Comments
21 - 40 of 42 Comments Last updated May 30, 2013

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#21 May 24, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
A gift card at Binny's or a subscription for monthly/quarterly gourmet foods or a wine club. Package it with 2 nifty wine glasses unlike anything they already have.
I like this (mostly because I love shopping for glasswear) but I will have to talk to my other sister first...she may be trying to stop drinking, so if that is true, it would be a bad idea.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#22 May 24, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
And I *am* glad that they're commiting to each other in this public way; my niece has been calling this man "dad" for a long time now and I'm pleased that she's going to have "proof" that he's not going anywhere. She was just an infant when her dad was killed and I'm sure it's going to be a great relief to her.
Oh, her dad was killed 17 years ago, and she was just a babe?

Don't some of the SSI benefits expire when the widow is no longer caring for a child under the age of 16? They could be getting legally married, given that she's now over 16.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#23 May 24, 2013
Squishymama: I think it's PEllen who can speak more about this, but ...

Having just researched my vague recollection about SSI benefits, your sister was most likely receiving surviving spouse benefits while your niece was under age 16. Your niece receives dependent benefits until she's 18 but her mother's benefits have most likely stopped.

So, it's quite possible they are actually getting legally married because the benefits have expired so the consequences of doing so no longer exist.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#24 May 24, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
And this is why we close the toilet lid before we flush. Every time.
My toilet is nice, but old and finicky. I have to flush with the lid up to make sure it's going to flush (because if it's not, I have to be prepared to quickly turn the water off so it doesn't overflow).

So I keep my toothbrushes in a cabinet with the door closed.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#25 May 24, 2013
pde, that scenario could very well be true.

And thanks! It helps me see this in a new (and frankly better) light. Because I really want to go to this ceremony as non-cynically as I can.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#26 May 24, 2013
squishymama wrote:
OK, I have a wedding gift question that I could use some imput on.
My eldest step-sister has been with the same guy for 9-10 years now, maybe longer. About 5 years ago, they made a big deal with a proposal at christmas but then later told everyone that they wouldn't be getting married after all, for tax reasons.(I think it has to do with surviving spouse benefits; her 1st husband was killed in a car accident 17 years ago.)
Fast foward to a few months ago. I get a "save the date" phone call for their wedding. The invite says this will take place at a church, but I *know* that they're not really getting married, legally speaking. Not that the religious ceremony doesn't have any weight or meaning, but part of getting married, imo, is making it legal. I mean, isn't that what all the fuss is about gay marriage?
So what do I get for a couple that has been living together for almost a decade, and that are just saying some pretty words in front of a minister and friends/family? I have something in mind, but I'd like to see some other ideas.
Oh, I almost forgot. She's wearing a big white formal gown. I know that I'm going to have to keep my sunglasses on so everyone won't be able to see my constant eyerolling.
WEll, I'm not as nice as you, so I wouldn't get them anything because they're not getting married. I think it's lousy to do a fake wedding in order to keep some benefits from her dead spouse.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#27 May 24, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh, her dad was killed 17 years ago, and she was just a babe?
Don't some of the SSI benefits expire when the widow is no longer caring for a child under the age of 16? They could be getting legally married, given that she's now over 16.
THe kids get SS benefits until they turn 18 or graduate from HS (I forget which). Her getting married doesn't change that.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#28 May 24, 2013
pde wrote:
Squishymama: I think it's PEllen who can speak more about this, but ...
Having just researched my vague recollection about SSI benefits, your sister was most likely receiving surviving spouse benefits while your niece was under age 16. Your niece receives dependent benefits until she's 18 but her mother's benefits have most likely stopped.
So, it's quite possible they are actually getting legally married because the benefits have expired so the consequences of doing so no longer exist.
She wouldn't get spousal benefits unless some specific criteria were met. I doubt they were married long enough for her to qualify for them, so I am curious as to the details!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#29 May 24, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
I like this (mostly because I love shopping for glasswear) but I will have to talk to my other sister first...she may be trying to stop drinking, so if that is true, it would be a bad idea.
Then do gouremt desserts and some fancy dessert plates. I got a cople differnt sets from Gumps in SF when we got married 29 years ago and I use them often.Gumps had a great catlog; I assume they are on line at this point.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#30 May 24, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
She wouldn't get spousal benefits unless some specific criteria were met. I doubt they were married long enough for her to qualify for them, so I am curious as to the details!
The page I found said that widows or widowers of any age, caring for a surviving child under the age of 16 receive benefits at 75%.(The child's survivor benefits are apparently also at 75% but there's some percent max the household can receive.)

