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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Oct 1, 2013
DEAR AMY: I am a freshman in a new high school.

I love my new school. The teachers are awesome, I am involved in sports, and I have made many new friends.

However, there was a recent gossip incident that has me scratching my head. What is the best way to deal with a false rumor and figure out who started it without making a big deal out of the rumor, especially if it involves boys?-- Not Big on Gossip

DEAR GOSSIP: You are being tested. This is common in ninth grade, and the fact that you are new to the school makes you a handy target.

Let your parents know this has happened; they need to know what's going on with you, even if you don't want them to do anything about it.

Tracking this rumor to the source may invite more scrutiny and ignite an escalation. For now, do not react at all. Ignore this rumor and go about your business of doing well and making new friends. Rise above it and move on.

If you become aware of anything beyond this, speak to a favorite teacher and/or the counselor at your school. In rare cases this can get seriously out of hand. If so, you must alert the school officials; they will intervene to shut it down.

DEAR AMY: I work for a large trucking company that is owned by a family. I have been a loyal and very dependable employee for 1 1/2 years with an excellent attendance record.

I always complete my primary job on time with good results and have been given several extra projects that no one else will do, and always complete them in a timely manner.

However, I have not gotten a raise, and according to the HR manager (a member of the family that owns the company) my evaluation has been on the owner/manager's desk for two months.

I feel I should not have to continue asking HR about it because that should be part of her responsibility to see that raises are taken care of.

I have not had any negative feedback about my work from this employer. It's a multimillion-dollar company and can certainly afford to give raises. Should I begin to look for other employment? Any advice?-- Unappreciated

DEAR UNAPPRECIATED: It is not the HR department's ultimate responsibility to make sure you get a raise; this responsibility is shared by you and the company owner/manager. The HR representative is supposed to shepherd the process and the paperwork along and serve as a liaison between you.

I assure you, no one is going to care about your raise as much as you do, so advocate for yourself.

Send an email to the manager/owner and copy the HR representative. Say, "I understand my evaluation may have gotten lost in the shuffle, and so I'm following through to see if there is anything further you need from me before you can process my paperwork. Please let me know."

DEAR AMY: I agree with your advice to "Bewildered," who felt gifts that are brought to children's parties should be opened at the event instead of packed off to be opened at another time.

I had issues with gifts at kids' birthday parties, so we tried a different tack with my three children, which was seldom met with resistance.

Prior to sending invitations, the birthday child was encouraged to select a charity such as the food bank, animal shelter or organization that provides hygiene kits to homeless children. In the invitation, we would request that guests bring items to donate in lieu of gifts.

We replaced gift opening with fun activities (like a craft project) so the guests would leave with something special they made.

After the party, the birthday child and I would make a special trip to the charity to deliver the collected items. These opportunities provided a far greater gift to my kids: learning that giving can be more gratifying than receiving.-- Party Mom

DEAR PARTY Mom: I think this is a wonderful idea, especially if you are hosting a large event (including all of the children in the class, for instance).

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Oct 1, 2013
1 BS! Amy said so herself, the HR is to act as a leaison! Well, tell them to give the person a fricking answer about his raise. What does the employee hand book say? Again HR's job is to make sure both sides honor their committment to each other. Personally kid, I say steal a truck and get a new job.

Yeah party mom, you also take the tax write off for it too, which pays for the party. Not that its a bad thing though.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Oct 1, 2013
woops that should be 2+3 not 1+2
and lw 1. Just ignore it, dont take amy's advice and get Homeland Security involved.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#4 Oct 1, 2013
RACE wrote:
woops that should be 2+3 not 1+2
and lw 1. Just ignore it, dont take amy's advice and get Homeland Security involved.
You just got up too early this morning. What's with that?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#5 Oct 1, 2013
Shari23 wrote:
<quoted text>
You just got up too early this morning. What's with that?
The government shut down and he's worried who is going to get the tinfoil hats ou to Dog and Sam

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 Oct 1, 2013
Not sure, but I think the cat sitting on my chest may have had something to do with it.
Shari23 wrote:
<quoted text>
You just got up too early this morning. What's with that?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#7 Oct 1, 2013
L1: Don't tell your parents unless it's really bad. If you're "scratching your head" it can't be too bad -- at least you're not fuming. Ask the person who told you where it started.

L2: Some companies are like that. You may not want to HR again,, but do it anyways. In an email. Nicely. That's a way to start a paper trail.

L3: I don't like when people tell me what charity to give to, otherwise, it's not a horrible idea. I think, though, it would be better to have a regular kids party and then once a year you and your family can raise funds for your charity.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#8 Oct 1, 2013
Yeah, God forbid you get asked to give an unwrapped toy for tots gift, or toothpaste to kids in distress. The Gall!
Toj wrote:
L3: I don't like when people tell me what charity to give to, otherwise, it's not a horrible idea. I think, though, it would be better to have a regular kids party and then once a year you and your family can raise funds for your charity.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 Oct 1, 2013
LW1: I think you should go out and do exactly what they said you did in the rumor. Then it wouldn't be a rumor, right?

Seriously, ignore them. The best revenge for stuff like this is to give it/them zero of your time and energy.

