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1 - 16 of 16 Comments Last updated Jul 19, 2013

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#1
Jul 19, 2013
 

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DEAR AMY: We understand that you are good at answering questions and read your column every day before we start our daily chores.

Our problem is this: How do we go about avoiding all that sex and violence that is currently showing on our VCR? It's a real problem for us.-- Tami and Vicki

DEAR TAMI AND VICKI: I would suggest that you remove the tape immediately.(2004)

DEAR AMY: How do you tell a gal you won't marry her because you are allergic to her stupid cat?

Actually, I think she loves the cat more than me!-- Disgusted

DEAR DISGUSTED: If you think your gal loves her cat more than she loves you, then she probably does. Telling her you won't marry her might not be a problem.(2004)

DEAR AMY: I have been following basically the same route to work for the past seven years. In that time I recognize several good-looking women driving the same route. I have only seen these women in their cars. I wonder how they would look if I could see them out of the car.

Since I know where they turn in to their places of work, it would be easy to follow them one day and watch. If I did this, would I be a stalker?-- Doug

DEAR DOUG: No, you'd just be a creep. For now, it's a legal distinction -- which I hope you won't explore further.(2003)

DEAR AMY: I am in love. I'm so happy. I hear music in my head all the time.

I'm just wondering, why does this feeling go away?-- Singing a Happy Tune

DEAR SINGING: I know the feeling. You're hearing The Carpenters sing "Close to You." And yes, it does go away. But if you're lucky, your head-music will change to Sinatra. The Sinatra era can last for a long, long time. Once you move on to the George Jones/Tammy Wynette years, you know you're in a peck of trouble.

I don't think anyone really knows how to make this feeling stay. Pheromones carry sexual exhilaration just so far. But I do know that it is a fearsome and wonderful thing. Hang on to the feeling. You'll want to remember it some day.(2005)

DEAR AMY: I am the mom of a great 16-year-old who spent many months successfully communicating to me why thongs are "status quo" and not status-making apparel among teenage girls. It is the panty lines, which they consider to be more revealing than "what's underneath." -- Been There, Done That

DEAR BEEN THERE: If your teenager managed to convince you that panty lines are more revealing than "what's underneath," then I'd say that she has a very bright future in advocacy, because she got you to take a position that makes no sense whatsoever.(2005)

DEAR AMY: On birthdays and holidays my grandchildren often send or give me a greeting card with a notation that reads, "You are invited to dinner, let us know when it's convenient." Frankly, at post-80, I am hardly ever overbooked.

I don't feel that I ought to call them to make dinner arrangements, which is, apparently, what they expect. I look upon such invitations as nongifts; what is your take on this?-- Card Holder

DEAR CARD HOLDER: My take on this is that your grandchildren might in fact sincerely want to host you for dinner. Is that even a remote possibility?

You have to consider that your grandchildren might in fact think that, because of your busy schedule of water polo matches and blind dates, you would actually have trouble wedging in a dinner with the young'uns.

Please give them the benefit of the doubt here, but why not have a little fun with it? Let them know that even though you're busy training for the elder-triathlon, you might be able to squeeze them in. Give them two dates to choose from, and then the ball is in their court. It is up to them to do the rest of the arranging.(2003)

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#2
Jul 19, 2013
 
1- Oh dear God

2- UHG!

3- Goddammit, Amy!

4- Some women prefer thongs because they don't show pantie lines. Who res. I find thongs way too constricting. But sometimes I wear them anyway.

5- Take them up on their offer and quit your dam btching.

Since: Jan 10

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#3
Jul 19, 2013
 

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L1: IT'S A CHRISTMAS IN JULY MIRACLE! Someone with no registered brain activity has managed to write a letter! OMG! Call the Pope!

Lw2: Normally, I'd suggest you tell her that you can't live with her cat because you're allergic. I'm a huge cat lover (I've had up to four cats at a time in my adult life), but people who are allergic don't deserve to suffer.

