Abby 11-5

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“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Nov 5, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: I was picked on and bullied as a child. I was very insecure and dealt with low self-esteem. Through counseling I was able to overcome these issues to become a successful wife and mother. My question is, how do I prevent this from happening to my children without being an overprotective "bear" of a mom?-- MAMA BEAR IN NEW YORK

DEAR MAMA BEAR: Children with high self-esteem are less likely to be the targets of bullies. More often it's the child whose self-esteem is fragile to begin with who becomes the victim.

Children learn self-esteem from the way their parents treat them. Tell your children you love them, talk to them, read to them, listen to them and give them your undivided attention. And when they do something right, praise them.

If you teach your children respect for others and how to be independent, they will be less likely to be bullied. When they are old enough to have unsupervised access to their cellphones and online activities, you should also monitor them for any indication that they are being harassed or harassing another child.

DEAR ABBY: I invited my sister "Alina" and her husband from out of town for Thanksgiving because they had no plans. I then extended an invitation to my other sister, "Marilyn," and her husband if they had no plans. Marilyn told me later that her daughter, son-in-law and two grandchildren will be coming in from out of town, so I assumed they'd be celebrating Thanksgiving at her house.

When Marilyn asked me if they were included I said no, that the invitation was for her and her husband if they had no plans. Now she is furious with me and won't talk to me. I already have my children coming over and that will be 10 guests, which is as many as I can accommodate. Who is right here?-- THANKSGIVING HOSTESS

DEAR HOSTESS: You are. Your sister should not have assumed that because you invited her and her husband for Thanksgiving that you were automatically obligated to entertain the rest of her family. It is your right to control your guest list, not hers.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had a beautiful wedding and were blessed with the presence of many family members and friends. I am embarrassed to admit that we unfortunately did not send out thank-you cards to our guests.

Three years have passed, and we still feel guilty for not expressing our genuine gratitude. We are expecting our first child in a few months -- another milestone we hope to share with our loved ones. Would it be OK to take this as an opportunity to finally thank them and share the news of our family?-- MOM-TO-BE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MOM-TO-BE: It would be in better taste to deliver these messages separately -- first, your belated thank-you for your wedding gifts, and then, in a month or so when they have recovered from the shock, the news of your pregnancy and perhaps an invitation to your baby shower, which should be sent by whoever will be hosting it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband gave me a lovely necklace for my birthday. The problem is it's made of stainless steel and I'm allergic to it. He did this before, and that time I asked him to return it. However, he never got around to it and eventually it went to charity.

What do I do this time? Tell him and risk hurting his feelings? Or shove it in a drawer forever?-- THANKS, BUT ... IN AUSTRIA

DEAR THANKS, BUT ...: Say something like this to your husband: "Honey, the necklace is beautiful. You have wonderful taste. But remember? I'm allergic to stainless steel. Why don't we return it together and pick out something I'll be able to wear? Would Saturday be OK?"

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#2
Nov 5, 2013
 

Judged:

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3- Are you using this opportunity as another gift-grab when you failed to thank your friends and family for the last one? Don't expect too much.

4- Ask him to give you a pearl necklace.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#3
Nov 5, 2013
 

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1 Martial arts/survival training.

2 Your sister is a lazy sloth and expects you to entertain her family. Tell her to pound sand.

3 You greedy beyotch! You only now feel guilty, but for 3 yrs thanking them was the furthest thing from your mind. Forget about it, you deserve nothing.

4 Dog is right.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#4
Nov 5, 2013
 

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2. I have another take on this one.

I see it that LW has essentially told Marilyn that her dsughers family is not welcome at a holiday dinner that was initially described as someplace to go if you don't have other plans. This is especially egregious because Aunt Alina and her husband from out of town will be there.

Controlling a guestlist is fine and dandy but excluding immediate family from a holiday dinner is not. Correct response--in my book-- would have been: That will be really tight, can you bring a card table and chairs or can we do this at your house?

L4. People react to base metals in jewelry such as nickel Stainless steel is not allergenic. That's why they use it to make surgical instruments. So either LW got her metals wrong or she is a gold digger in a more literal sense in that she wants gold not plain stuff.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#5
Nov 5, 2013
 

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I dont think excluding them is any worse than them inviting themselves. Each is equally incorrect.
PEllen wrote:
Controlling a guestlist is fine and dandy but excluding immediate family from a holiday dinner is not. Correct response--in my book-- would have been: That will be really tight, can you bring a card table and chairs or can we do this at your house?

