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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Aug 7, 2013
DEAR AMY: My sister was recently able to contact a niece whom we have not seen since she was 12. Sheís now almost 30.

The niece responded cordially and said she would like to resume a relationship. Her condition is that we not inform her father (our brother) of any information we receive from her.
My brother is estranged from his two children, but we donít know the reason. My brother has very little contact with me and refuses my requests for visits, but we do communicate occasionally by e-mail and telephone calls.

I would like to have a relationship with my niece, but I donít like the idea of concealing information from my brother.

Can you offer any advice?-- Wondering

DEAR WONDERING: Your response to your niece should be,ďWeíre so happy to reconnect with you. I never see your father, but I occasionally hear from him. I would never volunteer anything about you or disclose your contact information without your permission, but it makes me uncomfortable to conceal information from a family member. Can we talk about this?Ē

Your niece may have valid reasons to withhold information from her father, and you should respect this. Forging a relationship with her as an adult gives you an opportunity to help her heal from childhood wounds. I give you credit for thoughtfully pursuing this relationship.

DEAR AMY: After 40 years of marriage, I reconnected with an old boyfriend on Facebook. We got together a few times and ended up being intimate. His wife found out, and he broke off any further contact.

He confided in me that he had cheated on her with another woman on an ongoing basis for a year.

My problem? I canít get over him. I have been in love with him for all these years, never got over him and find I still have feelings for him. How do I get over these feelings?

My husband has no idea I cheated on him this one time; otherwise, I have been faithful to him for all these years. I realize these types of letters are usually written by much younger people, but I still have feelings for this man.

What should I do?-- Lost

DEAR LOST: Now that many kids have stopped using Facebook, the social networking site seems to function mainly as a vehicle by which people in my generation can get themselves into trouble.

The kind of passion you can have with someone from your youth who is unavailable is very different from the steadiness (perhaps staleness) of your very long marriage.

Passion is not rational, but its antidote is. Try to consider rationally the true attractiveness of the serial cheater who rejects you when he is caught.

Now that you have been rejected (this is part of the reason you are stuck in your passionate moment), you need to distract yourself by deliberately choosing to build ó or rebuild ó other relationships in order to stop ruminating about the one you canít (and shouldnít) have.

The way to get over this relationship is to recommit and reconnect to your marriage ó one day at a time. If you have learned anything from this episode (perhaps that you want more heat and passion in your life), take these lessons and apply them to your marriage. If you find you cannot override your longings over time on your own, therapy could help.

DEAR AMY: Your response to ďOf Sound MindĒ slightly missed the mark. Many young, ambitious women see their career choice as empowering and all-consuming.

She remarks that her career ambition is higher than being a stay-at-home mom.

Some of us stay-at-home moms are highly educated, had brilliant careers and then left these careers to pursue other dreams (like having a family).

A truly intelligent and worldly woman keeps all of her options open and fulfills them in due time.-- A Bryant, Esq.

DEAR A: Iíve received many responses from women urging this teenager to keep all of her options open ó including the ongoing option not to have children.

Because she feels so strongly about this, her sexual choices will have to be very thoughtful and deliberate.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Aug 7, 2013
L1: "My brother is estranged from his two children, but we donít know the reason." "I would like to have a relationship with my niece, but I donít like the idea of concealing information from my brother." Why? He had no problem concealing LOTS of information from YOU.

Either agree to her terms, or keep your busybody selves out of her life. An adult almost always has a legitimate reason for having no contact with a parent. What if your brother molested his daughter? I absolutely disagree with Amy. It's really not the LW's business WHY there's an estrangement.

You know what? Nevermind. Drop contact with this girl. I do not trust you one bit.

L2: "My husband has no idea I cheated on him this one time." Um, no. You may have had SEX with this other guy only once, but you cheated on your husband every time you lied about who you were emailing, who you were going to see, etc. It's all one big ol' fat cheat. And trust me, honey, you are SO not special enough that this other guy wouldn't cheat on you. You're not special at all.

Or maybe if your husband did more housework....

L3: sick of it.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#3 Aug 7, 2013
1 Stay away from the girl, you're meddlesome.

2 Nice wrist slap from amy on the cheating wife. If the husband had written in, he would have been required to full disclosure to the wife, counseling, and a lifetime of groveling at his wifes feet begging forgiveness and proving his fidelity.