HOWEVER:

(1) you called her cat stupid. So you're not even going to be sympathetic to her if she is willing to rehome her cat in order to be with you.

(2) Why did you date her, knowing she has a cat and that you're allergic if you're not willing to take shots or otherwise accommodate her pet? I would not date a man who's allergic and who can't live with cats. It just wouldn't happen.

L3: " I wonder how they would look if I could see them out of the car." Translation: I want to ask them out, but no fatties allowed!

L4: Your daughter lied. Given how young women flaunt their bra straps and other stuff, there is no way that that many teen girls gave a rip about panty lines.

L5: C'mon, you can be betchier than that ! I know you can! Give it the old finishing school try!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#4
Jul 19, 2013
 

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To quote Squishy "bla bla bla"
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

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#5
Jul 19, 2013
 
Just marking my spot in case something interesting shows up later. Is Amy about to retire? When Margo was about to retire, she also started doing a lot of reruns and "response" letters, which she purposely avoided through most of her career as an advice columnist.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#6
Jul 19, 2013
 
Cass wrote:
Just marking my spot in case something interesting shows up later. Is Amy about to retire? When Margo was about to retire, she also started doing a lot of reruns and "response" letters, which she purposely avoided through most of her career as an advice columnist.
Retire? Who'd want to give up such a cushion job? She's just on vacation. Writing crappy advice to stupid problems is apparently very mentally and physically challenging.

Since: Aug 08

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#7
Jul 19, 2013
 

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LW2:ďStupid cat,Ē lol. Ahahahahahaha.

LW3: Dude, donít Ö just donít. Certainly there are plenty of other places for you to check out prospective mates. Thatís just creepy.

LW5: Thongs are hot. Love them a$s cheeks sticking out.

LW6: Sounds kinda lazy on their part. Youíd think they know with someone of that age that itís best to just take the lead.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#8
Jul 19, 2013
 
What RACE said.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#9
Jul 19, 2013
 
I totally missed letter 3. Yeah, dude's a creep.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

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#10
Jul 19, 2013
 

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Respectfully disagree on the advice to LW4; more
people should get an earworm of the late George Jones singing, "She's my rock and I ain't gonna throw her away.." :)

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#11
Jul 19, 2013
 

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Oldies, huh?

L1: I don't think LW1 understands anything with an opening line like that.

L2: Who calls their girlfriend "gal" anymore? This has to be an old geezer. She doesn't want to marry you anyways. She likes her cats better. You cranky old man!

L3: And you think they'd be all over you? I doubt it.

L4: Barf.

L5: Ha!

L6: Make sure you tell those grandchildren you eat dinner at 4pm, otherwise they'll make plans for an 8pm dinner.

Since: May 13

Monterey, CA

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#12
Jul 19, 2013
 
Team Red!

A couple of months ago, a guy in the car next to me started flirting. He was really good-looking. I wish I would have followed him into the shopping center he turned into. But I didn't want to be a stalkerette.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

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#13
Jul 19, 2013
 
I pulled up the actual column because I didn't want to believe that letters 1-4 were real. Sorry edog! I know that if you were going to make up letters, they'd be way better than these.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#14
Jul 19, 2013
 

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j_m_w wrote:
I pulled up the actual column because I didn't want to believe that letters 1-4 were real. Sorry edog! I know that if you were going to make up letters, they'd be way better than these.
It's sad when I can make up letters that are more interesting than what people actually write in.

And I think someone suggested this before, but we should all write in to Amy with our own "fake" letters, just for a cheap laugh.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#15
Jul 19, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
L6: Make sure you tell those grandchildren you eat dinner at 4pm, otherwise they'll make plans for an 8pm dinner.
Good point. 8 is when Matlock comes on!
Julie

Chicago, IL

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#16
Jul 19, 2013
 

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Cass wrote:
Is Amy about to retire?
Don't you actually have to *work* at something to be able to retire from it?

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