“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Nov 20, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I want to start a family, but until now our circumstances have not made this possible. After a big move and starting a new business, we have decided it's about time.

My problem is my husband uses drugs to relieve stress. I don't feel he abuses them; it just takes the edge off after a hard day's work like a glass of wine does for me sometimes.

I would like him to stop taking the drugs while we are trying to conceive in case it could affect the baby. He is unwilling and it makes me crazy. I have decided that if he can't do this, he isn't ready to be a father. On the other hand, he's a hard worker, and I wonder if by asking him to do this I am being selfish. Please give me some advice.-- READY FOR MOTHERHOOD IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR READY FOR MOTHERHOOD: You are not being selfish, you are being prudent. According to Dr. June Reinisch, director emerita of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction: "There is some evidence that suggests certain drugs can attach to the sperm and therefore affect the fetus. So the best plan for a healthy baby would be for the man to be as 'clean' as possible before he starts to make a child. This is because sperm are produced about three months before they are released."

DEAR ABBY: One of my husband's relatives is filing for bankruptcy for the third time. His wife recently started to receive disability. I believe they are abusing the system.

I know she was not truthful on her disability application. I work in the health care field and in the past have completed evaluations for disability claims. I know the only way she would meet the requirements would be if she misrepresented her current abilities.

Everyone else in the family works hard to support themselves, so I can't understand how this attitude is tolerated. What has pushed me over the edge is they have announced they're going to have a "bankruptcy party." They have invited everyone over to enjoy food and beverages that will be purchased with a credit card they have no intention of paying.

I feel an obligation to alert the disability office to her misrepresentation. My husband agrees that what they're doing is wrong, but he doesn't want me to do anything about it. This has caused a problem between us because I no longer want to go to family dinners. I know if I keep going and have to listen to them laugh about using taxpayer dollars to support their laziness, I will eventually explode. What do you think about this?-- SOMEWHERE IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR SOMEWHERE: I think your relatives are committing fraud and that it should be reported. Disability payments were meant for individuals who truly need them, not those who are gaming the system. And if you choose not to associate with these kinds of morally bankrupt individuals, you shouldn't have to. I can see how it would ruin your appetite. Shenanigans like this should be investigated and the abusers prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

DEAR ABBY: Well, here is a new one on me. I was walking through a Macy's looking for my wife, and right there in front of me was a 40-something woman in her bra trying on a blouse! Please tell me -- is this the new normal?-- GREG IN GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR GREG: It's unusual, but not unheard of -- particularly if all of the dressing rooms are in use. In order to prevent this from happening again, avert your eyes when you're in the women's department.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Nov 20, 2013
3- I'm going to Macy's!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#3 Nov 20, 2013
1 I know lots of kids conceived while mom and dad are stoned and/or drunk. Its been happening for Milena and we still made it to the moon.
Dont worry, screw and be happy!

2 Please, please, please invite me to that party! I would sooooooo love to unload on these people!

3 Avert you eyes? Why would I do that?
Cass

Claremont, CA

#4 Nov 20, 2013
RACE wrote:
3 Avert you eyes? Why would I do that?
Because she was a 73-year-old overweight granny in size 48-DDD bra?
Cass

Claremont, CA

#5 Nov 20, 2013
Oh, I see the woman was in her 40s. Still, she could have been a 340lb lady in size 48-DDD bra.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#6 Nov 20, 2013
Ha, I'd probably go blind!
Cass wrote:
Oh, I see the woman was in her 40s. Still, she could have been a 340lb lady in size 48-DDD bra.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#7 Nov 20, 2013
LW1 - Drugs? To what particular "drugs" do you refer? Pot? Crack? Heroin? LSD? Alcohol (which is certainly a drug!)?
"Drugs" comprise a myriad of substances!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#8 Nov 20, 2013
RACE wrote:
1 I know lots of kids conceived while mom and dad are stoned and/or drunk. Its been happening for Milena and we still made it to the moon.
Dont worry, screw and be happy!
2 Please, please, please invite me to that party! I would sooooooo love to unload on these people!
3 Avert you eyes? Why would I do that?
1. True, but the LW's head is not in the right place to cooperate with someone on parenting choices.

2. You are invited. You are going to BYOB aren't you?

3. Filene's Basement and Loehmans have had communal dressing rooms for ever. This woman has no boundaries

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#9 Nov 20, 2013
L1. Nicotine is a gate-way drug too.
Blunt Advice

Suffern, NY

#10 Nov 20, 2013
1. You aren't ready for kids. Don't have them.
2. Report them. for holidays volunteer or spend them with friends.
3. Not normal.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#11 Nov 20, 2013
Yup, and Pop Tarts are a gate-way to diabetes.
loose cannon wrote:
L1. Nicotine is a gate-way drug too.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#12 Nov 20, 2013
LW1: I'm leaning towards what RACE said, but his unwillingness to alter his behavior, even briefly, for the benefit of his child does not bode well for his future parenting.

LW2: I think you should go and have fun exploding.

LW3: No, it's not normal. She either has no boundaries or no shame, or perhaps both.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#13 Nov 20, 2013
RACE wrote:
Yup, and Pop Tarts are a gate-way to diabetes.
<quoted text>
BB guns are a gateway to gun crimes
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#14 Nov 20, 2013
LW1: You two are clearly not on the same page. And what drugs are we talking about? You should talk with your physician, not write to an advice columnist.

LW2: They are blatantly abusing the system. You could report them anonymously and nobody would ever know that you were the one who did it, assuming that you can keep quiet about it. There are fraud investigators who take these abuses very seriously.

LW3: It's not normal, but some people are notoriously immodest.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#15 Nov 27, 2013
Sorry, I have a tendency to read these columns days late and here I am a week late and wanting to see everyone's comments and wanting to comment myself.

I agree with loose cannon's, Race's and edog's comments regarding gateway situations. I guess I have never done "drugs" simply because my parents both had horrible cigarette smoking habits that really made me hate smoking and anything related to it. I used to tell my friends that I didn't even smoke, why would I want to destroy my health with illegal drugs. They never offered drugs to me after that or did drugs in my presence but we still all remained friends.

1: The lw's husband is not father material. She should keep that in mind.

2: Report them. Nobody else will and if that puts you on the outs with the family, so be it. They aren't the kind of people I'd want my kids to associate with anyway.

3: Ok, I'm an old woman in my 60s and usually more in favor of modesty but I disagree with Abby. If someone wants to disrobe in public, they should get used to being stared at. She should have at least worn a skinny t-shirt under another top. She could leave on the t-shirt while trying on a blouse. So it was her choice to allow others see her in her state of "undress." And really, is the guy supposed to cover his eyes while looking for his wife?

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