Dont say I'm wrong, cause you know it's true.

3 Feeling a touch of what Squishy had yesterday.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Aug 7, 2013
RACE wrote:
2 Nice wrist slap from amy on the cheating wife. If the husband had written in, he would have been required to full disclosure to the wife, counseling, and a lifetime of groveling at his wifes feet begging forgiveness and proving his fidelity.
Dont say I'm wrong, cause you know it's true.
Yup.
edogxxx

Chicago, IL

#5 Aug 7, 2013
1- Why do you feel compelled to be a blabber mouth? Respect your niece's wishes.

2- Work on your marriage or end it.

3- You are wasting an education if you just plan on being a stay at home mom. If that's your goal in life, more power to you, but don't bother with college.
edogxxx

Chicago, IL

#6 Aug 7, 2013
Oh, and many kids have stopped using facebook?

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#7 Aug 7, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
Oh, and many kids have stopped using facebook?
True. There are numerous articles on this. I think ever since the adults and companies started using it they have largely gone on to something else.Snapchat?. Makes sense, you know that kids tend to avoid whatever adults have involved themselves in.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#8 Aug 7, 2013
LW1: Relationships arenít one sided affairs. Both parties must be agreeable to it. If thatís something you canít agree to then tell her you canít. If it is, then tell her you will, and be true to your word. Itís really that simple.

LW2: If that were a man, Amy would have read him the riot act.

What should you do? Um, itís over. The only thing you can do is accept it and move on, just as people must do anytime things donít work out in a relationship and one wishes that were not the case.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#9 Aug 7, 2013
1: it's none of your business why she and the father are estranged. My feeling is this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to this family's dysfunction.

2: I wonder if Amy would smack a husband on the wrist any harder?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#10 Aug 7, 2013
dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
True. There are numerous articles on this. I think ever since the adults and companies started using it they have largely gone on to something else.Snapchat?. Makes sense, you know that kids tend to avoid whatever adults have involved themselves in.
We geezered FB!
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#11 Aug 7, 2013
1: It's phrased weirdly, because it sounds like niece would be willing to share important info, not just have a surface relationship.
I never lie so LW could agree not to go blabbing with brother on her own but if he ask....not sure he would.

2: Punch your lying, cheating self in the taco.
I have ZERO pity for cheaters. ZERO.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#12 Aug 7, 2013
dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
True. There are numerous articles on this. I think ever since the adults and companies started using it they have largely gone on to something else.Snapchat?. Makes sense, you know that kids tend to avoid whatever adults have involved themselves in.
Yup, I'm reading those too.
Once adults come in, kids go elsewhere.
It's why Myspace stopped being cool.
Fads are short-lived.

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#13 Aug 7, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
We geezered FB!
Ha..

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#14 Aug 7, 2013
LW1: Either you can agree to her conditions or you can't. Amy can't decide that for you.

LW2: Oh the drama!

LW3: "Because she feels so strongly about this, her sexual choices will have to be very thoughtful and deliberate."

No Amy, you dolt. Her birth control choices have to be thoughtful and deliberate; she can f*ck whomever she wants.
edogxxx

Chicago, IL

#15 Aug 7, 2013
Then where do all the cool kids hang out now? I've never heard of this Snapshit thing. I'm not ready to give up my youth, dammit!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#16 Aug 7, 2013
What Race said
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#17 Aug 7, 2013
Team Red.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#18 Aug 7, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
3- You are wasting an education if you just plan on being a stay at home mom. If that's your goal in life, more power to you, but don't bother with college.
and what shoudl a girl do when her husband keels over and dies with no warning? Or when his mental illness manifests itself and the family needs some financial stabiltiy and medical insurance?

i know people in both circumstances. luckiliy, the first one was already working (don't nkow her whole history, but i think she may have stayed home with the kids when they were younger). and the second one has had a couple different jobs to make family ends meet. She had to give up one that she loved in order to take one with isnurance.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#19 Aug 7, 2013
Aisle Sitter wrote:
<quoted text>
and what shoudl a girl do when her husband keels over and dies with no warning? Or when his mental illness manifests itself and the family needs some financial stabiltiy and medical insurance?
Or divorces you or treats you badly, such that you would like to divorce him, but know you will have a hard time making it on your own flipping burgers.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#20 Aug 7, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
Team Red.
I have a manager's jersey just for you!

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