Annie 10/01/10

Posted in the Chicago Forum

Comments

Showing posts 1 - 9 of9

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#1
Oct 1, 2010
 
Dear Annie: What do you do when you have been with someone for almost 40 years and he keeps becoming infatuated with other women?

A few years ago, my husband became interested in a woman young enough to be his daughter. He called her at all hours, and the e-mails were never-ending. He'd sneak out to meet her and lie about where he had been. He even kissed her every time they met, although he claimed he was too old to do anything more. I think this woman actually loved him. When he ended it, I thought he was finally maturing.

He is now infatuated with someone else. This time it's text messaging, phone calls and e-mails, and attending functions where she is present. Sometimes he even takes me with him. And the kissing continues. She encourages him. When confronted, he claims it's all in my head and nothing is going on.

I am ready to explode. I am not leaving, but he certainly is welcome to. My life with him has been no bed of roses, but I thought when he got older things would improve. But instead of physical and verbal abuse, I now have to put up with emotional abuse. He sees nothing wrong with this. Don't bother recommending counseling. I'm not interested. I would simply like him to leave so I can have some peace in my older years.ó Needed To Vent

Dear Vent: So ask him to leave. Or get your own apartment. Or file for a legal separation or divorce. You have several options to gain your "peace," and we recommend you take one. There's no reason to continue putting up with this.

Dear Annie: My grown son lives several hours away, but we keep in contact through phone, e-mail and text. When I spoke with my father yesterday, I discovered he had generously signed over one of his vehicles to my son. This transaction took place more than a week ago, and yet my son made no mention of it.

I knew he must have been very excited and sent him an e-mail saying I had just heard the good news, although I was hurt that he hadn't said anything.


His response absolutely floored me. He said he didn't understand why my feelings were hurt, since the transaction was between his grandfather and him and didn't concern me.

I am beside myself. Am I being unrealistic, or was this an extremely rude response?ó California

Dear California: Sorry, Mom. Your son is a grown man. He is entitled to acquire a car from Grandpa or anyone else without telling you about it. It doesn't mean he isn't close to you. But the sooner you can respect his independence and privacy the less likely your feelings are to be hurt.

Dear Annie: I disagree with your advice to "Parentless Parent," whose mother is toxic. You said she might want to send a photograph once a year.

I have cut off my parents, especially my mother, for very good reasons. Sometimes you just need to let them go. My mother has tried to undermine my relationship with my husband since the day we met. She says hurtful things that are disguised as "helpful" comments. I told my mother I wouldn't stand for it and she needed to stop. But she kept going and now has no contact with my son.

For parents who are like mine, keeping up contact once a year with a photo opens the door for them to try to push their way back in. My marriage has been much better since I cut off my parents. It may hurt to do so, but it is sometimes best for the sake of your family.ó Sad but Happy in the Midwest

Dear Midwest: Everyone learns to cope with difficult parents in their own way. Some children manage it better than others, and some parents can be too hard to handle altogether. It is sad that your mother is so toxic that it is impossible to have any contact whatsoever.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#2
Oct 1, 2010
 
L1:So you are writing to an advice column, are ruling out counseling, and really are not opened to any advice pertaining to you, but just want your husband to leave. Not leaving the advice columnist much room here. Are you hoping to get teh number of s hit man?

And annie? She said she's not leaving, so why are you suggesting she get an apartment?

L2: "He said he didn't understand why my feelings were hurt, since the transaction was between his grandfather and him and didn't concern me."
It was and it didn't. What's the problem? Are you expecting a full report of all the activites in his life every week? Cut the apron strings.

“Joy is the shadow cast by pain”

Since: Dec 08

Twin Cities, MN

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#3
Oct 1, 2010
 

Judged:

2

L1: Either make a change or stop complaining.

L2: You're HURT by this. You are one hypersensitive parent. No wonder your son lives far away from you.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#4
Oct 1, 2010
 
LW1: You can thank Viagra!

There is nothing stopping you from filing for divorce lady. Quit making excuses.

