Posted in the Chicago Forum
#1 Jul 28, 2013
Dear Amy: My very nonreligious (raised Jewish) husband and his son recently decided they want my husband to perform the ceremony at his son's wedding. So my husband went online, filled out a form, paid a fee and now he is apparently an ordained minister and can marry people.
He heard that sometimes clergy members are upgraded to first class on airplanes. He went online and bought several shirts with clerical collars and is planning to wear them on the plane when he flies in the hope that he will get an upgrade.
Correct me if I'm mistaken, but I thought that it is Christian clergy that wear clerical collars.
For the last 20 years I can't tell you how many times my husband has made disparaging remarks about Christians. I find this whole thing with the collars and upgrade to be highly unethical, and I think he is trying to present himself as something he's not.
What do you think? Disgusted
Dear Disgusted: Your husband should imagine an anti-Semite donning traditional Orthodox garb and basically making a mockery of both faiths; that's how offensive his behavior is. His online clergy status might be basically legitimate, but the task of marrying someone is no joke, and it shouldn't be treated like one.
I contacted a major airline about this legendary "upgrade" issue and was told they are not aware of this as an official policy, though you can assume that some upgrade opportunities are made unofficially and spontaneously at the gate.
You should be honest with your husband about how wrong and unethical this is. And then you should not give him any further attention for this stunt.
The next time you fly, if your husband pulls out his clerical collar, tell him, "Way to stay classy, honey." And then go about your business, go to your assigned seat and hope that no one on the flight assumes you are together. Your husband should also hope that no one on the flight needs actual, authentic religious assistance. Imagine the "hilarity" that would ensue.
Dear Amy: My husband of 10 years still wears his old wedding ring on his right hand. He wears his wedding ring from our marriage on his left. He says he just likes the old one and it feels good.
I've asked him several times throughout the years to take it off because he's no longer married to that woman. That marriage ended on a bad note since she was unfaithful, and he hasn't seen her in several years. What else can I do to get him to take the ring off and leave it off? Hurt Wife
Dear Hurt: On your next anniversary, you could give your husband a band similar to the one he's wearing on his right hand.
Tell him, "It's time to take off your old ring. I hope you'll agree to wear this one instead."
A wedding ring is more than just a band of metal. It encircles the finger with symbolism.
I agree with you that your husband's choice to wear the wedding band from his former marriage could be very hurtful to you.
It would be illuminating to hear from him why he continues to wear this ring. Given his ex-wife's behavior and the way the marriage ended, this could be a reminder for him that he has prevailed.
#2 Jul 28, 2013
Where is that poster who says "I can't believe it;
what is this world coming to"? Agree with him if he were here to say so.
“I Am Mine”
Since: Dec 08
#3 Jul 28, 2013
LW1: If he gets an upgrade, good for him.
"Your husband should imagine an anti-Semite donning traditional Orthodox garb and basically making a mockery of both faiths;"
"My very nonreligious (raised Jewish) husband"
Somehow I don't think it would bother him at all.
"His online clergy status might be basically legitimate, but the task of marrying someone is no joke". And where did he turn marrying his son into a joke? He fulfilled the requirements to be authorized to do so at his son's request. Sorry, but he is under no requirement revere priests and rabbi's the way you do. He is technically clergy and as such I see no problem in him trying to take advantage of some of the benefits. I used to work for a travel agency. Travel agents can get an IATAN card which provides them with many travel benefits. My company processed the paperwork for ANY employee to get one, travel agent or not so we could enjoy those benefits as well. But I guess by your estimation, we should have been ashamed of ourselves.
The airlines don't seem too worried about people gaming the system about them since they are not an official policy. If it was a big concern, they'd spell out the requirements. Otherwise, its just a matter of someone at the gate giving a priest preferential treatment at their discretion.
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