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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Apr 4, 2013
DEAR AMY: My wife and I are in our late 20s. We have a widower neighbor in his 60s who has been extremely generous to us since we moved in four years ago. For example, he gives us each Christmas and birthday gifts, and we have always reciprocated.

This year, however, he gave my wife a Valentine’s Day gift of a short, sheer nightgown that leaves nothing to the imagination. He said it was “a gift we would both appreciate.” However, I feel the gift crossed the line and wonder if he is expressing a romantic interest in her.
She sees nothing wrong with it and thinks I am being overly jealous. She doesn’t want to ruin our relationship with him, and won’t let me address my concern with him. Am I being unreasonable?-- Good Neighbor

DEAR GOOD NEIGHBOR: I don’t think you are being unreasonable, but you might reframe your concern by dialing it more toward the “bewildered” part of the spectrum.

Moreover, I don’t think you need your wife’s permission to express a point of view about this gift. Your neighbor’s statement (that it is a gift you would both appreciate) leads me to think that — in his stated intent, anyway — this negligee was a gift to both of you.

I agree that this is in poor taste but think you should start by giving your neighbor the benefit of the doubt. He may hand you an opening when he asks if you “enjoyed” this gift. You can say,“Stan, I’ve got to admit, I am confused by your gift. I don’t like the idea of men other than me giving my wife negligees; honestly, it makes me uncomfortable.”

You and your wife need to learn that age-old dictum about fences and neighbors. Relationships thrive when the boundaries are clear and respected.

DEAR AMY: My 30-year-old daughter and her boyfriend (also 30-ish) are kindred spirits. They both enjoy the recycled grunge look. Neither bathe regularly and often they have a noticeable waft that wanders by after they do.

They are not filthy looking but after you are around them for more than 20 minutes, you notice they are unkempt. I know this look is popular among young people, and I normally would not say a word, but I am now hearing complaints about them not being able to get jobs.

They are college educated and quite capable. They are applying for any job they can find, including fast food places. I wonder if either of them has a clue that their lack of hygiene may have more to do with their not getting jobs than the economy does. Should I say something?-- Concerned

DEAR CONCERNED: You don’t say how these two are supporting themselves. If you are contributing toward their support you get to weigh in on their job hunt.

You can ask them how it’s going and what, typically, they do to prepare for an in-person meeting. They have very little time during the course of an interview in which to impress upon a potential employer that they are right for a job.

If they have spotty employment histories and seem unkempt, then someone hiring people to prepare or serve food will not want to hire them because they will seem unreliable and unhygienic.

Offer them this logical shorthand: Wherever they are trying for a job, they should look at current employees for clues about what that manager prefers when it comes to hiring people. I can think of many places where the grunge look would not be an impediment — but bathing is a necessity.

DEAR AMY:“Sober Friend” shared her dilemma of how to handle friends who drink too much when they are out for the evening.

I’d like to recommend a personal Breathalyzer. These can be very inexpensive. I got one and use it. If it shows I’m impaired, I don’t get behind the wheel.-- Also Sober

DEAR SOBER: Many readers recommended these. I see there are many different types and I assume they are not 100 percent accurate, but I do like the idea of taking personal responsibility for your own sobriety.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Apr 4, 2013
L1: I wonder if it was his late wife's.(Ick.) "She sees nothing wrong with it" Then your wife is bonkers. I'd be creeped out BIGTIME. In fact, I don't want *anybody* buying me lingerie unless we're sex partners. I think you need to do the man thing and say to your neighbor, "What the F were you thinking when you gave that to my wife?" I'd love to know his reaction.

L2: I guess your job of raising your daughter isn't done. Time to wrap it up and teach her about washing all the body's intersections on a regular basis.

L3: Stupid. It only shows your alcohol level AT THIS MOMENT. As more alcohol leaves your stomach and enters your blood stream, your BAC will rise. You could go from being legally "okay" to drive to legally drunk in 15 minutes, or half an hour. How long is your drive home? If you need a Breathalyzer to tell you whether it's okay to drive, you probably shouldn't be driving. Grow up.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#3 Apr 4, 2013
LW1: What Amy's intern said.

LW2: There's nothing wrong with their look...except if they're dumb enough to not know to dress differently for a job interview and for the workplace. Additionally, their look has nothing to do with their stench. They sound like filthy clueless slobs.

"I can think of many places where the grunge look would not be an impediment — but bathing is a necessity."

We have a great local TexMex chain called Tijuana Flats. Seems like its an employment requirement to have tattoos or piercings all over your body.

