“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Feb 12, 2014
DEAR AMY: My sister's daughter is getting married, and the number of attendees is limited.

As a result, my sister is hosting a bridal shower before the wedding only for those who are not invited to the wedding. This seems rather unusual and gives the appearance of looking for gifts.

I can only imagine that all conversations will have to avoid talk of the upcoming wedding ceremony, as none of these people is invited.

As a male, I am not up on what is proper. Is this acceptable in today's times, or what would you suggest for future situations like this?-- Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: Being a male doesn't make a difference in terms of your knowledge of what is appropriate. Thinking about something from someone else's point of view is all the etiquette knowledge you need.

Common sense tells you that this shower is going to look like a gift grab because it is. The purpose of a shower is to "shower" the couple with gifts. The guests should be people who are also invited to the wedding. Otherwise, as you note, there is a massive elephant dressed in tulle dancing in the middle of the room (the wedding, to which none has been invited).

Sometimes co-workers or out-of-town friends not invited to the wedding will throw a shower for a couple, but the difference is that it is their generous idea for an event, which they host.

Your sister is missing the point in another way: Direct family members should not host showers (normally a member of the bridal party will host) because the event is too directly tied to their own self-interest.

DEAR AMY: When hosting my large extended family for a family feast, my niece's husband held out his child's soiled diaper to me and said, "Here's a present for you."

I found this gross and disgusting, to say the least.

Biting my tongue to keep from making a smart remark, I found a plastic bag for the diaper and put it in the trash.

Do you have any suggestions for me should this happen again (and there's a good chance it will since another baby will soon join their family and I'm the frequent host for holiday occasions)?-- Grossed Out

DEAR GROSSED: Let rehearse this scene in advance of your next family gathering.

Him:(Holding out diaper) "Here's a present for you."

You:(Tossing him a plastic bag and turning toward group) "Dessert!"

What I'm trying to convey is that his behavior in that moment was pretty obnoxious. But just because he draws attention to himself in this way doesn't mean that you have to go there.

DEAR AMY: I read with interest the letter from "Parents in the New World," who were worried about their 14-year-old, who was in an online relationship.

Can I share some advice from the opposite side of the coin?

When I was around that age I, too, was shy and introverted and ended up "involved" with a guy I met through an early online role-playing game.

The game hosted folks from all over. This fellow player and I hit it off. Eventually we began to IM each other as well.

I was on the East Coast, and he was somewhere in the Midwest. Sure, we chatted about meeting, but it was in terms of someday.

Then, as quickly as it started, the relationship faded. I don't know about his motivation, but I just outgrew it. I wanted something in real life, not just a connection over the Internet.

So "Parents," I agree with Amy's advice, but I'd also encourage you to not stress over it too much. Right now, sure, she sees this guy as she'd see any guy in real life (he's the one for her, her emotional rock, etc.), but given time, just like any relationship, it will strengthen or die on its own.-- Been There, Done That

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thank you for offering your example. You don't say how your parents reacted to your online relationship, but I do believe it is vital for parents to encourage openness, rather than forbid contact they cannot necessarily control.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Feb 12, 2014
1- Did Amy give any advice or just rant?

2- Good lord, he made a joke. Let's write Amy

3- Yeah, then there are those stalked and murdered by their online fling

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#3 Feb 12, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
2- Good lord, he made a joke. Let's write Amy
No sh!+.
Or maybe there was.
Either way, lighten up. It was his way of asking for help in disposing it. Like Amby said, you could have just given him the bag and told him to put it in the trash can in the garage

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#4 Feb 12, 2014
1 Girl stuff from a guy, why would anyone care?

2 Why would you take it? Just tell him to put it in the trash can outside.

3 yay for you.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Feb 12, 2014
L1: Okay.

L2: I'm with edog and Tonka. The LW has a stick up her butt. Yes it was a stupid joke. Gloss over it and on to the next thing.

L3: That's why you should start talking to your kids about stuff early. You've got to keep the lines of communication open.
Blunt Advice

Suffern, NY

#6 Feb 12, 2014
1. Give bride a book on etiquette. She needs one since she got no training from her mother.
2. Lighten up. Save plastic shopping bags for next family party.
3. Be aware of who your teens communicate with, but also make sure they know they can always come to you with any questions or problems any time.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#7 Feb 12, 2014
Hey! Where's edog's incendiary, clueless and disagree? Just me and Tonka?

:D
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#8 Feb 21, 2014
Toj wrote:
Hey! Where's edog's incendiary, clueless and disagree? Just me and Tonka?
:D
Another round of "Glance at the Future":

In the next five years, the father LW2 described:

(a) alienated so many of their friends, his wife and child left him, too.
(b) got beat up by one of the neighbors
(c) got fired by his boss
(d) got rejected by the saniatiation department when he applied as a garbage man
or
(e) other

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#9 Feb 21, 2014
boundary painter wrote:
<quoted text>
Another round of "Glance at the Future":
In the next five years, the father LW2 described:
(a) alienated so many of their friends, his wife and child left him, too.
(b) got beat up by one of the neighbors
(c) got fired by his boss
(d) got rejected by the saniatiation department when he applied as a garbage man
or
(e) other
(e) Other -- He ended up having 9 kids. He never did find out how to throw a diaper away nor anything else and was on a episode of Hoarders. The Department of Health condemned his house. He did get fire by his boss and then rejected by the sanitation department. With no home nor job, his wife, friends and children all left him. The former neighbor laughed at him (rude as that is) and then they got into an altercation. This dude lost the fight big time so much so that he is now in a hospital bed hooked up to machine in Florida. The State will not disconnect the life support so he will continue to be there until the end of time or until the next Hurricane when the electricity gets cut-off.

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