a stop. Her mother was against the marriage, and my fiancee wasn't strong enough to follow her heart. We had been in a relationship for more than nine years, most of it long distance except for the last two years.

I couldn't understand her change of heart, and I tried with all my might to find some middle ground. "Claudette" has three children from her first marriage, and I had become a part of their lives and an important family friend.

After getting no reason for calling off the wedding, I began texting her for an answer only to be arrested for cyber-stalking. I know in my heart from letters sent back and forth that this wasn't Claudette's idea, but I can't let go. I know she's the one for me. We made a great couple, but her mother couldn't stand the fact that we were so close. How do I let her go?-- GRIEVING IN FLORIDA

DEAR GRIEVING: You may not believe this, but you're a lucky man. It may take the help of a psychologist for you to disengage emotionally and move on. Given that you wound up in trouble with the law, this would be a wise decision.

It might also help to envision what it would have been like being married not only to Claudette, but also to her mother -- because they appear to be joined at the hip, and the part that's doing the thinking isn't your former fiancee. This may be the reason that her first marriage failed.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Jan 3, 2013
what red said.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#6 Jan 3, 2013
1- So YOU are the one who cut your father out of your life, YOU are the one who hit him with a double whammy out of nowhere, YOU didn't tell him you got married and changed your name, and HE's the jerk??

2- Arrested for cyber-stalking for texting your ex?? I don't think so. But yeah, you sound pathetic and your ex realized it.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#7 Jan 3, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
You KNOW your dad's a huge homophobe--
There is nothing to indicate the dad is a homophobe. I'm always annoyed by these typical, knee-jerk reactions when someone doesn't do a happy dance when their kid "comes out."

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#8 Jan 3, 2013
1 you beytches be crazy

2 you beytches be crazy

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#9 Jan 3, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
There is nothing to indicate the dad is a homophobe. I'm always annoyed by these typical, knee-jerk reactions when someone doesn't do a happy dance when their kid "comes out."
He didn't accept his gay son. He's a homophobe.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#10 Jan 3, 2013
He could accept that he was gay, just not that he wanted to be the "Girl" in the relationship, wearing dresses, shaving his legs,wearing lipstick. That kinda stuff.
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
He didn't accept his gay son. He's a homophobe.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#11 Jan 3, 2013
LW1: Ball's in your court.

LW2: It was time to cut bait a long time ago. Just stop.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#12 Jan 3, 2013
LW1: Reach out again. But remember that you have shocked him quite a bit (that name change was a real doozy, btw) and you two may never be close.

LW2: You're nucking futs. Leave the poor woman alone already.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#13 Jan 3, 2013
RACE wrote:
He could accept that he was gay, just not that he wanted to be the "Girl" in the relationship, wearing dresses, shaving his legs,wearing lipstick. That kinda stuff.
<quoted text>
Yeah! And also the fact he kept his father in the dark about not only his sexuality, but the fact he adopted three kids! Who WOULDN'T be overjoyed to be sprung with all that!?

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#14 Jan 3, 2013
1 You need to learn how to break things to the old homophobe a little more slowly if you want a relationship with him.

Let me guess, you grew up in a small town, didn't you?

2 For Pete's sake, it's over! You know what makes me sad? You do! Now chug on over to Mamby Pamby Land and get some self-esteem! Tissue?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#15 Jan 3, 2013
Saluki Rod wrote:
1 You need to learn how to break things to the old homophobe
There's that word again...
Let me guess, you're a liberal?
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#16 Jan 3, 2013
LW1: Coming out is usually very difficult for gay people, but more difficult if the family has traditional values or lives in a conservative community. It's great that you are willing to reach out to your father with love and try to look at the situation from his point of view. This is a much better approach than cutting him off because you were hurt by his reaction. He was glad to hear from you because you are his son and it is very likely that he loves you unconditionally. He probably doesn't know any other gay people and needs some time to acclimate himself. Keep in touch with him and be patient.

LW2: There's no one person in the world for anybody. That is a romantic myth. Furthermore, what you describe is obsession, not love. Get some therapy and then find someone else, someone who freely returns your affection.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#17 Jan 4, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
There's that word again...
Let me guess, you're a liberal?
I go issue-by-issue, but tend to be more conservative in my leanings. I hate long-term entitlement programs, support pro-choice, and hate overly zealous right and left-wing rantings. Clear enough?
Westwood Willie

Cleveland, OH

#18 Jan 4, 2013
Saluki Rod wrote:
<quoted text>
I go issue-by-issue, but tend to be more conservative in my leanings. I hate long-term entitlement programs, support pro-choice, and hate overly zealous right and left-wing rantings. Clear enough?
You be mixed one mixed-up momma banger. Go onto ya gayness.

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