LW3: I can see people using those more for gaming purposes...to see who's drunker.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Apr 4, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
LW3: I can see people using those more for gaming purposes...to see who's drunker.
A local bar here got a breathalyzer to use as a form of entertainment, but then people were using it to see if they were "safe to drive," and the bar got worried about liability and got rid of it.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#5 Apr 4, 2013
L1: What Ang said. I wonder if this creepiness was out of the blue or if looking back, they can see signs that things were going in this direction.

L2: Ew. Aside, Tonka, Jasper's girlfriend checked them in at Tijuana Flats the other night on Facebook.

L3: Yep, have totally used the bar breathalyzer as a contest.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#6 Apr 4, 2013
I liked this response from someone at the WaPo:

The husband should tell the neighbor, "About that sexy nightie, you were wrong about us both enjoying it. My wife thinks I look ridiculous in it."
liner

Patchogue, NY

#7 Apr 4, 2013
L1: He's a dirty old man. Grow a pair already.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#8 Apr 4, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I liked this response from someone at the WaPo:
The husband should tell the neighbor, "About that sexy nightie, you were wrong about us both enjoying it. My wife thinks I look ridiculous in it."
HA!

“Colorful Beyond Words”

Since: May 11

"Always On The Go "

#9 Apr 4, 2013
LW1 The man is in his sixties. So he has a slight crush on the lady and maybe a fantasy or two. Whatever, accept it and move on. If things get creepier later than the husband can say something.

LW2 You are the "mother", can you not tell your daughter to take a freakin' bath?! Hello .. this is not rocket scientist stuff here.

LW3 If you are the DD ..then no drinks. Simple.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#10 Apr 4, 2013
L1: Ew. Slightly off topic, my least favorite neighbors have a for sale sign in their yard! Woot!

L2: " I know this look is popular among young people" Uh...maybe in the grunge era, but not now and not at 30 years old. And it's never been cool to stink. I'm guessing they're meth or heroin addicts.

L3: We have a breathalyzer. It's a fun party game. FWIW, I've never blown over the legal limit on it; I think the "drunkest" I'd consider driving is at .05.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#11 Apr 4, 2013
As a next door neighbkor, the possibility exists of his being a peeping tom or window watcher

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#12 Apr 4, 2013
Hatti_Hollerand wrote:
Whatever, accept it and move on.
No effing way! Dude should have taken it right back to this creep and tell him if he ever gets his wife something like that again, he's gonna get his old man @zz creamed. Aside from anything else, he's showing waaaayyy too much interest in their sex lives.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#13 Apr 4, 2013
2- Let me guess, their degrees are probably in something like art history. And no, their grunge look is NOT popular among 30- somethings. Typical hippie liberals. See? You don't see consevatives acting this way.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#14 Apr 4, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
You don't see consevatives acting this way.
No, I never see conservatives purposely rip the sleeves off their shirts and pride themselves on being "redneck".

“Colorful Beyond Words”

Since: May 11

"Always On The Go "

#15 Apr 4, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
No effing way! Dude should have taken it right back to this creep and tell him if he ever gets his wife something like that again, he's gonna get his old man @zz creamed. Aside from anything else, he's showing waaaayyy too much interest in their sex lives.
LOL .. What and be mean to the the nice little widow neighbor man, who was only trying to help their young relationship stay on the "sexy" side. Please ...

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#16 Apr 4, 2013
Hatti_Hollerand wrote:
LW1 The man is in his sixties. So he has a slight crush on the lady and maybe a fantasy or two. Whatever, accept it and move on. If things get creepier later than the husband can say something.
Sorry. Another man buying my wife sexy lingerie is creepy enough for me.
tina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#17 Apr 4, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
We have a great local TexMex chain called Tijuana Flats.
MMMM - I LOVE Tijuana Flats! But those raw jalapenos get me every time!!!

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#18 Apr 4, 2013
LW1: All I can think of is I'm glad this is not me. I understand about wanting to keep a good relationship with the neighbor, but ew, he should not be buying lingerie for them/her.

Find a funny way to tell him he stepped over the line.

LW2: This is not popular among young people today, this is only popular with the ultra-crunchy folk who believe that even bacteria on the human body have a right to live.

Tell them straight up that the reason they're not getting jobs is because they smell bad.

LW3: This again?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#19 Apr 4, 2013
L1: It's inappropriate that he bought that but there's all types of people who buy the wrong and/or inappropriate gifts. If the topic comes up, say something like Amy suggested. Otherwise, let it go.

L2: I'm with Hatti. I'd tell 'em -- Go Take A Shower!

L3: Just don't drink and drive.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#20 Apr 4, 2013
LW1: I'm with Red, I would be very creeped out if my neighbor bought me lingerie. Tell him that the gift was very inappropriate.

LW2: What Hatti said.
Over here the pierced, tattooed, and ear stretched folks work at the music store.

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