LW2: If you pester this person too much, it is almost a guarantee that your papers will be moved to the bottom of the pile.

And you also need to rethink your attitude that they somehow owe you this raise. Unless it's written in a contract someplace, they don't.

LW3: Ya know, I think this idea is fine for chirstmas and your own family, but little kids like picking out gifts for their friends and you are cheating your children's friends out of this fun experience. And I for one, don't care if we don't get to see our gift opened, that is not the point. And if it is, you don't understand the definition of the word "gift."

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#10 Oct 1, 2013
RACE wrote:
Yeah, God forbid you get asked to give an unwrapped toy for tots gift, or toothpaste to kids in distress. The Gall!
<quoted text>
Depends how it is "asked". Not that I think it's anyone's business, but I give to many charities. I always take on a large family to buy for during the holidays from the AIDs charity. I give to other charities. Asking if you can donate and inviting someone to a party and saying we're doing gives to such-and-such charity instead of gifts -- that's not just asking you. That's holding your kid hostage to the party. Not everyone's beliefs in charities are the same and I wouldn't pick one for people to give at a kid's party.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#11 Oct 1, 2013
squishymama wrote:
LW3: Ya know, I think this idea is fine for chirstmas and your own family, but little kids like picking out gifts for their friends and you are cheating your children's friends out of this fun experience. And I for one, don't care if we don't get to see our gift opened, that is not the point. And if it is, you don't understand the definition of the word "gift."
I agree with part of this. Little kids enjoy opening gifts. The kids at our girls parties enjoyed seeing their own gift opened and ooo-ed and ahh-ed over.

At Christmas time, the girls exchanged gifts with their friends- small things, but the pleasure of picking out and wrapping and giving them was something special. One year it was decorated votive candle holders, another it was lipstick and nail polish from Big Lots or Dollar Store. One year we baked brownies and wrapped them

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#12 Oct 1, 2013
What are you talking about?
Your kid gets invited to a party, and instead of asking for a gift for the kid, you are asked to donate a gift to a charity instead.
Are you saying that giving a gift at a birthday party, is holding your kid hostage?
I think you are being way way way oversensitive about this. The birthday kid is asked which charity They would like to see their gifts go to, and your saying because you did not get to pick the charity, that the kid is manipulating you and your child?
Get over yourself lady.

I dont want you or your kid over to my kids party.
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Depends how it is "asked". Not that I think it's anyone's business, but I give to many charities. I always take on a large family to buy for during the holidays from the AIDs charity. I give to other charities. Asking if you can donate and inviting someone to a party and saying we're doing gives to such-and-such charity instead of gifts -- that's not just asking you. That's holding your kid hostage to the party. Not everyone's beliefs in charities are the same and I wouldn't pick one for people to give at a kid's party.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#13 Oct 1, 2013
RACE wrote:
What are you talking about?
Your kid gets invited to a party, and instead of asking for a gift for the kid, you are asked to donate a gift to a charity instead.
Are you saying that giving a gift at a birthday party, is holding your kid hostage?
I think you are being way way way oversensitive about this. The birthday kid is asked which charity They would like to see their gifts go to, and your saying because you did not get to pick the charity, that the kid is manipulating you and your child?
Get over yourself lady.
I dont want you or your kid over to my kids party.
<quoted text>
Good.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#14 Oct 1, 2013
LW2: I agree with squishy. Unless it is in your contract, you have to pare back your expectations.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#15 Oct 1, 2013
He is using the word "raise", but the real issue is his "appraisal". If he was told after 1 yr he gets a performance review, appraisal, whatever, then he is entitled to that. Whether that translates into a raise or not is another matter.
Stina2 wrote:
LW2: I agree with squishy. Unless it is in your contract, you have to pare back your expectations.

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#16 Oct 1, 2013
RACE wrote:
He is using the word "raise", but the real issue is his "appraisal". If he was told after 1 yr he gets a performance review, appraisal, whatever, then he is entitled to that. Whether that translates into a raise or not is another matter.
<quoted text>
Agreed. It is an HR responsibility to make sure that these things are
done. In a large corporation they usually are. However, this is a family run business and in my experience, after working for two of them, they might feel they can do things whenever they feel like it.
One I worked for was in the trucking business and it sounds like the LW's place. The DIL was responsible for HR issues and the mother was running the place. It was a horrible place to work and so I quit.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#17 Oct 1, 2013
RACE wrote:
He is using the word "raise", but the real issue is his "appraisal". If he was told after 1 yr he gets a performance review, appraisal, whatever, then he is entitled to that. Whether that translates into a raise or not is another matter.
<quoted text>
Of course he is, but he wants a raise, too, it seems. I'd like a raise, too.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#18 Oct 1, 2013
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
Of course he is, but he wants a raise, too, it seems. I'd like a raise, too.
I'll take a raise!!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#19 Oct 1, 2013
You could give me a raise, I wont mind.
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
Of course he is, but he wants a raise, too, it seems. I'd like a raise, too.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#20 Oct 1, 2013
RACE wrote:
You could give me a raise, I wont mind.
<quoted text>
I expected that!:)

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