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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Oct 17, 2013
DEAR ABBY: You gave some nice advice to "Afraid of the Loss" (June 25), who wrote concerning the impending death of a beloved pet. I think your suggestion of a support group is helpful, but having lost a pet I had for 16 years, I have experienced the deep pain this man will feel.

Adding a second pet to his home while his pet is still alive often energizes an older pet. When the time comes, it will help the human to have another loving pet to help with the grieving.

As I learned, only time was able to take the deep hurt to a place where I could think of him without tears. Keeping the ashes of a pet can be comforting, whether you choose to bury them later or tuck them away in your home.

Most important is having a plan for when that moment comes so you automatically know what needs to be done. It really helped to have all the details of his final moments thought out so I felt in control.

I wouldn't have missed the love of my dog even knowing the pain that has to come in the end. It's something that should be on everyone's bucket list.-- CATHY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CATHY: My thanks to you and all the readers who sent heartfelt letters supporting "Afraid." It's easy to see why dogs are called man's best friend because of all the love, affection, entertainment and companionship they give us, and why we only want the best for them in this life and after. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your pet is your child. Anyone who doesn't understand that isn't worth worrying about when the loss occurs. Will it hurt? Of course. But the pain does ease in time.
When my first dog died, I spoke with a grief counselor at the local veterinary college. It didn't make my pain disappear, but it helped me to understand it more. Your pet does not live in the future, but in the moment. Enjoy every moment you have together and accept the unconditional love your pet has given you. You will get through it.-- DEB IN BELMONT, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: Having shared the love of many pets over the years, I have found that dealing with the loss of our furry friends never gets easier, no matter how many times you go through it. I just reflect on all the cherished times I shared with them, and I know I did my best to make their lives grand. I know I'm better off for having shared their company.

Having rescued all of my past and current pets from shelters, I saved them from an uncertain life. I gave them a loving home with affection, stability and a warm bed. While they all leave us at some point, their memory lives on in our hearts.

I think Irving Townsend said it best: "We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we would still live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan." -- FOUR PAWS FATHER

DEAR ABBY: "Afraid of the Loss" is not alone. Anyone who has known the love of a dog knows the fear of losing that unmatched companionship.

When my dog was reaching the end of his lifespan, a fellow dog-lover advised me to get a puppy. I'm passing her advice along to "Afraid." Get a puppy or go to the shelter and adopt a dog -- any dog. You will save the dog, and the dog will save you right back.-- MONIQUE IN TEXAS

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 Oct 17, 2013
Just let my pet go after 20yrs, having other pets helps, and knowing I did my best, both during her life and putting her to sleep.
If your pet stresses going to the vet and you can afford it, do the home hospice thing.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#3 Oct 17, 2013
I know I'm going to catch some flack for this but...pets do not equal children.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#4 Oct 17, 2013
Oh for Godssake, if you need grief counseling to get over the loss of an animal, you've got bigger problems.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#5 Oct 17, 2013
squishymama wrote:
I know I'm going to catch some flack for this but...pets do not equal children.
You won't catch flack from me! I'll even say it with you, pets are not children!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#6 Oct 17, 2013
Not to you.
You do not form the emotional attachement to your pets as some people do. I dont either for that matter, but I am not one to tell anyone else how "They feel".
squishymama wrote:
I know I'm going to catch some flack for this but...pets do not equal children.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#7 Oct 17, 2013
Pets aren't children to me either. Pets to me can be part of the family, feel a great loss for that pet (and I have) when it dies, but it would never equal a child.

Sorta drives me nuts when people say their pets are their children. I think -- take care of a child from infancy to 18 and see if you feel the same way.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#8 Oct 17, 2013
RACE wrote:
Not to you.
You do not form the emotional attachement to your pets as some people do. I dont either for that matter, but I am not one to tell anyone else how "They feel".
<quoted text>
I form what I feel are natural attachements to the pets I've had (even the little rodent, when I didn't want to), but I also realize that part of living is dying and if you can't deal with that part of owning a pet, you shouldn't have one.

And pets can be replaced MUCH easier than children. Heck, half the advice given was go to the pound and get a puppy. If I lose a child, I cannot just go to the hospital and pick up a new infant and I'm too old to have another.

Children and pets are not equal.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#9 Oct 17, 2013
Yeah, and some people cant have children to begin with, so for them to say that their pets are their children is valid for them. They are not saying that their pets "Are Children" but that their pets fulfill their nurturing needs normally associated with parenting.

