Posted in the Chicago Forum
Since: Jun 09
#1 Dec 30, 2012
DEAR ABBY: My sister, the mother of three boys, is now unable to take care of them. My family is asking me and my new husband to take them in.
To me it's a no-brainer -- something I'd do in a heartbeat. My husband refuses! He says that if we do, we'll never have children of our own. I feel like I'm being forced to choose between my husband and my nephews. What would you do?-- PULLED IN TWO IN CINCINNATI
DEAR PULLED IN TWO: I'd keep talking to my husband about it, and find out why he thinks that taking in your nephews would prevent you from having children of your own. As a newly married man, he may be feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of having three boys to raise and support -- so he can't imagine having another child with you.
Do not let the subject rest until you have the answers to all of your questions. If the reasons are financial, perhaps he'd be more open to the idea if the rest of the family is willing to chip in. If that's not the case, then you will have some serious choices to make.
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my wonderful wife for 35 years. Friends have said they wish they could have a relationship like ours, but an interloper has come between us, interfering with our ability to communicate.
Her cellphone has taken over her life. She's constantly playing word games with 12 different friends, texting, etc. It starts first thing in the morning and lasts into the night. I returned my cellphone after two weeks when I saw the writing on the wall.
My wife and I used to sit together and have nice conversations. Now they are interrupted by weird noises when her phone announces she has another text.
I took a friend on a fishing trip to Mexico, and his phone never left his palm. Is this my future?-- MISSING FACE TIME IN ARIZONA
DEAR MISSING: Yes, unless you are able to negotiate an agreed-upon period of time during which you are your wife's first priority and her cellphone is turned off. As to your fishing buddy, either accept that he has a new toy, or cast around for someone who is less technology-addicted to join you next time.
DEAR ABBY: After two years of dating, my girlfriend, "Noelle," and I have become engaged. I asked for her father's blessing, and after first telling me he wanted a few weeks to think about it, he said yes. He then complained because he thought I'd ask him "somewhere with less distractions." (We were at the house, alone. He was sitting on the couch and I was in a chair.) I think he was just looking for something to gripe about.
After receiving his blessing, I proposed. Her dad says he's happy for us, but keeps acting like the wedding is years away. We have set a date for nine months from now, but he won't even discuss the budget. He calls Noelle and tells her who he wants her to invite, but seems surprised to find out it costs money. He's breaking her heart.
I am buying a condo, so I don't have much money available, but I have offered to help as much as I can. It's killing Noelle to have her father act this way. He is complaining about being forced to take out a loan. Is there anything I can do to get him to realize he's ruining this for his daughter?-- STRESSED-OUT GROOM, REDWOOD CITY, CALIF.
DEAR STRESSED OUT: Probably not, but you could relieve the stress on everyone by talking Noelle into a romantic elopement.
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#2 Dec 30, 2012
1- Way to foist three children on a man you just married.
2- You've been married for 35 years. What the hell do you still have to talk about?
3- Go with the elopement.
#3 Dec 30, 2012
1: Sorry, but Abby's advise sounds like it's take the kids or else! The man has a say; it's not HIS sister's kids and he's JUST married. Cut him some slack.
Why can't mom do it? Where is the dad? Grandparents?
I am not faulting a man who is hesitant about opening his arms and home for this; it's a huge undertaking, and he's being practical, thinking having their own (4th! or more) in the house is uncool.
2: I hate cell phones for this reason: they ruin communication. I think having it is fine but the lady is putting it over her marriage to a man who seems to enjoy spending time with her. She needs to grow up and stop acting like a middle schooler.
If the man paying is being a brat, find a new way without him. Simple.
Since: Mar 09
#4 Dec 30, 2012
L1: I guess discussing the possibility of taking in family members should happen before getting married. I see both sides of this and maybe with other family members' help, a compromise can be reached.
L2: Your wife and your friend are being rude, IMO. Checking your phone here and there is vastly different from being glued to it 24/7. Try having an honest conversation with your wife about how this hurts your feelings, maybe she'll change. The friend... you should probably just make new ones. Not saying you should necessarily end the friendship but just know that his phone addiction comes with the territory and prepare yourself accordingly.
L3: He wanted a few WEEKS to think about it? And that didn't strike you as a reg flag? Your comment about the budget makes me think this is mostly, if not all, about money, not truly her dad's blessing. And he can probably smell it on you and that's why he's acting like this. Pay for your own wedding.
#5 Dec 30, 2012
LW1: Three boys? You have a new husband and you want to take in THREE boys? Have you ever taken care of three boys? That was my second babysitting job when I was 16. The kids were 9, 7, and 4 and they were a handful. And people ask me why I don't have kids... I get that you love your sister and your nephews, but you need to think long and hard before you try to take on your sister's responsibility.
LW2: I never thought I would use my cell phone as much as I do, but I turn it off or put it away when I go out. I notice that most people do not.
LW3: Nicole's dad seems a few fries short of a Happy Meal, but you can leave him out of the wedding planning entirely and have a very simple wedding with family and close friends. Pay for it yourself. If you can't afford it, plan a longer engagement or elope.
Since: Feb 08
#6 Dec 30, 2012
Re:LW1- I'd get an annulment and take the boys.
But that's just me, no man is more important than children I love. Not even Bear, but he'd be packing their stuff up and buying them new beds before I could even clear a room.
I have NEVER in my life turned a child away from my door, and probably never will. Blood matters not.
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