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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#1
Jun 24, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I invite our friends for dinner quite often, and invitations are always accepted. Recently, I began to notice that we are never invited to some of their homes for dinner.

I know entertaining isn't for everyone, but they do entertain other people -- just not us. I'm not sure why this is. We would never go empty-handed. If we weren't asked to bring a dessert or an appetizer, we would at least bring a bottle of wine to thank our hosts, and I'd help to clear the dishes and straighten the kitchen when the meal is over.

Have you any thoughts as to why an invitation is never extended to us?-- NOT ON THE "A" LIST

DEAR NOT: The problem may be that the couple is embarrassed that they can't entertain you as lavishly as you have entertained them. Or, they may have never been taught that it is rude to accept people's hospitality and not reciprocate in some way. Because they are friends, you should pose this question to them and ask for an honest answer.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 19 years and this is the third time I have caught my wife cheating. I didn't catch her "in the act" because she disguised it behind "vacations with her girlfriends." What happened was I caught her sending some guy nude pictures of herself and lying about having stayed at a friend's house.(She had spent the night with a guy.)

I have remained in this marriage because I wanted to raise all my kids before separating or divorcing. I am leaving eventually, but want to stay four more years to raise my last son.

Is it immoral to lie and pretend like I want to work it out? I feel this is the best way not to damage my children.-- RESPONSIBLE DAD IN GEORGIA

DEAR DAD: I don't think you should lie. Instead, talk calmly with your wife and tell her that it's clear to you that she isn't satisfied in the marriage or she wouldn't be doing what she has been doing. You might be able to accomplish what you want with your son through a joint custody arrangement -- or full custody, if your wife wishes. That way, she could live her life as she apparently wants to, and so can you.

DEAR ABBY: My next-door neighbor lets her two children, a 6-year-old boy and a 7-year-old girl, run around naked all the time. This includes playing in her front yard and in the street.

I don't want to seem like a prude or cause problems in the neighborhood, but let's face it -- there are perverts everywhere. At what age is it no longer acceptable for children to be nude in public?-- TAKEN ABACK IN MONTANA

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Children over the age of 3 should not be out in public with no clothes -- and no child should be playing outside that way without supervision. For that matter, clothed or not, for their own safety children should not play in the street.

Your neighbor's lack of attention is irresponsible and inappropriate. If you can't make her see the light, then child protective services should be consulted.

Since: Jan 10

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#2
Jun 24, 2013
 

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L2: do your kids a favor and divorce her now. Teach them to have dignity.

L3: I'd call the cops. This woman is showing poor judgment.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#3
Jun 24, 2013
 

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1 Agreed, just ask, but do it nicely.

2 Your wife is sleeping all over town and you want to know if it is it immoral to lie and pretend like I want to work it out?

You are a flipping doormat buddy.

3 Yeah, let the cops know. Cause when you dial into your security system from work to check on your home, and your boss sees a couple of naked kids romping on your computer, you are toast.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#4
Jun 24, 2013
 
L3: Yeah, Abby, the problem is that they're playing in the street.*eyeroll* You have no idea what kind of neighborhood it is, and it may be perfectly safe to play in the streets (fully clothed).

I kind of wonder if they're foreign. My friend had an Indian family in his neighborhood who just let their toddler run around naked and was wondering if they should let them figure it out or if they should say something.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

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#5
Jun 24, 2013
 

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LW1 - Stop inviting people who don't invite you and see what transpires.

LW2 - What Red said is one way to go about it. Another is to have a frank talk with your wife (and maybe a therapist) and state that you are willing to be civil and amicable, but what you will have is not going to be a marriage but a sort of roommate-like situation for the sake of the kids. She can have her little affairs on the side so long as none of them spill into the household. In the meantime, be the primary caregiver to your kids, be there for them, be responsible.

Btw, I think the guy wants to stay in the marriage until the kids are grown because he is afraid that the cheating mom will get all or most custody of the kids, and they will be growing up in a household with a revolving door for boyfriends. I can't blame him. When you are married to a snake who is not obviously an alcoholic, drug addict, grossly dysfunctional due to a diagnosed mental illness, or physically abusive, child custody is a major (actually MAJOR) consideration in filing for divorce.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

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#6
Jun 24, 2013
 

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LW3 - You see naked kids playing in the front yard and you haven't called the cops or CPS yet? Do it now.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#7
Jun 24, 2013
 
LW1: Maybe it's just me, but I never invite people over for dinner and expect a return invite. I entertain because I want to share my home and a meal with people. I expect my guests to have a good time and nothing more.

But I have to confess that we don't "entertain" much, so I may feel a little differently if I was doing this on a monthly basis. But not that much differently.

LW2: I was going to say take the kid and go, but then I read Cass's response and now I'm not so sure...

LW3: The nakedness is the problem, not where they play. Do they have enough money to buy clothes? Or are they so poor that summer clothes seem optional? If this is the case, maybe an anonymous gift would help.

But I'm doubting that this is the issue, so maybe you should try talking to this neighbor first. Matilda is right, it could be a different-culture thing.

