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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jun 5, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mother of two amazing boys, 16 and 12. While my older son has been private about coming into puberty, my younger son is very open about it, and we have had many conversations about it. Abby, I'll be honest. The subject makes me uncomfortable.

Last night I walked into my 12-year-old's room and interrupted him pleasuring himself. I was shocked, and I started to laugh because I was embarrassed. I did tell him he needed to be more private about his curiosity, to close the door and have a blanket over himself. But I was laughing when I was talking to him and literally could not stop.

I'm unsure what is the right course of action at this point. Where do I go from here?-- EMBARRASSED MOM

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Masturbation is natural. Every healthy, normal person has done it. It is not depraved, a crime or harmful to one's health.

Your son is now at an age when it is appropriate for Mom to knock before entering his room out of respect for his privacy. So: Apologize to your son for laughing. Explain that it was because you were embarrassed.

If your children's father is in the picture (or another male relative), a man-to-man talk about this could be helpful. If there isn't one, consult your sons' pediatrician for suggestions on how to discuss sexuality with both of your boys. If you haven't already done so, the time has arrived.

DEAR ABBY: My brother, three sisters and their husbands and children and I go to our parents' house for holiday dinners. My youngest sister's husband refuses to go because he doesn't get along with our family.(He also does not get along with his own family.)

Before my youngest sister leaves, she insists on taking a plate of food home for her husband who was "unable to be there." I feel if he doesn't want to be with our family, he shouldn't be allowed to have takeout. Our mother is 82, and it upsets her that he doesn't want to be there. What do you think?-- RESENTFUL

DEAR RESENTFUL: If your brother-in-law can't get along with the family, he is doing everyone a favor by not attending those family dinners. Because your mother finds his absence upsetting, it is up to her to put her foot down and tell your sister she doesn't want food taken to him. Until she does, food deliveries will continue.

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am disgusted with people who answer their cellphones wherever and whenever.

I was at a funeral last week where this twit answered her cellphone while viewing the deceased in his casket. She was literally kneeling beside the casket when her phone rang, and she carried on a conversation with the caller for a full three minutes. I timed it!

I know some people may think this is funny or no big deal. I suggest that those who feel that way should learn manners. Unless you're a doctor or some other emergency caretaker, there is no reason to take a call while in the company of others.-- MICHAEL IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR MICHAEL: I agree. When attending a funeral or a memorial, cellphones should be turned off out of respect not only for the deceased, but for the others around you.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Jun 5, 2013
L1: Laughing? And he didn't have the door closed? What is wrong with you?

L2: I actually agree with you. No food for the person who refuses to come. Sometimes my boyfriend and I will go out to eat with his youngest, and the oldest wants to stay home and be alone with video games for an hour. He knows that if he doesn't join us, he doesn't get food brought back to him. He's fine with that.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Jun 5, 2013
1 MOMMMMMMMMMM!

2 If you aint cooking it shaddup.

3 Where do these clueless asshats live? I have never seen such a thing
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#4 Jun 5, 2013
LW3: Unfortunately, I am sure this happens more often than not. If you are in a place where it is inapproproate to pick up the phone, leave it in the car. I do that for church all the time. Movies, too.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#5 Jun 5, 2013
L1: Door open, just fapping away? That kid is going places in life.

L2: What Abby said. Whoever makes the food makes the rules.

L3: Was just at the doctor's office and some guy had an obnoxious country song for a ringtone. Full blast. Then he answered it, as he was talking to the receptionist, even though there are signs advising people to put their phones away when at the reception desk.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#6 Jun 5, 2013
LW1: I think you did just fine. Talk to him again and apologize for the nervous giggling and reiterate the advice you already gave him.

LW2: "I feel if he doesn't want to be with our family, he shouldn't be allowed to have takeout. Our mother is 82, and it upsets her that he doesn't want to be there."

This food thing seems to be your problem, so don't try and blame this on your mom.

And don't you all take home food after a big holiday dinner? My family has taken to have take-out boxes ready for packing after we've all eaten. You seem to want to punish this guy for not behaving exactly the way you'd like him to.

LW3: "Unless you're a doctor or some other emergency caretaker, there is no reason to take a call while in the company of others."

F*ck you. Just because some people don't know when it's appropriate to talk on the phone does not mean that EVERYONE needs to be treated like a kindergartener.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#7 Jun 5, 2013
L1: I think the kid can take the laughing. Hopefully he'll start shutting the door.

L2: It sounds like this LW wants to engage the sister in a fight about her BIL. What is the BFD about a plate of food? So the jerk doesn't like anyone. Would you rather have him THERE?