There were some criteria listed for losing those spousal benefits, and getting married was one of them:

"Your widow or widower who has not remarried can receive survivors benefits at any age if she or he takes care of your child who is under age 16 or is disabled and receives benefits on your record. "

http://www.socialsecurity.gov/survivorplan/on...

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#31 May 24, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
She wouldn't get spousal benefits unless some specific criteria were met. I doubt they were married long enough for her to qualify for them, so I am curious as to the details!
Yeah, me too! I would never ask her tho. Money is a *very* touchy subject with her (partly because we all know she's declared bankruptcy at least once).

I suspect the money is not SS. The seatbelt in the car he was driving failed and he was ejected from the vehicle and I think whatever settlement she got from the car manufacturer is at issue here.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#32 May 24, 2013
pde wrote:
Squishymama: I think it's PEllen who can speak more about this, but ...
Having just researched my vague recollection about SSI benefits, your sister was most likely receiving surviving spouse benefits while your niece was under age 16. Your niece receives dependent benefits until she's 18 but her mother's benefits have most likely stopped.
So, it's quite possible they are actually getting legally married because the benefits have expired so the consequences of doing so no longer exist.
The Social Security web sites are the source. They are actually clear and user-friendly. That isn't an area I usually need to get involved in.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#33 May 24, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
WEll, I'm not as nice as you, so I wouldn't get them anything because they're not getting married. I think it's lousy to do a fake wedding in order to keep some benefits from her dead spouse.
Believe me, I'm being nicer on here than I really feel.

I can understand the desire to commit to each other, but I really think this is the wrong way to go about it. And when I found out about the big white dress...well, that was the final straw.

But like I said, I'm trying to see the bright side.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#34 May 24, 2013
squishymama wrote:
OK, I have a wedding gift question that I could use some imput on.
My eldest step-sister has been with the same guy for 9-10 years now, maybe longer. About 5 years ago, they made a big deal with a proposal at christmas but then later told everyone that they wouldn't be getting married after all, for tax reasons.(I think it has to do with surviving spouse benefits; her 1st husband was killed in a car accident 17 years ago.)
Fast foward to a few months ago. I get a "save the date" phone call for their wedding. The invite says this will take place at a church, but I *know* that they're not really getting married, legally speaking. Not that the religious ceremony doesn't have any weight or meaning, but part of getting married, imo, is making it legal. I mean, isn't that what all the fuss is about gay marriage?
So what do I get for a couple that has been living together for almost a decade, and that are just saying some pretty words in front of a minister and friends/family? I have something in mind, but I'd like to see some other ideas.
Oh, I almost forgot. She's wearing a big white formal gown. I know that I'm going to have to keep my sunglasses on so everyone won't be able to see my constant eyerolling.
Check inside of a card. <shrug> They've been together for a long time and there's probably nothing "wedding gift-y" that they need. Nice fat check inside of a card would probably be both appreciated and put to good use. Plus it saves them schlepping to Target to return the blender/toaster/crockpot that they already have a couple of and didn't need.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#35 May 24, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
The page I found said that widows or widowers of any age, caring for a surviving child under the age of 16 receive benefits at 75%.(The child's survivor benefits are apparently also at 75% but there's some percent max the household can receive.)
There were some criteria listed for losing those spousal benefits, and getting married was one of them:
"Your widow or widower who has not remarried can receive survivors benefits at any age if she or he takes care of your child who is under age 16 or is disabled and receives benefits on your record. "
http://www.socialsecurity.gov/survivorplan/on...
Oh, if she got spousal benefits (which aren't that easy to get, or they weren't back when I was working with SS cases), then sure, they end when she gets married. BUt unless those benefits (which aren't high) are keeping her from being completely impoverished, I think it's pretty shitty to use them as a reason for not getting married. I"d rather get married and get a damn job.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#36 May 24, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh, her dad was killed 17 years ago, and she was just a babe?
Don't some of the SSI benefits expire when the widow is no longer caring for a child under the age of 16? They could be getting legally married, given that she's now over 16.
SSA (it's not SSI) stops at 18. It can continue until 19 if the child is still finishing HS.

