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“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Apr 26, 2013
DEAR ABBY: "Jake" and I have been married more than 20 years. I married before I was 18, and I'm not even 40 yet. Jake is seven years my senior. We have had our ups and downs, and although the last five years have been fine, I want more out of life than sitting home watching TV or hanging out with him.

We have two children. One is away at college and the other starting high school. When I talk to my husband about wanting to do things, he says I should have done them when I was younger. But I married him before I was even an adult!

Is it wrong to want to go out and do things I never got to do when I was a teenager? It makes me question whether or not I want to be married to him anymore. I still love him, but I have changed.

Jake insists we don't need counseling and I just need to get over it and accept that this is my life. What if I don't want to regret what I have never had a chance to do?-- WANTS MORE OUT WEST

DEAR WANTS MORE: I'm sorry, but you can't relive your lost teenage years.

I wish you had been more specific about what it is you want to do. If it's go out and have some fun, perhaps some of your girlfriends would like to go with you. Instead of sitting home, you and Jake could socialize with other couples. If you're into sports, why not join a women's sports team? If you're not, how about a book club? You don't have to sit around and vegetate.

You also didn't mention whether you completed high school. If you didn't receive a diploma, you would be well-served to work on earning your GED, which could widen your horizons and opportunities considerably.

DEAR ABBY: I have two daughters, 11 and 14. They fight over many things, but what gets to me is the way they fight over what television shows to watch.

My younger daughter has nightmares if she watches even mildly dramatic cop/lawyer-type shows. However, my older daughter loves them.

At home, I'd have one kid watch TV in one room and the other in the other room. However, when they're at the sitter's house, which has only one TV, they call me at work and fight over the phone over who watches what. They both accuse me of favoring the other.

How do I deal with this fairly without upsetting them? And how do I keep my younger daughter from having nightmares?-- DOING MY BEST IN KENTUCKY

DEAR DOING: Because your younger daughter has nightmares after viewing shows that create anxiety, she shouldn't be forced to do it. When they are at their sitter's, they should alternate days when each has control of the remote control. When your older girl has it, the younger one should be encouraged to read a book of her choosing and/or listen to music. When the younger one gets to do the choosing, the older one should do the same.

DEAR ABBY: Christmas and birthday gifts I will never use have accumulated around my house. I'd like to have a yard sale, but many of the items came from close friends and family. I feel guilty getting rid of them because the people who gave them to me obviously meant well. Would selling them be wrong?

One gift was from my mother. I live at home, so she will notice if I stick it in the garage sale. I can't let this extra stuff sit around. It's taking up space and I need the money for a very expensive college. But I'm afraid of people finding out that I don't want their presents. What should I do?-- DOWNSIZING IN NEW YORK

DEAR DOWNSIZING: Selling the items would not be wrong. Once a gift is given, it is yours to do with as you please. If you offer them for sale online, it will be less obvious and cause fewer hurt feelings.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 Apr 26, 2013
1 Like OMG! What do you want to do, have a pajama party? Go smoke dope? Go to a Hall & Oats concert?

2 How flipping hard is it to tell them to alternate and or read a fricking book. You are letting them control you "Remotely", grow a spine before they start smoking and drinking and whorrring.

3 Kid, your in college, save the sheit till your thirty, you may have a different view of what is trash and what is treasure.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Apr 26, 2013
L1: Don't care.

L2: Don't care.

L3: You need the money for a very expensive college? YOur yard sale will at best net you a few hundred bucks. That'll last you a couple of months at school. It's not that big of a deal.

I think it's weird for an 18yo living at home to have enough junk to have a yard sale.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#4 Apr 26, 2013
Lw1: Leave his a$$ at home watching TV and go do the things you want.

Lw2: Turn off the effing TV.

Lw3: Consignment shop.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#5 Apr 26, 2013
L1: WTF, Abby? GED? That is totally random.

L2: Why the eff are an 11yo and 14yo at a sitter's house???

L3: Ang, why do you think the LW is 18?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Apr 26, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
L1: WTF, Abby? GED? That is totally random.
L2: Why the eff are an 11yo and 14yo at a sitter's house???
L3: Ang, why do you think the LW is 18?
She got hitched before 18. Dude is 7 yrs older. She has kids in college. He likely knocked her up while she was in school, so I think its very possible she dropped out of school. GED is a legitimate question

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#7 Apr 26, 2013
squishymama wrote:
Lw1: Leave his a$$ at home watching TV and go do the things you want.
Lw2: Turn off the effing TV.
Lw3: Consignment shop.
Carpal tunnel prevention.
Yep
Yep
Yep

