“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Jun 25, 2013
DEAR AMY: I’ve shared much of my life’s journey with my friend,“Karen.” I introduced her to her husband,“Jerry,” and Jerry in turn introduced me to my husband. We are all very close friends, and our kids are the same age.

Several months ago Karen had an affair. Jerry knows about the affair (so does most of the town she lives in) and insists that he is okay with it.
Karen found out she is pregnant. There is a 50-50 chance Jerry is the biological father. She and Jerry know this, but I take issue with the fact that they are trying to force the idea that Jerry has to be the biological dad. For instance, they show me pictures of the ultrasound and ask,“Doesn’t it look like a mini-Jerry?!”

It looks like a blob, as most ultrasounds do, and I don’t really care who the biological dad of this baby is. I will love it no matter what. I am tired of being asked to reaffirm something as fact that I have no way of knowing is fact. How do I tell her that she doesn’t have to convince me of anything?-- Tired of Mini-Jerry

DEAR TIRED: You seem to have a sort of sister status with “Karen,” meaning that she and her husband have shared extremely intimate details of their personal life with you.

Make one gentle statement of affirmation. You say,“Karen, I hope you realize that we aren’t judging you or Jerry. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, least of all me. We will welcome this child into the fold no matter what.”

And then you drop it. They have other children, and you should be sensitive to their wishes.

DEAR AMY: My husband and I have been married for 38 years. He met a woman several years ago, and I recently found out that they have been corresponding. In fact, he has a post office box where he receives his mail. I am 60. She is half my age.

What do you think of a married man who is out of town on business, flies home, stays in a hotel around the airport, rents a car and then drives to the state where this female “friend” lives and spends a week there all without the knowledge of his wife? He says that they are just friends, but a month ago he served me with divorce papers.

I don’t believe or trust him. I want to bring this “friend” into the mess that this divorce will become. I also have several receipts for “gifts” that he sent this person and charged to his business account for tax purposes.

I am really having a hard time with this divorce issue and think about reconciliation. My friends say it is time to cut my losses. What do you think I should do?-- Depressed Wife

DEAR WIFE: What you should do is get yourself a good lawyer and a therapist. Your husband’s adultery might not have the impact (legally) that you expect. No-fault divorce seems to have taken the sting out of adultery disclosures. An attorney will advise you on the laws where you live and also about the impact of his financial choices and your options.

If your husband has already delivered divorce papers, he is 10 steps ahead of you. From this point forward, you will be wrangling not over his behavior but over money and property. And yes, I agree that he has done you wrong.

DEAR AMY: You gave good advice to “Their Other Mother,” and I would like to add to it. This woman was dealing with the fallout from a birth mother who had effectively abandoned her kids.

She should consult a lawyer who specializes in family law. My niece and her husband found a lawyer who helped them terminate the birth mother’s parental rights and helped my niece adopt her stepchildren. This way, if anything happens to her husband, there will be no question that my niece retains custody.-- Aunt J

DEAR AUNT: Good counsel. Thank you.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Jun 25, 2013
L1: As if seeing ultrasound pictures wasn't boring and pointless enough, now they are doing THIS? I think Amy gave good advice.

Note to self: If I cheat on my husband, use protection.

L2: Hellz yeah get an attorney. Because he spent *marital* money on the woman dumb enough to help grandpa cheat on his wife.

L3: EXCEPT SHE WASN'T THEIR OTHER MOTHER. She wasn't even LIVING with the guy. She was his GIRLFRIEND. So your advice doesn't even apply here. Sheesh.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#3 Jun 25, 2013
2- Yeesh. Maybe of you weren't such an Arctic, bitter BTCH! your husband wouldn't have been forced into the arms of another woman and served you with divorce papers.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Jun 25, 2013
1 If you cant help them keep up the charade then dont play.

2 Yes, continue to try and reconcile, while your at it keep your head in the sand.

3 Well, if the original LW was married to the dude, that might actually be good advice, but since she aint, it's totally useless advice

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Jun 25, 2013
LW1: I think you need something more reflective of how you really feel: "Would you *please* shut up about this. I don't give a f*ck who's the baby daddy."

LW2: Save it for the lawyer.

LW3: Oh look! Advice to get a lawyer.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#6 Jun 25, 2013
LW1: Tell her:“It looks like a blob, as most ultrasounds do, and I don’t really care who the biological dad of this baby is”.

LW2: Wow were you naive. Talk to a lawyer, not Amy.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#7 Jun 25, 2013
L1: It sound like the LW is close enough just to tell the woman out-right that she really doesn't care where the baby came from.

L2: This LW is in major fantasyland. Get a lawyer. The best hard-nosed one you can find.

L3: Well, anyone can fight anything and if the judge or the lawyer wasn't any good you can get that shyte overturned.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#8 Jun 25, 2013
L3. The only thing attoneys really specialize in is the almighty dollar.
I was just talking a few minutes ago with one of my friends about all the arm twisting that the law does behind our backs.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#9 Jun 25, 2013
1: Looks like somebody's going to be moving to a new trailer park soon.

2: Get a good lawyer kid, it's over.

3: Yeah...yeah....have a nice rehash.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#10 Jun 25, 2013
loose cannon wrote:
L3. The only thing attoneys really specialize in is the almighty dollar.
I was just talking a few minutes ago with one of my friends about all the arm twisting that the law does behind our backs.
Yeah, those lawyers. Keeps the orthopds and radiologists in business repairing the torn rotator cuffs from all that arm twisting.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#11 Jun 25, 2013
I like lawyers. Some are horrible. MOst are okay.

Since: May 13

Marina, CA

#12 Jun 25, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
2- Yeesh. Maybe of you weren't such an Arctic, bitter BTCH! your husband wouldn't have been forced into the arms of another woman and served you with divorce papers.
FORCED into the arms of another woman? There is NO excuse for cheating on your spouse and that goes for both L1 and L2. Dragging a third party into your boredom, restlessness, grass-is-greener mentality or whatever is not fair to anyone and is destined to cause unnecessary drama and complications. If you are unhappy, get out and THEN go find the hottie of your dreams.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#13 Jun 25, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
FORCED into the arms of another woman? There is NO excuse for cheating on your spouse and that goes for both L1 and L2. Dragging a third party into your boredom, restlessness, grass-is-greener mentality or whatever is not fair to anyone and is destined to cause unnecessary drama and complications. If you are unhappy, get out and THEN go find the hottie of your dreams.
I agree. Setting up a soft landing is cowardly.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#14 Jun 25, 2013
LW2: You "think about reconciliation"? WHAT PLANET ARE YOU LIVING ON, lady? Your husband has been cheating on you for years and is Divorcing You. There is *nothing* left to "reconcile. Jebus, how stupid ARE you?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#15 Jun 25, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L2: Hellz yeah get an attorney. Because he spent *marital* money on the woman dumb enough to help grandpa cheat on his wife.
How was the other woman dumb? She got some married old dude to spend his marital cash on her. Seems pretty crafty.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#16 Jun 25, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> How was the other woman dumb? She got some married old dude to spend his marital cash on her. Seems pretty crafty.
True.

I wonder if she's thrilled to be getting the husband, or whethershe's having an "oh sht this isn't what I planned on" moment.

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