Abby 5-24

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“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
May 24, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I attended the wedding of the son of some old friends in another state. Rather than buy the young couple a gift, we instead gave them a check for $1,000. Imagine our astonishment when a month later the following arrived in our mailbox:

"Dear 'Loretta' and 'Evan,'

"Thank you for the generous donation. We really enjoyed spending that money. If ever you feel like you have too much of it, we would gladly take it off your hands.

"Love,'Mason' and 'Candace'"

Abby, my husband and I have worked hard for many years in our business and have been blessed by the Lord. We are not millionaires. We were happy and humbled to be able to share with them -- until we received this. The money wasn't a donation; it was a gift.-- STUNG IN SIOUX CITY

DEAR STUNG: Let's hope the note you received was an unfortunate attempt at humor. While the message may have gone over like a lead balloon and I'm sure the parents would be beyond embarrassed if they knew, at least you received a thank-you for your generosity. I hear from many people who complain that their gifts were not acknowledged at all.

DEAR ABBY: One of my co-workers takes company research presentation books into the restroom with him multiple times a day and spends upwards of half an hour in there with them. The unsanitary implications of this drive me batty.

I am not germophobic, but taking shared materials into the bathroom while you're doing your business is just too much for me. It's not like he's taking in a newspaper that can be tossed out; these are research materials that we must all share!

My co-worker told me I need to "get over it," that this is a "me" issue. Am I crazy or is taking shared workplace materials into the bathroom gross and inappropriate?-- WAITING FOR E. COLI TO KILL ME

DEAR WAITING: You are asking the wrong person this question. You should be asking the head of human resources or your boss.

I'm no germophobe either, but I agree that what your co-worker is doing is extremely inappropriate. You should not have to sanitize your hands after touching anything your co-worker might have touched, but that's what I'm suggesting you do.

DEAR ABBY: I have many problems, but my biggest one is, how do I forgive someone so I can move on with my life?

It would take me forever to tell you everything that has been said and done. Forgiving sounds simple, but it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Can you help?-- CHALLENGED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CHALLENGED: If hate and resentment are eating away at you, then it is probably healthier for you to let go of it. Forgiving someone isn't doing something for someone else; it is a gift you give yourself that allows you to move forward with your life. Your religious adviser can help you -- or, if you prefer, a licensed mental health counselor.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#2
May 24, 2013
 
1. They were clueless but their hearts were in the right place. I'll bet the B&G are young.

2.It is better to wash your hands after using teh toilet. The infectious disease peeps refer to the oral/fecal route as a source of infection. That being said, a bathroom is not the germiest place around. As I recall, the outside bottom of a woman's purse is because it often sits on varios places on the floor.

You could probably handle this by standing outside teh men's room door, pounding and saying loudly, "Hey Charlie, its been 20 minutes and I need the Chalmers catalog". A couple time doing that and/ or an office subscription to Men's Health should do the trick.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#3
May 24, 2013
 
1 Show it to the B&G parents and say "WTF?"

2 Make your own copy of the material, and let him wipe his a* with the originals

3 What? You have a mountain of drama and wont share? You bastard!

Since: Jan 10

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#4
May 24, 2013
 
L1: Sounds like a very young couple trying to be funny. I can't imagine giving someone other than my own child $1K as awedding gift.

L2: I don't like that someone is advertising what they're going to be doing in there. Taking reading material in = pooping. TMI. THe only time I wish I had a smart phone is to enterain myself for a few minutes in the bathroom at work.

L3: There are books on this. Try them. Your question needs more of a response than Abby cn give you in a column.

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#5
May 24, 2013
 
L1: They were trying to be funny. Stop complaining, at least they acknowledged your gift.

L2: Gross.

L3: What Ang said with a side of Race. Give us something we can work with!
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#6
May 24, 2013
 

Judged:

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LW1: Totally rude and offensive, but I suspect B&G are just stupidheads that dont' know better. I would casually say something to your friends.

LW2: Disgusting. I also think it's gross when people bring their electronics in teh bathroom, but at least that's something that's their own. Why do people need to be entertained in the potty? Just do your thing and be done with it!

FWIW, regarding what Pellens said about pocketbooks. I think about that all the time and WIL NOT put my pocketbook on teh counter or table or anything. Ever. That thing has been on floors everywhere. I think about it sitting on the floor of the subway and... yuck!

