Amy 12-28-12

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#1 Dec 28, 2012
DEAR AMY: At what age do you think children can be unsupervised in their grandparents’ home?

My son is almost 4. My four nieces and nephews are between 4 and 7 years old. My husband helps me keep an eye on our son, but we are met with some disdain for this, as if we are neurotic, helicoptering parents. Somehow the 7-year-old is expected to supervise the other four kids. I find this notion a little bit crazy. My mother-in-law has menageries of breakable things literally everywhere in her home.

I can almost see letting the two older children hang out on their own for a while, watching a movie or playing quietly, but the three preschoolers roam free too. I assume that since the other parents don’t watch their kids that they will be fine if one gets hurt or breaks something or starts an inappropriate game of “doctor.” I think the adult brothers feel comfortable there because they grew up in the house, but I still think it’s not safe or appropriate. My father-in-law has told me the kids are fine on their own.

I wouldn’t hire a 7-year-old baby sitter, so why should I expect my niece to watch all these kids? So far we shrug off the comments and eye rolls from the grandparents and other parents. Are we being overly protective or neurotic?-- Frustrated

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I don’t think it’s necessary for an adult to minutely supervise and direct a child’s play in a family home, but I do think it’s absolutely necessary for an adult to be close by and paying attention. Sometimes when there is a family gathering all of the parents “check out” and the kids run amok and create a danger to themselves or someone else. The best situation would be for one or two adults to be in the area with the children (this way the adults can visit with each other) and then to trade off with other parents.

No two family members are alike when it comes to how “careful” they are about their children; my own family comprises the entire spectrum, from “Honey, you’re 4 now; you can raise yourself,” to “You’ll put your eye out!” The less careful might be too neglectful; the more careful might be overreaching. Let your child have some freedom at this family home but definitely “guard the perimeter.”

DEAR AMY: I am a bisexual man. I love both men and women. I work with a really handsome guy. I have some feelings for him. I am taking him out to dinner tonight.

My question is, how do I express my true feelings for him without either of us getting hurt? He is married and has two kids. I am assuming his sexual orientation is straight, but I have been involved with other men in the past who were also married and had families.-- Bisexual Buddy

DEAR BUDDY: You should not interfere with someone else’s marriage, regardless of your (or his) sexual orientation. According to you, however, this is basically how you roll, and it is extremely regrettable.

The very least of the worst things that could happen here is that you are putting yourself in a very vulnerable professional position. The worst of the worst things that can happen would be for you to contract or spread an STD to your married partners who see you on the down low, who would then pass it to their wives.

So I’m going to take a pass on advising you about how to express your true feelings. Find a sexual partner who isn’t married.

DEAR AMY: Your answer to “Kissed Consultant” was way off the mark. This consultant was kissed by a client, and you want her to notify the board of directors? What if he misread her signals, or what if he is from another culture and didn’t know any better?-- Appalled

DEAR APPALLED: This man should already know better than to pull a business associate close and kiss her full on the lips after their first meeting. One way to educate him would be for the board of directors to let him know what is and is not acceptable professional conduct.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Dec 28, 2012
L1: If the adults are elsewhere in the house, ohmyfreakinggod you need to CHILL. You sound like a crazy hovercraft of a parent.(I do NOT think a 7yo should be watching ANY kids when no adults are around.)

Amy is so wrong. The adults can be upstairs or in a room at the other end of the house. This parent needs therapy to relax or she's going to drive her kid nuts.

L2: ARGH! No one cares that you're bi. We care that you want to cheat with a married person. DON'T BE THAT FREAKING SCUMBAG, YOU IDIOT. Cancel the dinner. Find a life.

L3: In another forum, someone who was or is on a board of an organization: "As a board member,*I* would want to be told about this." That was good enough for me.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#3 Dec 28, 2012
L1: I have no idea, I don't know anything about kids. Except that I agree that it's not fair or smart to expect the 7-year-old to watch other kids.

L2: What Angela said. I feel like this guy mentioned that he's bi in order to play a sympathy card. Sorry bucko, doesn't apply. A homewrecker is still a homewrecker.
RACE

Miami, FL

#4 Dec 28, 2012
1 inappropriate game of doctor....
That says it all right there. Who molested you?

2 yay your bi! shout if from the rooftops, make sure everyone knows where you like to put your dingle! What most peeps will know about you though is that your a home wrecker.

