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1 - 14 of 14 Comments Last updated Nov 19, 2013

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

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#1
Nov 16, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: I am a 27-year-old female. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 31 / 2 years. I know I made the right decision. We are still friends.

I have been single for a while now and enjoy going out with friends or on my own, but lately there are times when I feel completely out of the loop when it comes to dating. I feel like dating has changed so much, even since I was last single!
I have a question: Do girls give their number without being asked for it? I have had multiple guys come up to me and strike up a conversation; we have nice banter — then nothing. Before I started dating my ex, I had a rule that if a guy really wanted to see me he would ask for my number. I thought this would help weed out the bad ones and those not really interested.

Many of my male friends say they won’t ask for a girl’s number, even if they’re really interested. They say she’ll give it to them, and if she doesn’t, there will always be another girl next weekend. These guys are in their 30s and are “catches”— and also nice people.

What do you think?-- Newly Single

DEAR SINGLE: This issue might have started with security sensitivities back when cellphones were not quite so ubiquitous. The idea is that asking a woman for her number is something of an encroachment and that if she is interested, she will take the initiative and offer it. These guys are just plain lazy (because they can be).

You get to do what you want to do and what feels right to you. You might try to offer your number to a guy and see what that feels like, but if you had “rules” four years ago, these same guidelines might be good for you now. There are myriad ways to connect with people (aside from cellphones), so any guy interested in you could easily find you on social media.

One observation is that as long as you (at age 27) consider yourself and others your age to be “girls,” you will attract “bros” to you (this whole “there will always be another girl next weekend” philosophy is part of the problem). If you want to date a man, it might help if you started to think of yourself (and refer to yourself) as a woman.

DEAR AMY: We host an extended family meal semiannually. Some family members have attended the event but have eaten almost nothing. The explanation they gave was that they were hungry and ate at a restaurant before arriving.

This has occurred several times over the last couple of years. What do you think of this behavior? What should we do (if anything), and what should we say (if anything)?

We enjoy getting the family together but find this behavior hurtful.-- Hosts

DEAR HOSTS: The most obvious remedy is to ask these family members if there is something about the meal you’re serving that they can’t (or don’t care to) eat. They may have food sensitivities, preferences or allergies affecting their ability to partake.

Another way to encourage participation is to ask them to contribute something they enjoy eating to the meal. Sharing their favorite dish might inspire them to participate.

DEAR AMY: I’m responding to “Hates Manipulation,” who was caring for an older husband, and his kids were planning to put both of them in assisted living. She should have been told to find an elder care attorney as soon as possible.

My husband is now in assisted living, and I have a small home. Yes, I spent some of the kids’ inheritance on my house, but 20 years of caring for a man who became difficult about 10 years ago (and freeing them from that responsibility) should be worth a lot to them.

They have no idea what caregiving is all about.-- The Voice of Experience

DEAR VOICE: I recommended that “Hates Manipulation” should thoroughly research all of her options; I agree with you that she should definitely consult an attorney.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#2
Nov 16, 2013
 

Judged:

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L1 Sounds stuffy but I agree with Amy. the way you think of yourself governs the way you behave and the way others treat you

L2. They have allergies
They don't like your cooking
Your kitchen is on eh CDC watch list

L3. Yeah

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#3
Nov 16, 2013
 

Judged:

1

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1- Men aren't mind readers. If you're interested in one, you should let them know in unsubtle terms. Not all men pick up being hit on. And some don't have the assertiveness to walk up to a complete stranger and ask for their phone number. IMO, dating hasn't really changed that much.

2- I think the most obvious reason is they don't like your cooking. Cater next time

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#4
Nov 16, 2013
 

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1 Oh, the drama! I can see somone asking about dating changes after 40 yrs but 4? GTFU you clueless idiot.

2 your cooking sux. No matter what Tonka says, beef is not to be cooked bloodless and brown.

3 Whatever, just take me out to the country and leave me on the side of the road. I will learn to live off the land.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

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#5
Nov 16, 2013
 
LW1 - I can't shake the feeling that at least to a degree this letter is fake. First of all, when you "just" broke up with your boyfriend, you haven't been "single for a while." You've just become single. Second, dating has not changed much in 3.5 or 4 years. It really hasn't. It was as okay for a woman to give the guy her number in 2009 as it is in 2013. It may be that you were hanging out in different social circles when you were 23, but unless you were in some awfully conservative community, women did the same things they pretty much do now, including asking the guys out first, giving their numbers to the guys without being asked, and (oh, the horror!) even hooking up. Now, things may have changed since the 1950s, and even since the early 90s because of the spread of the Internet, but they certainly haven't changed drastically in 4 years.