LW3: AMy's been watching Dr. Phil.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#7
May 24, 2013
 
2- You'll be even more disgusted to learn that there's fecal matter on your toothbrush also.

Since: Jan 10

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#8
May 24, 2013
 
I don't put my purse on the floor of a bathroom ever. Heck, I remember giving up overalls (I was 18, 19) because they were so much work in a public restroom, as far askeeping them off the floor.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#9
May 24, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I don't put my purse on the floor of a bathroom ever. Heck, I remember giving up overalls (I was 18, 19) because they were so much work in a public restroom, as far askeeping them off the floor.
Yah, I always hang it or put it on top of the TP holder. NEVER on the floor!!!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#10
May 24, 2013
 

Judged:

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Your overalls?
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
Yah, I always hang it or put it on top of the TP holder. NEVER on the floor!!!

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#11
May 24, 2013
 
LW1: They were trying to be funny, but if it's so offensive to you, why didn't your write *them* instead of Abby?

LW2: It sounds like these materials might be stored in a centralized location. If so, get a BIG bottle of hand sanitizer and put in in that area. You may be the only one who uses it, but I doubt it.

LW3: What jamwow said. It's Friday, we coulda used some juicy stuff.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#12
May 24, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
2- You'll be even more disgusted to learn that there's fecal matter on your toothbrush also.
And this is why we close the toilet lid before we flush. Every time.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#13
May 24, 2013
 

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OK, I have a wedding gift question that I could use some imput on.

My eldest step-sister has been with the same guy for 9-10 years now, maybe longer. About 5 years ago, they made a big deal with a proposal at christmas but then later told everyone that they wouldn't be getting married after all, for tax reasons.(I think it has to do with surviving spouse benefits; her 1st husband was killed in a car accident 17 years ago.)

Fast foward to a few months ago. I get a "save the date" phone call for their wedding. The invite says this will take place at a church, but I *know* that they're not really getting married, legally speaking. Not that the religious ceremony doesn't have any weight or meaning, but part of getting married, imo, is making it legal. I mean, isn't that what all the fuss is about gay marriage?

So what do I get for a couple that has been living together for almost a decade, and that are just saying some pretty words in front of a minister and friends/family? I have something in mind, but I'd like to see some other ideas.

Oh, I almost forgot. She's wearing a big white formal gown. I know that I'm going to have to keep my sunglasses on so everyone won't be able to see my constant eyerolling.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#14
May 24, 2013
 

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blender. can never have too many blenders.
squishymama wrote:
OK, I have a wedding gift question that I could use some imput on.
My eldest step-sister has been with the same guy for 9-10 years now, maybe longer. About 5 years ago, they made a big deal with a proposal at christmas but then later told everyone that they wouldn't be getting married after all, for tax reasons.(I think it has to do with surviving spouse benefits; her 1st husband was killed in a car accident 17 years ago.)
Fast foward to a few months ago. I get a "save the date" phone call for their wedding. The invite says this will take place at a church, but I *know* that they're not really getting married, legally speaking. Not that the religious ceremony doesn't have any weight or meaning, but part of getting married, imo, is making it legal. I mean, isn't that what all the fuss is about gay marriage?
So what do I get for a couple that has been living together for almost a decade, and that are just saying some pretty words in front of a minister and friends/family? I have something in mind, but I'd like to see some other ideas.
Oh, I almost forgot. She's wearing a big white formal gown. I know that I'm going to have to keep my sunglasses on so everyone won't be able to see my constant eyerolling.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#15
May 24, 2013
 
I can't believe I typed "imput".

I'm glad it's Friday.