LW2: Iím thinking there is a lot more going on than this lady has shared. There is a reason why he didnít wanna share this with his mother.

LW3: Uh, Annie, I donít think the LW said it is impossible to have any contact with her mother. It just sounds like the negatives outweigh the positives of maintaining contact and she has decided that she doesnít wanna have contact. Even when it comes to family I see nothing wrong with cutting net negative folks out of your life.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#5
Oct 1, 2010
 
Sublime1 wrote:
LW2: Iím thinking there is a lot more going on than this lady has shared. There is a reason why he didnít wanna share this with his mother.
Why do you think that? Do you think that unless there are some extenuating circumstances, one should be reporting back to mom on all interaction you have with other relatives? Is it magnitude of the transaction that makes it more pressing to share with mom? like maybe if grandpa gave him an old vcr it wouldn't be such a big deal?

I just don't see anything in this letter other than a clingy mother.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#6
Oct 1, 2010
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
Why do you think that? Do you think that unless there are some extenuating circumstances, one should be reporting back to mom on all interaction you have with other relatives? Is it magnitude of the transaction that makes it more pressing to share with mom? like maybe if grandpa gave him an old vcr it wouldn't be such a big deal?
I just don't see anything in this letter other than a clingy mother.
You are over analyzing it.

Just as the subject came up when she spoke with her father, I would think it is something that would come up in conversation between the two of them unless for some reason he did not want to share this with her.

I think when you mention a clingy mother, this and other things not mentioned may be the reason he did not wish to share this information with her.

Since: Jun 09

Madison, WI

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#7
Oct 1, 2010
 
First, it does seem kinda weird that the son wouldn't mention that he got a "new" car from grandpa, but it seems REALLY weird that mom is bent out of shape about not being told about it. I mean it's only been a week or so, and it may have just not come up. If it was months or something, I'd probably wonder if there was more to the story.

Anyway, I think the LW needs to lighten up and let her son live his life. It's OK to feel hurt, but she really needs to learn how to cope with her son leaving the nest.

“Snow days!”

Since: Nov 08

A winter wonderland

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#8
Oct 1, 2010
 
L1- Sometimes he even takes me with him. >>

Does he put a gun to your head & force you into the car? You've put up with his crap for 40 years. Why should he change? He knows you're not going anywhere.

L2- Tonka said Mom should cut the apron strings. I think she needs to unwind them from around his neck. I thinking along the lines of his not telling her because she'd get bent out of shape since he didn't discuss it with her first. Yes, clingy, definitely.

L3- There's a part of me that wishes more people would remove toxic people from their lives, rather than just complain about them.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#9
Oct 4, 2013
 
1: This woman is married to her house/apartment. That's why she wants hubby to leave. I bet she has the place just as she likes it. Or she's a hoarder and can't leave her stuff. I know a woman whose husband and family took years to help her move to a smaller and more manageable house because she didn't want anyone to touch her stuff and she didn't want to leave any of it behind. I bet this woman has a similar problem. She won't mind getting rid of hubby but her home and stuff are hers and she won't let go.

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

Showing posts 1 - 9 of9
Type in your comments below
Name
(appears on your post)
Comments
Characters left: 4000
Type the numbers you see in the image on the right:

Please note by clicking on "Post Comment" you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

97 Users are viewing the Chicago Forum right now

Search the Chicago Forum:
Topic Updated Last By Comments
Messianic Jews say they are persecuted in Israel (Jun '08) 4 min Frijoles 68,114
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 4 min Gabriel 1,071,280
Amy 7-10 7 min PEllen 1
Abby 7-10 11 min PEllen 2
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 30 min Jacques from Ottawa 173,526
Israeli troops begin Gaza pullout as Hamas decl... (Jan '09) 32 min TRD 67,522
Chicago Democrats a Protected Species on the Na... 43 min bensley reality 1
•••
•••
•••

Chicago Jobs

•••
Enter and win $5000
•••
•••

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••