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#8 Apr 26, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
L3: Ang, why do you think the LW is 18?
Only because she mentions needing money for college. I guess she also could be 19, 20.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#9 Apr 26, 2013
squishymama wrote:
Lw1: Leave his a$$ at home watching TV and go do the things you want.
Lw2: Turn off the effing TV.
Lw3: Consignment shop.
THumbs up to all of this.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#10 Apr 26, 2013
You know, if my brother nd I fought over a TV show, my mom or dad would turn the TV off as well. WHy has this mother not thought to ban TV? And why isn't the sitter controlling the situation?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#11 Apr 26, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
She got hitched before 18. Dude is 7 yrs older. She has kids in college. He likely knocked her up while she was in school, so I think its very possible she dropped out of school. GED is a legitimate question
I had a coworker who got knocked up at 17 by her 25yo married boyfriend. He got divorced (had two kids with that wife), married her, they had two kids together.(She did finish HS.)

She became a grandma at 37.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#12 Apr 26, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
L1: WTF, Abby? GED? That is totally random.
L2: Why the eff are an 11yo and 14yo at a sitter's house???
L3: Ang, why do you think the LW is 18?
I suspect it's during that time after school but before mom gets home and during the summer.

I'd call my MIL my sitter, if she wasn't, you know, my MIL.
:D

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#13 Apr 26, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
I had a coworker who got knocked up at 17 by her 25yo married boyfriend. He got divorced (had two kids with that wife), married her, they had two kids together.(She did finish HS.)
She became a grandma at 37.
I became a mom at 37.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#14 Apr 26, 2013
LW2- how about saying no tv while at the sitter's? That solves everything.

My MIL thinks we are horrible people because we won't let our kids watch tv about half of the time we are there. Our boys are actually able to entertain themselves and play creatively when the tv is off. My nephew, however, watches tv and movies all afternoon while she sits in the other room. He gets mad when the tv is off and bugs the heck out of all the adults because he doesn't know how to keep himself occupied.

Kids don't need that much tv.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#15 Apr 26, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
L2: Why the eff are an 11yo and 14yo at a sitter's house???
18?
If the mom is gone during dinnertime, is gone for a long period of time or lives in an unsafe neighborhood, then it makes sense that she wants her kids supervised by an adult instead of being left to their own devices. It's not so much that a 14 year old can't take care of herself, but her 11 year old sister is not going to respect her authority.
animaniactoo

New York, NY

#16 Apr 26, 2013
LW1 - "Well I didn't have the opportunity then, but I'll be damned if that means I'm just going forget about it and never do it. Love for you to join me, but if you won't - See ya later, I'll be out with..."

LW2 - Seriously? Abby had to tell you this? The only thing I can truly think of is that A) If the sitter isn't handling this, you need another sitter because this one sucks, and B) If the sitter only has one place for the kids to be, and that's in front of the TV, whether they're watching it or not, you need another sitter because this one sucks.

LW3 - Mass e-mail: "Hi all. I've been fortunate to get many generous gifts from you over the years, and I have loved having them, but unfortunately don't have room to keep them where I'm going, and wanted to head off any hurt feelings. I'm going to sell some of them to reduce the amount of stuff I have and help finance my education and my future and I truly appreciate that I even have this option with all of what I have. So, if you see something you got me up for sale, I want you to know it isn't because I didn't like it and haven't enjoyed having it and I hope you understand. Thanks and love to all."

But, fwiw, you might get a better price on e-bay or craigslist than you will at a yardsale.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#17 Apr 26, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
I suspect it's during that time after school but before mom gets home and during the summer.
My point is why do kids at the ages of 11 and 14 need a sitter at all?

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#18 Apr 26, 2013
ScarletandOlive wrote:
<quoted text>
If the mom is gone during dinnertime, is gone for a long period of time or lives in an unsafe neighborhood, then it makes sense that she wants her kids supervised by an adult instead of being left to their own devices. It's not so much that a 14 year old can't take care of herself, but her 11 year old sister is not going to respect her authority.
I hadn't seen this when I posted my last comment, but unless they live in some sort of war zone and the baby-sitter is really a bodyguard, I still don't get it. Kids who are those ages ARE the baby-sitters.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#19 Apr 26, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
I hadn't seen this when I posted my last comment, but unless they live in some sort of war zone and the baby-sitter is really a bodyguard, I still don't get it. Kids who are those ages ARE the baby-sitters.
With siblings, it's different. They fight.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#20 Apr 26, 2013
We were home alone after school start when I was 12 and my brother was 9. We called my mom all the time fighting over the TV. I don't know how she put up with it, but they didn't handle it the best, but paying a sitter didn't occur to them (who was going to watch us, the HS kid next door?).

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