Posted in the Chicago Forum
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#1 Jul 8, 2014
DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I have been together for five years. We were long distance for four years, and then last year I moved to Florida to be with him. He has always said he doesn't want to live anywhere other than Florida.
Initially, I didn't think that would be a problem but now I'm wondering. My family lives thousands of miles away, and I miss them terribly. I resent that he's unwilling to compromise about things -- like where we live, for instance.
To top it off, I don't feel attracted to him. Sometimes I feel attracted to women. I've never been with a woman, but these feelings really confuse me. I'm 34 years old. If I were gay, wouldn't I have known it before?
People are beginning to ask us if we will marry, and the thought makes me feel queasy. My parents had an acrimonious divorce, and I thought I was opposed to marriage because of this. Now I wonder if there is more to consider.
I worry that I run away from good things when I have them. Despite the fact that I'm not always happy here, sometimes I am, and my boyfriend is incredibly supportive and loving. I love him, but I'm not sure I'm "in love" with him.
We live together, I have a job here and any real change would have to be a big one. What should I do?-- Unsure
DEAR UNSURE: In the news business, we call what you just did -- "I'm not sure about moving and by the way I might be gay" -- "burying the lead."
So let's go back to the part of your narrative where you wonder about your sexual orientation. This is the part of your story that is truly about you.
There are no rules about sexuality. The current thinking is that sexual orientation happens along a wide spectrum. You can discover or uncover different aspects to your personal and sexual identity at any point in your life.
You have a lot to sort out, ideally with a therapist's help. You need to peel this onion, be ruthlessly honest with yourself about each and every layer, and make some changes (perhaps even big changes)-- knowing that in life the thing that matters most is not whether you make mistakes (or change your mind about things), but whether you act with integrity toward yourself and other people.
DEAR AMY: My father died in January. For the viewing, the funeral home created a display of photos and symbolic items (small grocery cart, apron, shopping bag, etc.) honoring my dad's life as a grocer in our small town. Over 1,000 people came through the reception line to speak with our family members about my dad.
As one of my friends came through the line, she laughed at the display and said loudly that it looked stupid. My brothers and sisters, and our other guests, certainly witnessed her behavior. I have not been in touch with my friend since then, primarily because I have not resolved my feelings and have not forgiven her. I am torn about what to do as this is a good, longtime friend.-- Grieving
DEAR GRIEVING: I can understand why this upsets you. This remark was unkind.
Only you can decide whether you want to try to revive your friendship with this person. Regardless of your relationship, you should express how you feel. Keep it simple: "Marsha, I have to tell you that I am still upset by what you said at the funeral home."
She may (and probably will) discount the force of this statement, or blame you for being sensitive. Accept this in advance, but speak your truth. After that it will be easier for you to move on.
DEAR AMY: I liked your response to "A Mom," who worried about other parents' reaction to her partner sleeping over on the weekends.
I think she was looking for you to weigh in on the issue of sexual orientation, but you framed it perfectly: Parents have a right to know about all adults in a household if their kids are spending time there.-- New Fan
DEAR FAN: Thank you.
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#2 Jul 8, 2014
1- oh you're not gay. All this acceptance of homosexuality is making people think they might be gay, it's kinda like the in thing now. But if you don't think you're in love with him, and the thought of marriage makes you queasy, I don't recommend getting married
Since: Jun 09
#3 Jul 8, 2014
"...the thing that matters most is not whether you make mistakes (or change your mind about things), but whether you act with integrity toward yourself and other people."
“Where is Everyone?”
Since: Jul 12
#4 Jul 8, 2014
L1: Therapist. A good one.
L2: The friend might have been extremely nervous and laughs at things when in this state. Of course, it doesn't excuse the unkind thing she said. If she was truly your good friend, you would talk to her about it. People screw up sometimes. Good friends still stick by you when you make a stupid mistake. I understand she should have been there for you and not say ignorant things but it is what it is.
L3: Wow. Amy has one fan.
#5 Jul 8, 2014
Glance into LW1's next six months:
(a) She realized that she has a good job in a state with no state income tax--and made the best of the situation.
(b) She visited family by herself and considered how he acted when she returned.
(c) She decided to suggest open dating to him and let him find a different lady who was more on his page--and found somebody more
on her track as well.
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