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1 - 18 of 18 Comments Last updated Aug 21, 2013

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

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#1
Aug 20, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: I recently declined a wedding invitation because my spouse and I will be out of town on the date of the wedding. A few days after I sent the RSVP, I got an email from the groom saying he had "suspicions" that I wasn't attending because I was bitter about not being in the wedding party.

I was shocked by the email. Not only do I not care about who is in the wedding party, I don't think we're such close friends that we should have been invited in the first place. I think it's appalling that he would accuse someone who declined an invitation of having ulterior motives for not going.

I emailed him back, explaining that we will be out of town and how upset and disappointed I am that he would think something like that. Wasn't what he did a breach of etiquette?-- APPALLED IN NEW YORK

DEAR APPALLED: Yes, it was. Your inability to attend the wedding appears to have brought to the surface the groom's insecurity about his social relationships. I don't blame you for being appalled. The man's behavior was inappropriate.

DEAR ABBY: My sister is 63, divorced, educated, intelligent, self-employed and receives monthly support from her ex-husband. The problem is she takes no responsibility for her health. She's extremely overweight because she overeats and doesn't exercise. She complains every day that she feels "terrible." (I call it self-pitying whining.)

Our other siblings think it is too late to confront her about it. I want to address the issue now, before she gains even more, or has a stroke or heart attack and, quite frankly, won't be able to care for herself. I don't want to see the responsibility fall on her three kids or us siblings. It's not fair. She's just too lazy to make necessary changes and constantly whines! Your thoughts?-- SIBLING STANDING BY
DEAR SIBLING: The problem with "confronting" someone is that it usually makes the person being confronted defensive. In a case like this I don't recommend it. However, a family intervention might work. If the family members were to get together and, as a group, talk to your sister about your concern for her health, it might be the wake-up call she needs.

No mention of "whining" should be made, but suggest that she might have a touch of depression that could be helped if she brings it to the attention of her doctor. Tell her you all love her, that you're worried about her, and are willing to help her schedule an appointment with her physician if she's willing. I think that would be a loving thing to do.

DEAR ABBY: When my wife and I go to a busy restaurant or a concert where we can pick up last-minute tickets, I often ask her to hop out of the car to find out if the wait times are reasonable or tickets are available while I wait in the car. I do this so I won't have to find a parking space until we're sure we will be staying.

My wife says my doing this is tacky. I believe it is efficient. What are your thoughts, recognizing that I usually come up with the short straw on matters of manners? Thanks!-- JOHN K. IN WINDSOR, CONN.

DEAR JOHN K.: Your request makes perfect sense to me. Parking spaces are sometimes hard to find and valet parking isn't cheap. However, because your wife resents doing this, either she should be the one to drive so you can "hop out," or tickets and reservations should be made in advance either online or on the phone.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#2
Aug 20, 2013
 

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LW2: And an intervention (being ganged up on by family members) won't make her defensive???

LW3: It's not tacky if he drops you off and circles around the lot and comes back to get you. It's tacky and rude if you hop out and then he idles there blocking other cars while waiting for your return.

Have you ever thought of having your wife call from her cell while you are on the way?

Since: Jan 10

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#3
Aug 20, 2013
 

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L1: Wow. NOrmally I would send a gift when I can't attend but not this time. I'd also figure out a way to let his bride know what he just did so she can verbally give him a smackdown.

L2: I think you're a ginormous a hole.

L3: Let your wife drive and YOU can go check on things.

Since: Aug 08

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#4
Aug 20, 2013
 
LW1: Guy is a dork.

LW2: Iím pretty sure by 63, that ship has sailed. Even at a younger age, the motivation to change canít be imposed from the outside.

LW3: Sometimes, if not often times, as a husband, you just defer to your wife to make her happy. If she doesnít want to get out while you sit on your a$s, you just park and go with her.

My dad would always drop my mom and us kids off at the door to restaurants and then he would park Ö my wife likes to walk in as a family. So, we always walk in as a family.

Not a BFD, either way.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#5
Aug 20, 2013
 
1 team Red, send the bride the email.

2 team Stina.

3 Is the issue him not parking or is the issue that she is the foot soldier?
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

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#6
Aug 20, 2013
 
LW1 probably will get a touchy response if he tries to mend the fence with that groom--and may as well eave him alone, unless he can see him in a informal place, like a cafeteria and stick to a
benign, "Are you sore at me?' inquiry.

