“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Apr 15, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I read your Jan. 8 column about the warning signs of an abuser. Would you use your influence to say that men are also victims of abuse?

My son was in a three-year relationship with a woman who scored 15 out of 15 on your list. We knew it was a toxic relationship, but he couldn't see that.

The night he came to us for help, battered and bloody, I finally took a stand. It took six months to get her out of his life. My son was ashamed to be a battered man, and she had told him that men who call 911 go to jail. It kept him from calling.

Please, Abby, help to change that. If you use this, please keep me anonymous. He thinks I'm an "interfering mom," but at least he's not being abused anymore. I love him and miss him terribly.-- INTERFERING MOM

DEAR MOM: I'm glad you wrote so I can emphasize that abusers can be members of both sexes, from every economic level and sexual orientation. I received a TON of mail about this:

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for including both "he and she" in the warning signs of abusers. My second marriage was a sad and unhealthy rebound affair. My ex was attractive, talented and host to multiple addictions -- risky sexual encounters with men and women, cocaine, alcohol and marijuana. I became aware of her blackouts and outrageous behavior just before our wedding.

I finally left after two years to avoid committing a crime in response to her physical abuse, chronic infidelities, psychological cruelty and pathological intoxication. Please urge men to report their abusers, file charges and flee bad situations! I had no way of knowing what lay ahead for me back then.

Do you have advice for other men contemplating marriage to a pretty party girl? Today I'm happily married to a deeply beautiful and noble woman, and grateful to have found her.-- SET FREE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR SET FREE: I think you've stated it well. All I can add is that men who suffer physical abuse at the hands of a partner should go to an emergency room for treatment so their injuries can be documented, then file a formal complaint and end the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: Gay people need to read those warning signs because abusers abound in the gay community, too. I have gay and lesbian friends who were involved with abusers. Gay and lesbian centers offer counseling for this. LGBT people face the same problems as straights do.-- MIKE IN DAYTONA

DEAR ABBY: I spent four years in a relationship before I realized I was being abused. My lady friend pushed for a lifelong commitment within a month of our meeting, was jealous and controlling, shut my friends out, cursed and hit me on more than one occasion and, when I protested, she'd say she was "just trying to get my attention," or "I only got what I deserved." When I finally told her I was leaving, she threatened to kill me.

I have since learned that lots of men suffer psychological damage and physical danger from an abusive spouse or partner. Please inform your male readers they can get help from a skilled therapist or counselor by calling the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Apr 15, 2014
L2's ex sounds awesome. "It's Friday night, honey! Bring your girlfriend over and get some coke!"
Pops Malooney

Oak Lawn, IL

#3 Apr 15, 2014
Ever hear the phrase Man Up if so do it.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#4 Apr 15, 2014
And lw1's son still calls her "interfering" after all that? Woah....he really needs help!

I dated a guy whose ex-wife was abusive. Would just whack him in the side of the face while he was sitting in the recliner; lots of verbal abuse.
The one time he reached out to grab her arms from attacking, she calls the cops on him.
I HATE women like this and cops need to stop automatically siding with women.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#5 Apr 15, 2014
Okay, but why does LW1 say she misses her son terribly? Did he die? Did he completely cut mom out of his life? Did the ex come back and convince sonny boy it was all mom's fault?

Did he grow a pair of 'nads and decide not t let a bunch of truly awful women control hi life? Nah, not that one.

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#6 Apr 15, 2014
PEllen wrote:
Okay, but why does LW1 say she misses her son terribly? Did he die? Did he completely cut mom out of his life? Did the ex come back and convince sonny boy it was all mom's fault?
Did he grow a pair of 'nads and decide not t let a bunch of truly awful women control hi life? Nah, not that one.
Yeah! Way to leave us hanging, LW1.

“No. 1 Stunna”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Apr 15, 2014
P hit it on the head ... it's called growing a pair. It's not hard to say eff off and get the eff away from me, and you shouldn't need a list to know when that is called for.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#8 Apr 15, 2014
Abuse usually starts subtly and it erodes a person's self esteem and ability to trust their own judgement. Dismissing the victim, no matter what his or her gender, just reinforces everything that they have come to believe about their lack of worth.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#9 Apr 15, 2014
1 Abusers are losers.
Why am I being warned about profanities?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#10 Apr 15, 2014
This rehash should have been served with a side of prozac.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#11 Apr 15, 2014
Ha!
squishymama wrote:
This rehash should have been served with a side of prozac.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#12 Apr 15, 2014
PEllen wrote:
Okay, but why does LW1 say she misses her son terribly? Did he die? Did he completely cut mom out of his life? Did the ex come back and convince sonny boy it was all mom's fault?
Did he grow a pair of 'nads and decide not t let a bunch of truly awful women control hi life? Nah, not that one.
Hoping this is our glance into the future:

(a) He joined the service, reserves or was accepted as an overseas civil service worker and
will be out of the US for a few years.
(b) She (and perhaps her husband, also) haven't saved enough plane fare for their pass ports
to go visit him and cover lodging while they do.
(c) He moved to another state and has asked that his privacy be undisturbed as he starts a new life with safe friends.
or
(d) other

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