Oh, and I don't know any 27-year-old woman who refers to her age group as "girls" outside joking. I do know some 60-and-older women, though, who do this. I wonder if you are really a mom or even grandma writing on behalf of her (grand)daughter and comparing the mores of her dating time with the mores of today.

LW2 - What PEllen said.

LW3 - It's kind of sad when an older person does not recognize the need to move to assisted living. Assisted living does not equal a nursing home. Many facilities have a range of options, from totally independent living minus the cleaning and landscaping duties plus easy access to medical help if needed, to near-nursing-home support.

I live in an area lousy with retirement communities. I sometimes envy those spritely 75-80-90 year olds! They have their little houses or apartments; somebody else cleans these houses/apartments on a regular basis. A landscaping crew is working every day, keeping the grounds lovely and neat. The oldsters themselves can go and have lunch and dinner at the dining halls, and the cooking at least at one place is quite nice. I know because one of their "cafes" is open to the public for a moderate price a couple of days a week, and we've gone a time or two. Those residents who have all their mental faculties with them live in units with full kitchens, so they can cook for themselves if they want to. They are free to come and go as they please. If they are too old to drive, they have a shuttle that will take them pretty much anywhere in the city and a couple of neighboring ones. When I go to the mall in the neighboring city, I often see folks from the local retirement facilities. Some are, actually, on the mental decline, so they have plastic name tags and the name of the facility they live in pinned to their clothes, so somebody can help them get home, should they get disoriented. I just don't see what's not to like. I'd move in if I could.:-)

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Puyallup, WA

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#6
Nov 16, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
.
2 your cooking sux. No matter what Tonka says, beef is not to be cooked bloodless and brown.
.
Not brown…pink, but no blood<gag>. Remember if you want me to eat your meat when I'm in FL it needs to be appetizing.

:D

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Puyallup, WA

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#7
Nov 16, 2013
 
Cass wrote:
Oh, and I don't know any 27-year-old woman who refers to her age group as "girls" outside joking. I do know some 60-and-older women, though, who do this. I wonder if you are really a mom or even grandma writing on behalf of her (grand)daughter and comparing the mores of her dating time with the mores of today.
I think you might be on to something with this.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#8
Nov 16, 2013
 
L1: It could be what Cass says. I'm wondering where she meets these multiple guys who are coming up to her. I'm thinking bar. That might have something to do with it.

L2: Can't improve on EPellen's response.

L3: My aunts and uncles who went voluntarily in assisted living absolutely love it. They say it really freed up their lifestyle to now to what they want.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#9
Nov 16, 2013
 
LW1: So if men have "rules" they are being lay. But the female's rules, albeit 4 year old rules, are just fine. Typical amby double standard.

"this whole “there will always be another girl next weekend” philosophy is part of the problem)."
No, stupid. Its reality. I'm guessing the guy that said that goes out to the bars/clubs every weekend. For him, there WILL be another girl every weekend.

lw2: I find it odd that anyone is keeping a ledger of what their guests eat/drink. Perhaps your cooking sucks and they are just being polite. Leave them the F alone.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#10
Nov 16, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
2 your cooking sux. No matter what Tonka says, beef is not to be cooked bloodless and brown.
Perhaps the problem IS that the steak is not brown and bloodless. I will literally have a gag reflex and hurl if I try to eat bloody meat. You don't want that at your dinner party.

Of course if it were me, I'd have no problem requesting mine get tossed back on the frill longer.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#11
Nov 18, 2013
 
I will garnish my meat is such a fashion that you would consider a gag to be wasteful of it.
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
Not brown…pink, but no blood<gag>. Remember if you want me to eat your meat when I'm in FL it needs to be appetizing.
:D

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#12
Nov 18, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
I will garnish my meat is such a fashion that you would consider a gag to be wasteful of it.
<quoted text>
LOL - I read this thinking you were answeringTonka about HIS gag reflex!!!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#13
Nov 18, 2013
 
Ewwww!
You know I dont swing that way!
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
LOL - I read this thinking you were answeringTonka about HIS gag reflex!!!

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#14
Nov 19, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
Ewwww!
You know I dont swing that way!
<quoted text>
I *THOUGHT* I knew!!!

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