I got it for Chris after his dad died.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#37 May 24, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
She wouldn't get spousal benefits unless some specific criteria were met. I doubt they were married long enough for her to qualify for them, so I am curious as to the details!
To get spousal benefits she would need to be 50, disabled, and not remarry before then.

I can get Chris' dad's benefits except I remarried before 50 so now I have to wait until 62. <shrug>

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#38 May 24, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh, if she got spousal benefits (which aren't that easy to get, or they weren't back when I was working with SS cases), then sure, they end when she gets married. BUt unless those benefits (which aren't high) are keeping her from being completely impoverished, I think it's pretty shitty to use them as a reason for not getting married. I"d rather get married and get a damn job.
They're both employed (they met at work, in fact) so this whole tax issues has to be over more than just SS.

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#39 May 24, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
To get spousal benefits she would need to be 50, disabled, and not remarry before then.
I can get Chris' dad's benefits except I remarried before 50 so now I have to wait until 62. <shrug>
I was about 60 when my ex died. He remarried, I didn't. I was literally tracked down in Chicago by a SS worker who contacted my old employer in AZ and tried every same name in my area until he found me to let me know I was qualified to get his SS benefits.

You have to be married for at least 10 years, not married. You don't have to be disabled. I was having a hard time finding a job so I really needed it until I got a job and then my own benefit, which was much more. It's possible that his widow had to provide info re his previous marital status, but I don't know about that.

I knew about the requirements but hadn't checked it out yet. I just found it amazing that he made such an effort to find me.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#40 May 24, 2013
dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
I was about 60 when my ex died. He remarried, I didn't. I was literally tracked down in Chicago by a SS worker who contacted my old employer in AZ and tried every same name in my area until he found me to let me know I was qualified to get his SS benefits.
You have to be married for at least 10 years, not married. You don't have to be disabled. I was having a hard time finding a job so I really needed it until I got a job and then my own benefit, which was much more. It's possible that his widow had to provide info re his previous marital status, but I don't know about that.
I knew about the requirements but hadn't checked it out yet. I just found it amazing that he made such an effort to find me.
If you're under 60 you need to be disabled. If you're divorced you had to have been married 10 years. I'm not 60 yet (for a LONG time) so I'm good. There's not a huge difference in my own benefit and his (we're talking double digits only) so I'm good.

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 3 min Hey Stupid 1,099,865
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 4 min Jacques from Ottawa 177,355
Ill. House Approves Legalizing Same-Sex Civil U... (Dec '10) 8 min the real Jonah1 49,466
Israeli troops begin Gaza pullout as Hamas decl... (Jan '09) 22 min voice of peace 68,354
Messianic Jews say they are persecuted in Israel (Jun '08) 28 min JOEL 68,955
IL Illinois Governor Recall Amendment (Oct '10) 1 hr newpoly 1,903
The monkey in the room 2 hr hands on AR 2
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 13 hr Phil Indeblanc 97,916
•••
Chicago Dating

more search filters

less search filters

•••

Chicago Jobs

•••
Enter and win $5000
•••
•••

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••