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1 - 20 of 22 Comments Last updated Mar 20, 2014
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Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#1 Mar 20, 2014
Dear Amy: My partner and I often commiserate on the questions in your column and find them "entertaining." Now I have a question for you.

My partner is the eldest in a family of five daughters and one brother. Her brother's wife, "Madame X," is fairly close to the family (she has hosted parties; we've stayed at their home, etc.).

The other four sisters have hosted very successful sister weekends without including Madame X.(Madame X is one of three sisters herself, and all live locally.) There seems to be some resentment toward Madame X, bordering on jealousy (or something similar to it).

The latest sisters' weekend is planned for this summer, and Madame X has made it known via her husband that she feels slighted that she has not been invited.

We are all confused about this, and my partner is not sure what to do.

I was wondering if you could use your analytical skills to broker some type of suggestion that all sisters could agree upon.

My partner is the more laid-back type but even she does not want Madame X to join them, as she feels it is strictly for the blood sisters only.— Confused Partner

Dear Partner: As the sister to two (and sister-in-law to 10 more), my analytical skills tell me that there is absolutely no answer that five sisters will agree upon. Each sister is responsible for her own behavior.

The idea that these women hold unfounded negative views and act as a sort of sibling monolith is hurtful and makes things worse for "Madame X." This is not behavior to be proud of. She has obviously picked up on the sisterly negativity and is responding by passively asking her husband to deliver her message.

If your partner posed this question, I would tell her to behave with personal integrity and at least own her attitude and choice. She should contact her sister-in-law personally and be brave enough to say, "This is awkward, but I understand from my brother that you are upset not to be included in our sister weekends. Is that true?"

She should listen with a neutral attitude. Then, if appropriate, she should say, "I realize this is upsetting. I know you feel excluded. But I hope you can understand that we see these weekends as opportunities for we birth sisters to spend time together and that it truly is nothing personal."

Dear Amy: I have two friends who have designated their dogs to be "emotional support dogs."

I guess it is becoming a "thing" now in Southern California. This allows the dogs to go on airplanes, into restaurants, etc.— basically anywhere the women go.

I am having a difficult time being around these women, as I know it is a convenience for them rather than a legitimate "service dog," and they both have attitudes about it. Suggestions?— Agrrrravated

Dear Agrrrrravated: These women are going to need their dogs more and more for emotional support if they lose their human friendships over their desire/need to have their dogs with them at all times.

But here's the thing: They're doing it. It's happening. The choice you face is to think long and hard about this reality and decide whether you can accept their canine companions — or leave the relationships. You telling them they have an "attitude" isn't going to make any difference.

If this infringes so much on your personal space that you cannot adjust, then you owe it to these friends to admit it and tell them the reason you don't want to spend time with them is because your relationship has really gone to the dogs.

Dear Amy: Regarding "Very Tired," the woman writing about her guy that threw things — he may have undiagnosed ADD and/or may be "on spectrum." Getting screened might help explain the negativity and the "not trying hard enough." If that's how his brain is wired, he's probably frustrated also, which can lead to anxiety and depression. Meds can help some people, though not everyone.

My hubby was diagnosed at age 49.— R

Dear R: There could be any number of reasons for this man's behavior. I hope he chooses to be screened.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#2 Mar 20, 2014
LW1: They probably don’t approve of the fact that “Madame X” is a dominatrix.

MYOB. It doesn't concern you.

LW2: Find friends who annoy you less or better yet, don’t sweat the small stuff.

LW3: Or maybe, he’s just an a-hole. Who throws shyte when they are mad?

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#3 Mar 20, 2014
L1: First of all, I hate your writing style. Second of all, I don't see what's so weird about 5 sisters wanting to get together to do sister stuff without inviting their SIL. Tell Madame X (lame alias, btw) to do stuff with her own sisters.

L2: Really Gloria!

L3: Yes, let's make excuses for violence.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#4 Mar 20, 2014
L1: I could not do that to one of my SIL's without an excellent reason and I have not read one here.

L2: I love animals but even to me this is over the top. Good advice b/c what else can you do?

L3: It might be that he's just jerk and a potential abuser. Definitely immature.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#5 Mar 20, 2014
As long as the dog is housebroken, why does this matter to LW2?

Glance into the Future on LW1:

Madame X
(a) called LW1 when the sisters were away and demanded LW1 treat her to an expensive dinner, movie and spa treatment.
(b) called LW1 crying and whining about the situation.
(c) got her husband to barbecue chicken and steaks in the backyard and invited the partners of the sisters to have a nice barbeque dinner
and watch a movie or sports.
or
(d) other

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#6 Mar 20, 2014
1- I can't understand what's going on. Why have the letter writers been gay lately?