And don't call the cops or CPS unless you want to bring the sh!tstorm down on these people's head.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

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#9
Jun 24, 2013
 

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1: Didja ever consider that your get-togethers may not be as dazzling as you apparently think they are?

2: Get some self-respect and divorce the cheater. Jeez, man up!

3: Get those hipies to put some clothes on Sunbeam and Moonchild!

Since: Aug 08

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#10
Jun 24, 2013
 
LW1: Do such things because you want to do them Ö not because you expect to be repaid.

LW2: Lots of folks get divorced. I fail to see the need to stick it out in a marriage where there is no love or respect. Thatís not exactly a good example to set, either.

LW3: Thatís fíd up. I'd go over and talk to them, before doing anything more extreme.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#11
Jun 24, 2013
 
1. Think hard before you ask them why, because they may answer honestly. Two things could happen: your feelings could be hurt and you would lose the grudge you have been so carefully nurturing.

2. Your wife has exactly the life she wants right now. She has a house , kids, two incomes(presumably) and nookie on the side. However, so do you ( except for the stuff on the side). If she is discreet(emailing nude photos is not discreet btw), ask yourself whether you are better off with her or without her. When you start to date you will not trust any woman, you will be suspicious and unattractive, and as soon as you tell your story, your next girlfriend will wonder what you lack that was incentive for wife #1 to regularly stray.

3. Something is weird here. By 6 or 7 peer group pressure makes kids want to conform, especially if they are in school. Toddlers run around naked- think the Coppertone ads, but by 6 or 7 , no. No fair labeling them foreign as an excuse. Someone show me a non-US culture where it is accepted that kids of both sexes run naked in public at this age.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#12
Jun 24, 2013
 
PEllen wrote:
13. Something is weird here. By 6 or 7 peer group pressure makes kids want to conform, especially if they are in school. Toddlers run around naked- think the Coppertone ads, but by 6 or 7 , no. No fair labeling them foreign as an excuse. Someone show me a non-US culture where it is accepted that kids of both sexes run naked in public at this age.
Ever seen a National Geographic?:-P Seriously, I think the US is one of the most uptight in terms of nudity for all ages.

But yeah, you'd think they'd have been made fun of mercilessly by now.

Since: Jan 10

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#13
Jun 24, 2013
 
Cass wrote:
LW1 - Stop inviting people who don't invite you and see what transpires.
LW2 - What Red said is one way to go about it. Another is to have a frank talk with your wife (and maybe a therapist) and state that you are willing to be civil and amicable, but what you will have is not going to be a marriage but a sort of roommate-like situation for the sake of the kids. She can have her little affairs on the side so long as none of them spill into the household. In the meantime, be the primary caregiver to your kids, be there for them, be responsible.
Btw, I think the guy wants to stay in the marriage until the kids are grown because he is afraid that the cheating mom will get all or most custody of the kids, and they will be growing up in a household with a revolving door for boyfriends. I can't blame him. When you are married to a snake who is not obviously an alcoholic, drug addict, grossly dysfunctional due to a diagnosed mental illness, or physically abusive, child custody is a major (actually MAJOR) consideration in filing for divorce.
Fair points.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#14
Jun 24, 2013
 

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French Canadians.
The house across the canal is owned by one, and during summer they rent it out a week at a time. I have seen more than a couple of times where there were naked kids (prolly up to about 7ish) running around with no clothes on and in the pool. Also have seen young teen girls topless. It used to shock me, but just like seeing guys swapping spit, you get numb to it. You still think its wrong, but you arent all edog about it.
PEllen wrote:
Someone show me a non-US culture where it is accepted that kids of both sexes run naked in public at this age.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#15
Jun 24, 2013
 
L1: They're just not that into you, I guess.

L2: I was thinking that the LW should go get the divorce and then I read Cass'. Cass has valid points. It would be a deep consideration for some people, as long as you can stay in the house without fighting and can be more than pleasant.

L3: Oh, I know my big mouth. I'd say something to the parents but not in a way to start a fight. I'd frame it in a way to learn the cultural difference and then as a warning about predators "nowadays".

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#16
Jun 24, 2013
 
http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/21/opinion/laslock...

See? Even MSM CNN says monogamy is unnatural , so it must be so.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#17
Jun 24, 2013
 
1- So if someone invites you for dinner, you're obliged to reciprocate?

2- Was Abby blaming the husband for the wife's infidelity?

3- Is cycle your neighbor?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#19
Jun 24, 2013
 
Lost ermine wrote:
<quoted text>
Maybe you have bad breath
That would certainly explain L1 and L2 but how are naked children caused by bad breath?

Since: Jan 10

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#20
Jun 24, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
1- So if someone invites you for dinner, you're obliged to reciprocate?
According to etiquette, yes.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#21
Jun 24, 2013
 

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PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
That would certainly explain L1 and L2 but how are naked children caused by bad breath?
Parents have severe halitosis. Everything in the house smells. Kids flee the house and their clothes to get away with it.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

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#22
Jun 24, 2013
 

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RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
According to etiquette, yes.
That's another one of those things where I'd feel kind of pitiful if I kept score to that degree.

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