And I think my step-sister would try and put me in the blender if I got her one, RACE.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#16
May 24, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
Your overalls?
<quoted text>
Yep! You know me!
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#17
May 24, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
OK, I have a wedding gift question that I could use some imput on.
My eldest step-sister has been with the same guy for 9-10 years now, maybe longer. About 5 years ago, they made a big deal with a proposal at christmas but then later told everyone that they wouldn't be getting married after all, for tax reasons.(I think it has to do with surviving spouse benefits; her 1st husband was killed in a car accident 17 years ago.)
Fast foward to a few months ago. I get a "save the date" phone call for their wedding. The invite says this will take place at a church, but I *know* that they're not really getting married, legally speaking. Not that the religious ceremony doesn't have any weight or meaning, but part of getting married, imo, is making it legal. I mean, isn't that what all the fuss is about gay marriage?
So what do I get for a couple that has been living together for almost a decade, and that are just saying some pretty words in front of a minister and friends/family? I have something in mind, but I'd like to see some other ideas.
Oh, I almost forgot. She's wearing a big white formal gown. I know that I'm going to have to keep my sunglasses on so everyone won't be able to see my constant eyerolling.
A pet monkey.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#18
May 24, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
OK, I have a wedding gift question that I could use some imput on.
My eldest step-sister has been with the same guy for 9-10 years now, maybe longer. About 5 years ago, they made a big deal with a proposal at christmas but then later told everyone that they wouldn't be getting married after all, for tax reasons.(I think it has to do with surviving spouse benefits; her 1st husband was killed in a car accident 17 years ago.)
Fast foward to a few months ago. I get a "save the date" phone call for their wedding. The invite says this will take place at a church, but I *know* that they're not really getting married, legally speaking. Not that the religious ceremony doesn't have any weight or meaning, but part of getting married, imo, is making it legal. I mean, isn't that what all the fuss is about gay marriage?
So what do I get for a couple that has been living together for almost a decade, and that are just saying some pretty words in front of a minister and friends/family? I have something in mind, but I'd like to see some other ideas.
Oh, I almost forgot. She's wearing a big white formal gown. I know that I'm going to have to keep my sunglasses on so everyone won't be able to see my constant eyerolling.
A gift card at Binny's or a subscription for monthly/quarterly gourmet foods or a wine club. Package it with 2 nifty wine glasses unlike anything they already have.
pde

Schaumburg, IL

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#19
May 24, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
Fast foward to a few months ago. I get a "save the date" phone call for their wedding. The invite says this will take place at a church, but I *know* that they're not really getting married, legally speaking. Not that the religious ceremony doesn't have any weight or meaning, but part of getting married, imo, is making it legal. I mean, isn't that what all the fuss is about gay marriage?
So what do I get for a couple that has been living together for almost a decade, and that are just saying some pretty words in front of a minister and friends/family? I have something in mind, but I'd like to see some other ideas.
If she and her boyfriend are religious, there may be some sort of deep meaning for them in having the religious ceremony done, even if the legal paperwork is never done. It binds them together in the eyes of a spiritual power they both believe in. For some people, the legal aspects are the major part of a marriage, for others, the religious aspects are the more concerning.

(Which is personally why I think that the concepts of legal marriage and religious marriage need to be completely split apart from one another.)

As for wedding gifts, I'm probably not going to be all that helpful. My general rule of thumb for EVERYBODY is something that costs between $50 and $100 off their registry. The only time I've broken that is when I saw the professional knife set I knew my BIL desperately desired but could never bring himself to purchase on a super sale ($1000 knife set for $300). I got them that.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#20
May 24, 2013
 
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
If she and her boyfriend are religious, there may be some sort of deep meaning for them in having the religious ceremony done, even if the legal paperwork is never done. It binds them together in the eyes of a spiritual power they both believe in. For some people, the legal aspects are the major part of a marriage, for others, the religious aspects are the more concerning.
(Which is personally why I think that the concepts of legal marriage and religious marriage need to be completely split apart from one another.)
As for wedding gifts, I'm probably not going to be all that helpful. My general rule of thumb for EVERYBODY is something that costs between $50 and $100 off their registry. The only time I've broken that is when I saw the professional knife set I knew my BIL desperately desired but could never bring himself to purchase on a super sale ($1000 knife set for $300). I got them that.
See, that's part of my problem. I've never known her to be particularly religious so this sorta smacks of a gift and/or attention grab to me.

But she *is* my sister, so I'm trying to make myself see this in the best light possible. Maybe she's quietly gotten christian on us, but she usually doesn't do anything quietly so I'm really doubting it.

And I *am* glad that they're commiting to each other in this public way; my niece has been calling this man "dad" for a long time now and I'm pleased that she's going to have "proof" that he's not going anywhere. She was just an infant when her dad was killed and I'm sure it's going to be a great relief to her.

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