2- People like this annoy me to, but fortunately around here it's not becoming a "thing." Find new friends
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#7 Mar 20, 2014
Correction to (c) above:

Or did Madame X

(c) get her husband to barbeque chicken, steaks and burgers in the backyard for the husbands, boyfriends, partners and friends of the
sisters who were away for the weekend.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#8 Mar 20, 2014
1. Tell Madame X that she is NOT one of the sisters, therefore NOT invited. If her feelings get hurt, buy her a support dog.

2. Get yourself a support monkey. That should teach your friends.

3. He throws things so he may have ADD. Does that mean anyone who has a temper tantrum has ADD. Finally, an excuse everyone can use.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 Mar 20, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
LW3:...Who throws shyte when they are mad?
My 8 year old.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#10 Mar 20, 2014
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
My 8 year old.
I should have said what adult.

My kids don't throw stuff when they are mad and never have They are more mouthy than physical.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#11 Mar 20, 2014
_Annabella_ wrote:
1. Tell Madame X that she is NOT one of the sisters, therefore NOT invited. If her feelings get hurt, buy her a support dog.
and throw something at her

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#12 Mar 20, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
L1: First of all, I hate your writing style. Second of all, I don't see what's so weird about 5 sisters wanting to get together to do sister stuff without inviting their SIL. Tell Madame X (lame alias, btw) to do stuff with her own sisters.
L2: Really Gloria!
L3: Yes, let's make excuses for violence.
I thought of Gloria, too!

That really irks me. Leave your dog home. Don't make up fake excuses to bring them everywhere. Thr only dogs that dhould be allowed to do that are true service dogs. Not dogs whose owners can't bear to leave wittle fluffy home alone. And I DON'T want to see your 3 dogs in the grocery cart at Winn Dixie. That's just gross!

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#13 Mar 20, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I should have said what adult.
My kids don't throw stuff when they are mad and never have They are more mouthy than physical.
I didn't think mine were the type either until very recently. Lulu started playing with this thing called a Perplexus which is a ball with a puzzle inside.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perplexus

She got so mad at it the other night that she threw it, kicked it, tried to stomp on it then wanted to take a hammer to it and insisted that I throw it away. We had a long talk about how distruction of property was not an appropriate response to frustration.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#14 Mar 20, 2014
" As the sister to two (and sister-in-law to 10 more),"

Amy is one of 13 kids!? Holy cr*p.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#15 Mar 20, 2014
PEllen wrote:
" As the sister to two (and sister-in-law to 10 more),"
Amy is one of 13 kids!? Holy cr*p.
Maybe a few are her husband's sisters?

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#16 Mar 20, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
Maybe a few are her husband's sisters?
That's what I was thinking.

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#17 Mar 20, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
I thought of Gloria, too!
That really irks me. Leave your dog home. Don't make up fake excuses to bring them everywhere. Thr only dogs that dhould be allowed to do that are true service dogs. Not dogs whose owners can't bear to leave wittle fluffy home alone. And I DON'T want to see your 3 dogs in the grocery cart at Winn Dixie. That's just gross!
The Publix I go to is on Palm Beach island (no, I do not live on the island!) and I see little accessory dogs in there all the time. On the flip side, I once combined walking my dog with a quick pop into the convenience store in the ground floor of my building, and I was all set to apologize but the clerk thought my dog was adorable and had no problem with me bringing her in.

I'm a dog lover, so it doesn't bother me personally to see dogs everywhere, but I also don't agree with people abusing the system (registering a dog as a service animal just to be able to take them places) or rich people who just don't give a sh1t making their own rules.
pde

Bothell, WA

#18 Mar 20, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I should have said what adult.
My kids don't throw stuff when they are mad and never have They are more mouthy than physical.
My kid likes the whole door-slamming thing.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#19 Mar 20, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
The Publix I go to is on Palm Beach island (no, I do not live on the island!) and I see little accessory dogs in there all the time. On the flip side, I once combined walking my dog with a quick pop into the convenience store in the ground floor of my building, and I was all set to apologize but the clerk thought my dog was adorable and had no problem with me bringing her in.
I'm a dog lover, so it doesn't bother me personally to see dogs everywhere, but I also don't agree with people abusing the system (registering a dog as a service animal just to be able to take them places) or rich people who just don't give a sh1t making their own rules.
It does bother me. But more because of the thumbing the nose at the rules than anything. And that, somehow, it's just the cool thing to do.

We stopped at CVS yesterday and someone tird thre dog outside for a minute (not where it could get into the lot) to run inside. The dog looked JUST like my dog (a Heinz 57, but probably mostly corgi and beagle) and I almost went into the store just to find the owner and ask what kind of dog it was. It could have been my dog's littermate.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#20 Mar 20, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
L1: First of all, I hate your writing style. Second of all, I don't see what's so weird about 5 sisters wanting to get together to do sister stuff without inviting their SIL. Tell Madame X (lame alias, btw) to do stuff with her own sisters.
.
Agree with everything.
Sisters can have get-togethers without all in-laws. It seems like there is enough activitiy with her. Annoying.

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