L3: Another example of how stupid people can be.

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#8 Jun 5, 2013
L2: It's a small price to pay to not have someone there that doesn't get along with anyone. How many letters have we seen about ahole relatives that cause problems at family gatherings. Bring him some food. Tell mom her blood pressure will be better if he stays home.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Jun 5, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>lw2: who says he's the jerk. Comsidering how petty she's being, maybe the rest are like her and he got tired of dealing with them.
Could be. While I realize it was the SIL who sounds like a snot herself saying HIS family doesn't get along with him either. That made me think he might not be that great.

I can only go by what they say. I have on many occasions made wild assumptions, but this time I don't think I did that.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 Jun 5, 2013
dahgts wrote:
L2: It's a small price to pay to not have someone there that doesn't get along with anyone. How many letters have we seen about ahole relatives that cause problems at family gatherings. Bring him some food. Tell mom her blood pressure will be better if he stays home.
Good point.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Union, NJ

#13 Jun 5, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>lw2: who says he's the jerk. Comsidering how petty she's being, maybe the rest are like her and he got tired of dealing with them.
He doesn't get along with his own family either. Yeah, HE'S fine, everyone else is a jerk.

Since: May 13

Marina, CA

#14 Jun 5, 2013
LW1: Nervous giggling is probably a normal reaction to the situation. I'm with squishymama on this one.

LW2: You are feeling resentful over a plate of leftovers? Check yourself!

LW3: When I first got a cellphone, I promised myself that I wouldn't be one of those people chatting away in public. I have lightened up on that a lot since then, but I still do not keep my phone on when I am out with friends or at an event. That's why we have voice mail. Leave a message, I'll get back to you when I am free. My good friend is a doctor. She keeps her phone on, but in silent mode.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#15 Jun 5, 2013
Resentful doesn't like that absentee BIL gets a plate of food.

Her MIL doesn't like that BIL is absentee.

The question was what Abby thought.

Someone above said that it is much better not to have a surly sulky person who doesn't get along with anyone present. I agree. Pretend he works the evening shift.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Union, NJ

#16 Jun 5, 2013
PEllen wrote:
Someone above said that it is much better not to have a surly sulky person who doesn't get along with anyone present. I agree. Pretend he works the evening shift.
Him not being there isn't the issue. The issue is packing him a to go box. He's too good to hang with the family, but not too good to eat their food? He wants the dinner, just not the company? Screw that.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Union, NJ

#17 Jun 5, 2013
squishymama wrote:
LW3: "Unless you're a doctor or some other emergency caretaker, there is no reason to take a call while in the company of others."
F*ck you. Just because some people don't know when it's appropriate to talk on the phone does not mean that EVERYONE needs to be treated like a kindergartener.
Who's treating him like a kindergartener? And if you don't know that answering your phone while kneeling in front of a casket is innapropriate, you're an idiot.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#18 Jun 5, 2013
I'm softening on this now (thanks Squishy and PE): Maybe consider it to be a favor you're doing for your sister/daughter, rather than a favor for the BIL.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#19 Jun 5, 2013
Most of us have family members, I believe, that we wish would get a to-go plate instead of attending the family gatherings.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#20 Jun 5, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Who's treating him like a kindergartener? And if you don't know that answering your phone while kneeling in front of a casket is innapropriate, you're an idiot.
The LW states that unless you belong to a very select group of people, you should never answer your phone when in the company of other people. Basically, because ONE person is an idiot, we must ALL be treated like idiots (or as I said, kindergarteners).

I am perfectly capable of determining when it is appropriate for ME to answer the phone and it is not up to some offended azzhole to make the rules for me.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#21 Jun 5, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I'm softening on this now (thanks Squishy and PE): Maybe consider it to be a favor you're doing for your sister/daughter, rather than a favor for the BIL.
Exactly.

We have no idea why this person won't come, but the LW's family has clearly decided this guy is a class A jerk and can't understand why the sister married this guy in the first place. But it's not their place to judge that or punish her because her husband isn't behaving exactly the way they want him to.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#22 Jun 5, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Him not being there isn't the issue. The issue is packing him a to go box. He's too good to hang with the family, but not too good to eat their food? He wants the dinner, just not the company? Screw that.
Who said he was too good to hang with the family?
1.This could be the family that requires everyone to pray before meals and he figures it is easier to not be there than fight that fight every time.
2. He could be a sound Republican Conservative and her family a bunch of flaming Liberals . Or vice versa
3. His MIL could have a couple of pug dogs who beg at table and are undisciplined which makes him gag.
None of which suggests he thinks he is too good for them, just that attending is distasteful

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