Posted in the Chicago Forum
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#1 Oct 5, 2013
DEAR AMY: I was secretary to a club in the process of dissolving. One of our members, "Jessica," is a lawyer. After taking notes at one of our final meetings, I emailed the notes to the few members we have left. Jessica emailed the notes back to everyone, citing more legal ways to phrase them.
The dissolution of this group is one of several stressors in my life, and Jessica's criticism really hurt. I emailed everyone back, calling her "high and mighty" and suggested that, since she didn't like the way I wrote up the notes, to do it herself.
After giving myself a day to think, I emailed her and suggested that she send out a revised version of the notes. I also mentioned that I felt uncomfortable around her and that I had a feeling she doesn't like me and thinks I'm dumb. She responded, claiming I had said hateful things about her and that she didn't want anything to do with me.
I replied and apologized for calling her "high and mighty." Other than that, I can't think of anything I said that would be called hateful. Until a few days ago, I liked her. I wrote that if she will provide the legal letterhead she thinks is important, I will rewrite the notes according to her specifications.
Since I told her I wouldn't bother her anymore, until I hear from her (if I do), I'm going to leave her alone.
I know I said things I shouldn't. Now I am trying to make it right. Any suggestions?-- Licking My Wounds
DEAR LICKING: This has been a rapid-fire and nasty exchange, and you initiated the nastiness. At this point you've apologized and attempted to cover your bases. Now,(please, God) just stop.
DEAR AMY: My nephew was married on a Friday evening, and our family went to the wedding and reception. We gave them a card along with a check for their gift at the reception.
The check was cashed the following Monday, endorsed over to the reception hall. I feel this is very tactless. It appears to me that we were invited for the gift so that they could pay the reception bill. What is your opinion?-- Old-fashioned Aunt
DEAR AUNT: If you had given this couple a cappuccino-maker as a wedding gift, wouldn't you be pleased if they opened the box and used it quickly?
Monetary gifts to the couple seldom actually bring in enough to pay for the reception. Your gift might not have even covered the cost of your own meal. I assure you, inviting people to a reception in the hopes that they will pay for it is not a good business model.
I hope you had a good time at this wedding and reception. You were generous to help them pay for it, and I hope you will feel better after they thank you.
DEAR AMY: When "Unsure" wrote about an unwanted advance from a married male "friend," I had to laugh recalling my similar experience.
Many years ago, our "friend" asked me out while my husband was out of town. The wife and I were good friends.
I asked him, "Who should I get to watch my kids? Your wife?" That shut him right down. I told my husband about it a few days later and we agreed I'd handled it well. I never told the wife, and he never acted like a jerk with me again.-- My Own Woman
DEAR WOMAN: You handled this perfectly.
DEAR AMY: I'm responding to the letter from "Empty Nest," the woman who was sad when her child left for college. When my brother (20 years younger than I) left for college, the dean told a group of parents, "If you see the kids necking on campus, remember, it's the first time they've been alone in 20 years."
My mother said, "If you see my husband and me necking on campus, it's the first time we've been alone in 40 years." -- Admiring Son
DEAR SON: This is priceless. Thank you.
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#2 Oct 5, 2013
1- Yeah, sheesh, drop it.
2- Who the hell cares what they did with the money? When I give a gift, it's theirs. They can wear it on their head in a horse-race for all of me. Get over yourself.
3- Make it a foursome.
4- Your letter has absolutely nothing to do with the original LW.
“A Programmer is not in IT!”
Since: Feb 09
Neda, stay with me! Charlie
#3 Oct 5, 2013
1 Are you sure you did EVERYTHING possible? Is there not some other way you could come up with to patch this over? I think maybe a certified letter delivered to her office, or maybe you could subpoena her.
2 Ha! somebody fail to write down exactly how the money should be spent in the card, didn't they?
3 Dont care,
4 Dont care.
Since: Jun 09
#4 Oct 5, 2013
1. I think I have a pretty good idea why this club is breaking up. Hey LW, look in the mirror. Your stress is well earned.
2. When you give a gift, it is the recipient's decision what to do with it. You have permission to grouch about an untimely thank you note, nothing else.
Since: Dec 09
#5 Oct 5, 2013
LW1 - I don't have to think hard on why your club is disbanding. You are truly weird.
#6 Oct 5, 2013
LW1: Learn some lessons from this experience. Don't take things so personally. Don't fire off emails to multiple recipients when you are angry. If you have something to say to someone, say it directly to them in a non-confrontational way.(Psychologists advise using "I feel" statements, such as, "When you criticized the phrasing of my notes, I felt hurt and unappreciated.") Lastly, avoid labeling and name calling.
LW2: You gave them a check and your unhappy that they used it to pay for the reception hall? Huh? The reason that you gave them a check was so that they could spend the money in any way they wished, right? If you wanted to give them something more specific, you could have bought the airline tickets for their honeymoon.
LW3: What is this, the 5th rehash? I feel sorry for any woman whose husband is faithless enough and immoral enough to hit on her good friend. Nicely handled.
LW4: Love it!
#7 Oct 5, 2013
Lw1: I going to suspect there is a reason why she suggested "more legal" ways to phrase things. Lawyers usually don't provide their advice for free or without request. So, I suspect that she felt that revising these notes were pretty necessary for some reason or another. The fact you can't take criticism is your problem, not hers. Did you apologize to the whole group of people you involved in this?
Lw2: I read this, and my thoughts were that this couple seems like a couple who are dedicated to paying their debts, and paying their debts as quickly as possible. Sure, they could have deposited your check, waited for it to clear, wrote another check, and then given it to the reception hall, thus hiding the ultimate use of the money from your tender eyes. Although, if their thank you note says "thank you dear aunt for the gift, it helped us pay for the reception" (since apparently the rule of thumb is that you need to include some friendly bs about how you're going to use the cash gift) I would guess you would then be equally insulted, right?
#8 Oct 6, 2013
LW1: You're a massively immature PITA. Grow the F up.
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