LW2 is unkind to her sister.

I like Red's idea for LW3.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#7
Aug 20, 2013
 

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LW1: I was surprised when I read that this was a man writing about another man. Groom is a wuss.

LW2: "Tell her you all love her, that you're worried about her, and are willing to help her schedule an appointment with her physician if she's willing. I think that would be a loving thing to do."

You don't think they've tried this approach already? They can lovingly try again, but I think they're going to have to realize that their family member has chosen slow suicide over them.

LW3: I think she just doesn't like getting out of the car.

Since: Jan 10

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#8
Aug 20, 2013
 

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L2: I don't think LW2 is so concerned with his sister as he is with his own life and not wanting to assist her as she ages and needs more help.

But if sister is as fat and unhealthy as LW claims, she will be dead by 70. You don't see many obese people over age 65.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#9
Aug 20, 2013
 
L1 Groomzilla?
L2 63 is not too late to change but the sister has no incentive to do so. She gets attention albeit negative for her condition and when she gets sicker she will get more attention and will complain more. Its called secondary gain and passive aggression. Separate and apart from the weight it goes a long way to explain why she is divorced.
L3 1st world problems. Put the 4 way flashers on , leave her in the car and go in yourself.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Tacoma, WA

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#10
Aug 20, 2013
 
1:/facepalm

2: Don't see a lot you can do.

3: If this is what happens every single time, then yeah I'd get tired of it too. What's wrong with you know, checking stuff ahead of time?
Julie

Chicago, IL

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#11
Aug 20, 2013
 
LW2: Wow--you don't even try to hide your massive contempt for your sister. You don't give a rat's @$$ about her health, you just don't want to be responsible.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#12
Aug 20, 2013
 

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squishymama wrote:
LW1: I was surprised when I read that this was a man writing about another man. Groom is a wuss.
where did you see lw was a man?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#13
Aug 20, 2013
 

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RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L2: I don't think LW2 is so concerned with his sister as he is with his own life and not wanting to assist her as she ages and needs more help.
same question i asked squishy on lw1. Where do you see lw is a man?

Both seem like females to me.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#14
Aug 20, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>where did you see lw was a man?
I assumed the LW was a man because a groom does not usually ask a female to be in his wedding party. <mimishrug> I know it happens but it seems pretty rare.

Since: Jan 10

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#15
Aug 20, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>same question i asked squishy on lw1. Where do you see lw is a man?
Both seem like females to me.
I didn't notice any gender. It's just easier to go with "he" or "she" instead of "he or she."

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

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#16
Aug 20, 2013
 

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L2. Yeah. You know being overweight is not a good thing. As a general rule, thin people live longer, more active lives.
I'm telling you right now, when big people get sick the medical staff don't want to pick them up and move them around for their tests.
They do that enough already and they are tired of it. Their backs ache.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

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#17
Aug 20, 2013
 

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I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but you know, 100 lbs. over ideal body weight is considered morbidly obese. There's a lot of people who are morbidly obese.
All kinds of tests can be compromised because of an excess of adipose tissue.
So you know, they may have a deteriorating condition, let's say kidney failure due to poor circulation due to CHF due to being overweight. And then their test results can be less than diagnostic sometimes.

Sometimes in X-Ray, and they're not supposed to do this but, sometimes they will crank their machines way up and make a double exposure to get an image that otherwise is not possible to obtain.
Like I said, they're technically not allowed to do it because of the radiation dose, but you know, sometimes things happen.

Since: Jan 10

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#19
Aug 21, 2013
 

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loose cannon wrote:
I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but you know, 100 lbs. over ideal body weight is considered morbidly obese. There's a lot of people who are morbidly obese.
All kinds of tests can be compromised because of an excess of adipose tissue.
So you know, they may have a deteriorating condition, let's say kidney failure due to poor circulation due to CHF due to being overweight. And then their test results can be less than diagnostic sometimes.
Sometimes in X-Ray, and they're not supposed to do this but, sometimes they will crank their machines way up and make a double exposure to get an image that otherwise is not possible to obtain.
Like I said, they're technically not allowed to do it because of the radiation dose, but you know, sometimes things happen.
well... and do you want answers (what's wrong with this person?) or not? To me, that's part of the price for not taking care of yourself. AT that point, what's a little excess radiation?(I'm serious.)

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