For someone going all batsheit crazy over peanuts, I am kinda surprised your having an issue with this.
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
I form what I feel are natural attachements to the pets I've had (even the little rodent, when I didn't want to), but I also realize that part of living is dying and if you can't deal with that part of owning a pet, you shouldn't have one.
And pets can be replaced MUCH easier than children. Heck, half the advice given was go to the pound and get a puppy. If I lose a child, I cannot just go to the hospital and pick up a new infant and I'm too old to have another.
Children and pets are not equal.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 Oct 17, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
I form what I feel are natural attachements to the pets I've had (even the little rodent, when I didn't want to), but I also realize that part of living is dying and if you can't deal with that part of owning a pet, you shouldn't have one.
And pets can be replaced MUCH easier than children. Heck, half the advice given was go to the pound and get a puppy. If I lose a child, I cannot just go to the hospital and pick up a new infant and I'm too old to have another.
Children and pets are not equal.
Its not about equality. My child dying is certaily going to affect me morw than my dog dying, but I can assure you, there are many people in my life whose death will not affect me anywhere near how losing my dog will. For people without 2 legged children, those 4 legged ones take their place emotionally. They ARE like children. That's not meant to marginalize or lessen the importance of human children but meant to show how strongly people feel for their pets. Don't take it as some sort of competition.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#11 Oct 17, 2013
RACE wrote:
Yeah, and some people cant have children to begin with, so for them to say that their pets are their children is valid for them. They are not saying that their pets "Are Children" but that their pets fulfill their nurturing needs normally associated with parenting.
For someone going all batsheit crazy over peanuts, I am kinda surprised your having an issue with this.
<quoted text>
To quote a letter above: "Your pet is your child. Anyone who doesn't understand that isn't worth worrying about when the loss occurs."

So yes, they are saying their pets are their children. They may love them like children, but a dog cannot tell you to f*ck off, steal the car keys and get into a wreck. The obligations are similar but not congruent and it irks me when people insist that they are identical.

And I'm not going batsh!t crazy over peanuts, I'm going batsh!t crazy trying to argue with someone who seems to have absolutely no concept of kindness or empathy.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#12 Oct 17, 2013
I still say you are wrong in your interpretation.
saying pets are "their children" is a world away from saying their pet is a "child".

Lighten up on the childless folk supplicating their emotional needs with a pet.
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
So yes, they are saying their pets are their children. They may love them like children, but a dog cannot tell you to f*ck off, steal the car keys and get into a wreck. The obligations are similar but not congruent and it irks me when people insist that they are identical.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#13 Oct 17, 2013
RACE wrote:
I still say you are wrong in your interpretation.
saying pets are "their children" is a world away from saying their pet is a "child".
Lighten up on the childless folk supplicating their emotional needs with a pet.
<quoted text>
Dude, I quoted from a letter that says their pet is their child! I'm not making it up or interpreting it in any way. It's what they said.

OK.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#14 Oct 17, 2013
Dudette, "Their child" is not saying "A child" They know its not a child, it's not a baby or a toddler, but it is an emotional surrogate, does that really need to be stated for you?

If you were Tonka I could understand, but even he gets the concept.
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
Dude, I quoted from a letter that says their pet is their child! I'm not making it up or interpreting it in any way. It's what they said.
OK.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#15 Oct 17, 2013
RACE wrote:
Dudette, "Their child" is not saying "A child" They know its not a child, it's not a baby or a toddler, but it is an emotional surrogate, does that really need to be stated for you?
If you were Tonka I could understand, but even he gets the concept.
<quoted text>
I promised to lighten up, but I have to note that I have seen people from whom this line is fuzzy.

I can't tell you how many times I've been walking on Michigan Ave. and its surrounds and seen an older woman pushing a baby stroller. I think "oh how sweet, gramma is babysitting" and when I go to admire the babe, I discover that it's a dog being pushed around in a stroller.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#16 Oct 17, 2013
I have seen this also, but I dont think they are planning a birthday party for the mutt, or setting up a college fund.
If thats all they got, then who are they hurting? Its not like their crop dusting a stadium with peanut dust.:)
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
I promised to lighten up, but I have to note that I have seen people from whom this line is fuzzy.
I can't tell you how many times I've been walking on Michigan Ave. and its surrounds and seen an older woman pushing a baby stroller. I think "oh how sweet, gramma is babysitting" and when I go to admire the babe, I discover that it's a dog being pushed around in a stroller.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#17 Oct 17, 2013
RACE wrote:
I have seen this also, but I dont think they are planning a birthday party for the mutt, or setting up a college fund.
If thats all they got, then who are they hurting? Its not like their crop dusting a stadium with peanut dust.:)
<quoted text>
:P

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#18 Oct 17, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
I promised to lighten up, but I have to note that I have seen people from whom this line is fuzzy.
I can't tell you how many times I've been walking on Michigan Ave. and its surrounds and seen an older woman pushing a baby stroller. I think "oh how sweet, gramma is babysitting" and when I go to admire the babe, I discover that it's a dog being pushed around in a stroller.
I've done that. My older dog has arthritis and can go for long walks, but we wanted to take him around the neighborhood. So we brought the stroller cause we knew he would not make it too far.

As far as calling them kids, I did that before I had kids and I still do. I refer to them as my 4-legged children. Trust me when I say I am well aware of the difference between them and the 2-legged ones.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#19 Oct 17, 2013
*CAN'T* go for long walks

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#20 Oct 17, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I've done that. My older dog has arthritis and can go for long walks, but we wanted to take him around the neighborhood. So we brought the stroller cause we knew he would not make it too far.
As far as calling them kids, I did that before I had kids and I still do. I refer to them as my 4-legged children. Trust me when I say I am well aware of the difference between them and the 2-legged ones.
These were not old dogs I saw. I am think they do it so they can go shopping with wittle poopsie.

I know you do,'cause you're like half Vulcan, but I do think for some people, that distinction is a bit fuzzy.

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