Posted in the Chicago Forum
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#1 Feb 22, 2014
DEAR AMY: I met a girl on eHarmony, and we really hit it off. Over the past three weeks we have talked for only an hour total on the phone but have sent over 500 texts back and forth. Now the texts are becoming distant. What started out as "Good night, sweet dreams, thinking of you," is now just, "Night."
I've tried phoning her, but it goes to voice mail, so I leave a message and go on with my day.
We have tried to meet up, but she works two jobs, has two kids and lives 25 minutes away. I am happy to drive but don't think it's fair to her kids to have some stranger come by and chat with their mother.
I am unsure of how to continue. Should I just skip texting until she initiates communication first?
I really like this girl, and I've told her that much. She's funny, smart, good looking and has a great sense of family values. I would like to have a relationship, but I'm not sure if stopping texting would imply "Hey I'm not interested anymore" or "Hey, I'm tired of texting." -- Wanting More
DEAR WANTING: Go for the "meet." Texting, emailing, G-chatting, and other forms of not-in-person communication should be used mainly to arrange to meet one another in person. Otherwise, you can write yourself into a romance that isn't quite real.
Once you meet each other, you can text, etc., to your heart's content, and while you still have no guarantee that a relationship will take off, at least you know that whatever interaction you have has some traction.
If someone doesn't want to meet you (even to the extent of dashing out for coffee between other commitments), then she either is not into you or is simply unavailable. Does it matter to you which she is? I hope not.
Stop texting her. You don't need to explain yourself. She may respond by asking you where you went, in which case you can talk (or text) about it.
DEAR AMY: I am tempted to try an "Aunt-ervention" with one of my nieces.
She has had tons of help from the family in various forms over the years. She has the skills to help a family member -- sort of a payback but also an opportunity to step up and help out (as she has been helped) and thus carry on one of our better family traditions.
I'm not directly affected by her (mis)behaviors, but I'm experiencing apoplexy as I watch her make selfish mistakes I have made myself and other (new and original) mistakes all her own.
This isn't "Downton Abbey" and I ain't Maggie Smith, so a lecture in the library is unlikely to accomplish anything except to alienate my 20-something niece (not to mention her parents).
Any suggestions, other than to mind my own business?-- Aunt-erventionist
DEAR AUNT: Maggie Smith the heck out of this.
You should write to your niece a version of this: "When I was a feckless young woman (as you are now), no one tried to guide me. I wish someone had, because I might have avoided years of ill will, damaged relationships and poor judgment. You are lucky to be loved by wonderful people, and now it is time for you to make your mark in the family by starting to contribute in your own special way. I believe in you and hope you choose this positive path."
Your missive may get tossed, misinterpreted or blown out of proportion. But this is the risk that loving aunties take for being as smart as Maggie Smith.
DEAR AMY: "Screaming Meanie" is frustrated about her husband's denial of his hearing loss. She should ask him, "Who is the first one to notice when your eyes are going bad?" He would answer, "Me."
Then ask him, "Who is the first to notice when you have hearing loss?" The correct answer is, "Everyone else."
This is the approach a hearing loss expert recommended to my brother and me when dealing with our mother's hearing loss. It worked, and she couldn't be happier, and, frankly, neither could we.-- No Longer Screaming
DEAR NO LONGER: Thank you.
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#2 Feb 22, 2014
1- Is this the first woman who showed an interest in you? No wonder you're a loser. Don't know how much internet dating Amy has done, but she's right, you text to set up a time and place to meet. If that never seems to happen, stalk the next girl who said hi on your profile.
2- Your letter is so vague and ambiguous that I don't even understand your problem and don't want to give you any advice.
3- I like this example, borrowed from an old friend from another thread
An older gentleman goes to the doctor for a check up and says "Doc I think my wife is going deaf but she won't admit to it and I don't know what to do."
Doc: How bad is her hearing?
Husband: I am not sure.
Doc- Well go home and try talking to her from various distances and then we will be able to tell.
The husband goes home. His wife is in the kitchen standing by the stove.
Husband stands about 15 feet away and asks "what's for dinner?"....no response.
He moves to about 10 feet away..." Hi honey, what's for dinner?" gets no response again..he is really getting concerned now.
Moves to 5 feet away " hey honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response.
So he stands right behind her and says "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Wife "Oh for goodness sakes for the fourth time - it is stew!"
#3 Feb 22, 2014
LW1 - Somewhat OTA: a person with two jobs and two kids is not a "girl." She is a woman.
LW2 - ITA with Dog.
#4 Feb 22, 2014
1: Call her and try to arrange to meet over coffee. This will allow for a relatively quick "get away" for either of you. Coffee doesn't take all that long so it's not as though she'd have to schedule an hour or more to meet you. If things go well, start asking her out on dates. I agree that you shouldn't be introduced to her kids until you've know each other better and are both pretty sure things are going to go places.
2. Who is Maggie Smith? Yes, I know she's an actress but I don't get the reference otherwise. I suppose Annie's letter idea is as good as any. I'd really like to have a lot more specific information though.
3: Does my husband have a hearing loss problem? I wake up in the morning to the loud sound of NPR coming from the speakers of my husband's computer. He sits right in front of it. I'm upstairs in a bedroom with the door closed. Yet I feel as though the sound is blasting me right from my bedside table. I go downstairs, turn down the speakers and leave the room. My husband keeps the speakers at that level and doesn't complain that he can't hear them. Well, maybe that's his way of getting me out of bed in the morning. ;-)
“I Am Mine”
Since: Dec 08
#5 Feb 22, 2014
Wow. talk about nitpicky.
'Woman' is the equivalent of 'man'.
Do women commonly talk about the 'man' they met this weekend? Or do they talk about the 'guy'?
What's the female gender equivalent term to 'guy'?
I contend 'girl' is perfectly acceptable and in no way belittling as you seem to be trying to paint it.
#6 Feb 22, 2014
LW1: The 25-minute drive is negligible. The two jobs and two kids are not. This woman has a fair amount of baggage. You should continue to shop around.
LW2: Pippa, Maggie Smith is an acclaimed British actress, most recently known for playing Professor McGonagall in the Harry Potter series. Downton Abbey is a British period soap opera. I don't watch it so I don't get the reference to the library talk, either, but I can picture Ms. Smith doling out wise-auntie advice. She'd definitely nail that. I think LW should go for the talk, Maggie Smith-style, with her niece. Once.
#7 Feb 22, 2014
2. Who is Maggie Smith? Yes, I know she's an actress but I don't get the reference otherwise. I suppose Annie's letter idea is as good as any. I'd really like to have a lot more specific information though.[/QUOTE]
She's referring to the character she plays on Downton Abby, Violet Crawley. She is the family matriarch and often an interfering busybody. For the record, she isn't the aunt on the show, she is the grandmother.
I wouldn't want to compare myself to that character. While she has been right at times, she's also a representative of a class that is fading away, and is often being shown as needing to fade away. She's also been very wrong at times but refuses to acknowledge it when she is.
My guess is that auntie is going to end up imitating the "wrong but never having to acknowledge it" aspect of the character.
#8 Feb 22, 2014
LW1: You've been "dumped" before even meeting her. Seriously, you haven't figured this out? <facepalm>
In any case, it's not your fault, so deal with it, stop pestering her, and move on. Or, keep on phoning/texting her. Maybe you'll figure it out after she issues a restraining order.
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