3 Thats right! We dont know if she was asking for it or not!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Dec 28, 2012
LW1: Hah! This has striking similarities to MY mother's house. We don't have anyone giving us shit about watching our kids like a hawk over there, but we have to because her house is so full of junk, I mean treasured knick knacks, that I guarantee stuff will get broken if we don't keep a close watch. Ever room you go into has breakable stuff easily reached by kids. Easily bumped into by kids. Easily knocked over by kids.

Hell, it was last year that my cousin's fiancee's kids kept going into the living room(where I told them over and over not to play) and broke one of my mom's tchotchkes. Next thing I knew, she dragged her kid into the hallway for a beatin.

My house is not kid proofed, but I simply don't have breakable stuff all over the place.

To the LW, if the grandparents arethe ones giving you crap, tell them you'd be more than happy to let the kids run free as long as they don't expect you to pay for the damages when something gets broken.

LW2: "My question is, how do I express my true feelings for him without either of us getting hurt? He is married and has two kids."

Gay, straight, or bi, you are an asshole. He's married with kids. Keep your true feelings to your damn self.

"I am assuming his sexual orientation is straight, but I have been involved with other men in the past who were also married and had families."
And you think that makes it ok? You're scum. You'd be scum if you were a female too.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Dec 28, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: If the adults are elsewhere in the house, ohmyfreakinggod you need to CHILL. You sound like a crazy hovercraft of a parent.(I do NOT think a 7yo should be watching ANY kids when no adults are around.)
Amy is so wrong. The adults can be upstairs or in a room at the other end of the house. This parent needs therapy to relax or she's going to drive her kid nuts.
I disagree simply because of her description of all the breakable crap. Take that out of the equation, and I agree with you. But I think the LW would agree with you then too.

At my house, the kids are free to roam. Same with other friends homes where there's notheing to break.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#7 Dec 28, 2012
LW1: If the owners of the house say lighten up, then I think you should. If something gets broken, that's on them.

So kick back, have a beer or a glass of wine, and chat with your family. Check on the kids every 20 minutes or so.

LW2: Thanks for the definition of bisexual; we didn't know that. <eyeroll>

LW3: "..., or what if he is from another culture and didn’t know any better?"

Even more reason to talk to the board; that is not how we do things and this person need to know that.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#8 Dec 28, 2012
L1: I'm with Tonka. It's the breakable crap that changes things here.

L2: This is so obnoxious I'm wondering if it's a real letter.

L3: Go kiss someone today in your company. See how that works out for you.
pde

Gilberts, IL

#9 Dec 28, 2012
Lw1: is the breakable stuff important stuff, or a houseful of stuff that they have been given, feel obligated to display, and don't give a darn about?

I think my mom would be delighted if some of her knick-knacks broke.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Itasca, IL

#10 Dec 28, 2012
LW1 - we all keep an eye on teh boys when they;'re stayign with us. we close off 2 rooms we don't want them in, can see two otehrs from where we hang out, keep the bathroom door open (toddlers, gotta keep the potty easily accessable), adn know to jump & run wehn it's "too quiet"... all of us can yell loud enough to get them to stop and look at us. no injuries yet.

we probablyt have more problems with them trying to jump on the furniture when we're all hanging out in the family room...

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#12 Dec 28, 2012
OMG the censors challenged me on "taint." WTF?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#13 Dec 28, 2012
Mimi Seattle wrote:
OMG the censors challenged me on "taint." WTF?
post #11 ain't showing up. Must be yours. Hidden from the public
.
RACE

Hollywood, FL

#15 Dec 28, 2012
thank god! we dont need that filth tainting our forum
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>post #11 ain't showing up. Must be yours. Hidden from the public
.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#16 Dec 28, 2012
RACE wrote:
1 inappropriate game of doctor....
That says it all right there. Who molested you?
Bingo. What a shock (not) that Lamy didn't pick up on this.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#17 Dec 28, 2012
DEAR AMY: "I work with a really handsome guy...how do I express my true feelings for him without either of us getting hurt? He is married and has two kids. I am assuming his sexual orientation is straight, but I have been involved with other men in the past who were also married and had families."

You are a wannabe home-wrecking scum. And delusional. Go ahead and tell your colleague you want to do him. I hope he punches you in the nose.

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