“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Dec 9, 2012
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old woman and have been in a committed relationship with "Max" for six years. He proposed four years ago and I told him I wanted to marry him, except I wasn't ready at that time.

The years have gone by, and we have flourished as a couple. Most people would swear that we're already married. However, I have been worrying lately that I might have blown my chance for another proposal. Max doesn't mention marriage anymore except if I initiate conversation with a related topic. Some of our mutual friends are now engaged and Max has made no comment on the future of our relationship. He seems content in our current state.

I feel silly for wanting to be proposed to again, but it is important to me. I don't want to be pushy and force Max into it. Should I talk to him about it or wait it out and see?-- HOPEFUL FUTURE BRIDE IN NEVADA

DEAR HOPEFUL: Max is not a mind reader. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, so if you want a second proposal, squeak up and tell him so. Because you put him off before, he may think you are still not ready for further commitment.

DEAR ABBY: I can't believe I'm actually writing to you, but I need an answer to this question. What is the time limit for acknowledging someone's attendance at a memorial service?

My mother passed away nine months ago. Our relationship had not been an easy one. She had been ill, but the end came very quickly. My youngest sister had died two years before.

To make a long story short, I went into a total meltdown. Life just stopped for me. Would it be appropriate to "come clean" and tell everyone that I was grossly overwhelmed (an understatement) with my grieving, or should I just send a short acknowledgment, thanking them for the time they took to attend my mother's memorial?-- WONDERING IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR WONDERING: Grief is an individual process. No two people grieve exactly alike, and most of us understand that. It is never too late to say thank you, and if you include an explanation with your acknowledgment, it would be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: I am sending out our annual Christmas cards. I do not want to include my husband's name on them this year. We haven't spoken to each other in two years. We still occupy the same house -- but thank God it's large so we don't have to see each other often. We have a son away at college. Please tell me it is OK.-- MARRIED AND NOT, ALBANY, N.Y.

DEAR MARRIED AND NOT: If you follow your impulse and omit your husband's name from the cards, it will be like announcing that he is dead or that you have separated. While I sympathize with you, do not omit his name unless you are prepared to answer the questions that will surely follow. If you're ready to "make an announcement," then do as you wish.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Dec 9, 2012
1- communicate.

2- I have never received any acknowledgment of any kind for ever attending a funeral.

3- I'm surprised he's letting you stay in his house. Maybe he risks losing it if he divorces you. Do him a favor and move out already. You're the reason men are leery of marriage.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Dec 9, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
1- communicate.
2- I have never received any acknowledgment of any kind for ever attending a funeral.
3- I'm surprised he's letting you stay in his house. Maybe he risks losing it if he divorces you. Do him a favor and move out already. You're the reason men are leery of marriage.
2.We hang in different circles. If you go to a wake or service where there is a guest book, and if you sign in, you get an acknowledgement card. Most often they are pre-printed by teh funeral home and jut signed by the family and addressed but it is still a card. The only time I get something specific and personal is if I am close with either the dead person or the family member.

3. C'mon Dog. She is probably paying half the mortgage so it is equally hers as well as his. No reason he shouldn't move out based on your reasoning. If you have to have a roommate, being in a nice big house that you have lived in for a long time doesn't sound bad, cause that is what they are: roommates or people living in teh same apartment building.

You are probably right that it is economics. If it was a religious reason they have stayed together, she would have said so

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#4 Dec 9, 2012
L1: Why not propose to him?

L2: I'm with PEllen. There's been a couple of times where an acknowledgement didn't come but people's life can change drastically when someone dies and they have a lot on their plate. I don't sweat it. Anytime is a good time for a nice note, though. I'd send one if I was the LW.

L3: It doesn't matter. Everyone probably already knows. You live in the same house, though. You could just put your last name: From the Jameson's -- Happy Holidays or whatever. Then put your personal note with only your sig. Takes care of both things.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#5 Dec 9, 2012
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
3. C'mon Dog. She is probably paying half the mortgage so it is equally hers as well as his. No reason he shouldn't move out based on your reasoning. If you have to have a roommate, being in a nice big house that you have lived in for a long time doesn't sound bad, cause that is what they are: roommates or people living in teh same apartment building.
You are probably right that it is economics. If it was a religious reason they have stayed together, she would have said so
If that works for some people, great. Personally, I could never live like that. Can't imagine who would even WANT to share a house with someone you can't even stand to talk to.

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