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#6
Nov 5, 2013
 
PEllen wrote:
L4. People react to base metals in jewelry such as nickel Stainless steel is not allergenic. That's why they use it to make surgical instruments. So either LW got her metals wrong or she is a gold digger in a more literal sense in that she wants gold not plain stuff.
Interesting

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

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#7
Nov 5, 2013
 

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L4: I was also suspicious about the stainless steel allergy. I agree with PE. Didn't even think you could buy stainless steel jewelry.

L2: Also agree with PE. Make accommodations for extra guests. That could have been handled by requesting dishes to bring also.

Her sister was correct to ask but wrong to get po"d.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#8
Nov 5, 2013
 

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LW1: Just make sure they understand their self-worth should not be based on what others think/say. I realize that's hard, especially as a teenager, but if they have basic idea floating around in their head, they should be OK.

LW2: Technically, you may be correct, but you come off as a tight-azzed b!tch. It's Thanksgiving, fercryinoutloud! You find a way to squeeze them in.

LW3: Share away, but don't expect much.

LW4: Yeah, PE, the being allergic to stainless steel seems very odd to me too. If she really likes it and does not want to hurt his feelings by returning it, she could try coating the parts that will touch her skin with clear nailpoish. It's not a permanent fix as it will have to be reapplied occasionally, but it's worked for others with metal allergies.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#9
Nov 5, 2013
 
dahgts wrote:
L4: I was also suspicious about the stainless steel allergy. I agree with PE. Didn't even think you could buy stainless steel jewelry.
My husband got me a necklace of stainless a few years ago. It's two-toned, so it almost looks like silver and hematite. Very cool and I should wear it more often, since I'm not allergic.:D
Blunt Advice

Bayonne, NJ

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#10
Nov 5, 2013
 

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RACE wrote:
1 Martial arts/survival training.
2 Your sister is a lazy sloth and expects you to entertain her family. Tell her to pound sand.
3 You greedy beyotch! You only now feel guilty, but for 3 yrs thanking them was the furthest thing from your mind. Forget about it, you deserve nothing.
4 Dog is right.
Couldn't say it better. But I have a question on 4. How does someone allergic to stainless steel eat? So many things cooked in it and stirred with it. She must not be able to eat in a restraunt or get anything pre made or take out.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#11
Nov 5, 2013
 
I think PE is right about the stainless, not a metal you could be allergic to(but who knows), and I dont think the metal is absorbed by foods, so I doubt there is a cross contamination hazard. The only real issue I could see would be handling stainless utensils, which can be overcome with plastic or wood.

But I really think the husband purchased a platinum necklace and she only thinks is stainless.
Blunt Advice wrote:
<quoted text>
Couldn't say it better. But I have a question on 4. How does someone allergic to stainless steel eat? So many things cooked in it and stirred with it. She must not be able to eat in a restraunt or get anything pre made or take out.

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

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#12
Nov 5, 2013
 
Blunt Advice wrote:
<quoted text>
Couldn't say it better. But I have a question on 4. How does someone allergic to stainless steel eat? So many things cooked in it and stirred with it. She must not be able to eat in a restraunt or get anything pre made or take out.
No stainless steel appliances in that house...hope no House Hunters program there.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#13
Nov 5, 2013
 
LW2: Team dahgts. I don't understand how Marilyn can be gracious enough to ask and then get po-ed when the answer is "no". However, for the sake of family relations, LW should take PEllen's advice, call Marilyn and ask her to bring a dish and a card table. There's no gift in being "right".

LW3: Considering all of the letters we've seen regarding thank you notes, I think it would be a good idea to send them now, apologizing profusely for your tardiness, and waxing eloquently about the thoughtfulness and usefullness of each gift. D take Abby's advice about delivering the baby news separately.

LW4: PEllen is correct. Most people who have metal allergies are allergic to nickel. If it is a small piece, you can coat the part that touches the skin with clear nail polish and wear the necklace.
Blunt Advice

Bayonne, NJ

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#14
Nov 5, 2013
 
Does seem like an odd allergy. And I would think if your skin can't touch it, you certainly can't ingest food that has been prepared in it. Maybe chips or somethhing dry, but certainly not something with moisture to it because wouldn't the same kind of chemical reaction occur?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#15
Nov 5, 2013
 

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#17
Nov 5, 2013
 

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LW2: You should have said, I would love to have them too, but I don't really have the room for that many additional guests.

LW3: Translation: I'd like to send a thank you letter 3 years after my wedding, not because it's the right thing to do, but rather so that folks won't think I'm the ingrate and will show up to a baby shower and give me yet MORE gifts! Is that okay Abby?

LW4: Tell him you are allergic to it and remind him that the same thing happened last time.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

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#18
Nov 5, 2013
 
1: Don't let them have a FB.

4: The other one never happened and you gave it away? Do you not have legs and a form of transportation?

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