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1 - 10 of 10 Comments Last updated Mar 25, 2013
Tricia McMillen

Winnetka, IL

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#1
Mar 24, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: My best friend of more than 12 years --
the pastor of a large church -- was sent to prison several months ago for soliciting sex with two minor children. While I despise what he did, I have enough intimate knowledge to know this was a one-time thing. He's a sex addict and, while this does not forgive the act, it was just an escalation of his addiction.

I have decided to forgive him and be supportive. I send him a small amount of money each week and provide emotional support. My problem is, I knew about his addiction for 11 of the 12 years we have known each other. I feel I could have prevented all this from happening if I had told others, intervened and helped him get treatment. How do I apologize to all of those who loved and supported him, not knowing he wasn't celibate?-- THE GUILTY ENABLER

DEAR ENABLER: Excuse me? "Just" an escalation of the man's sex addiction? The man's lack of character is appalling. That you would turn a blind eye to what he was doing indicates that you have issues of your own that need resolving. Forget about apologizing. You can't make this better. What's done is done.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend was raised in a family that didn't celebrate holidays, including birthdays. They converted to that religion when he was 10, and while he no longer identifies with that religion, he still doesn't recognize any celebrations.

I was raised with all the traditions surrounding the holidays and the family time that comes with it. I feel they are very important. I have tried explaining this to him, but his attitude toward holidays borders on hatred.

He recently told me he wants me to stop including him in activities or conversations related to holidays and birthdays, and I'm not sure what to do. He finds the same activities acceptable as long as they don't happen around a holiday and are not associated with one.

Would it be unfair to ask him to compromise and share certain traditions with me, in light of the fact that he has no family traditions to bring to the table?-- NO HAPPY BIRTHDAYS

DEAR NO HAPPY BIRTHDAYS: You could ask him to compromise, but it would be unrealistic to expect that someone with his ingrained attitude will do so. A fish and a bird may love each other, but it doesn't mean they can happily cohabit. If you want a happy relationship, find someone whose traditions more closely resemble your own.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an almost 18-year-old girl. I hoped that by now I would be over my fear of the dark, but I'm not. I can't sleep without the TV, go outside after dark or walk through my house at night without being terrified. I always feel as if there is "something" there, no matter how many times I shine a light to check. I'm pretty sure this is irrational, but I don't know what to do.-- SCAREDY-CAT IN FLORIDA

DEAR SCAREDY-CAT: When someone has an irrational fear, the thing to do is to consult a licensed psychotherapist and discuss it. There are counselors who specialize in phobias, and your physician may be able to refer you to one.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#2
Mar 24, 2013
 

Judged:

1

So when and if this guy gets out of jail, will LW continue to help? If not by sending bits of money then by pimping for hm , but cheeking driver licenses first?

FYI IL has a Sexually Dangerous Person Act. They can commit you long after your prison term. I have even heard about guys who wee charged but not convicted and committed immediately because tetchy were sexually dangerous persons.

A pastor with a sex addiction who went at least 11 years and included little kids on his menu probably qualifies. Bet he had one of eh mega-churches and preached hellfire, too.
Cass

Upland, CA

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#3
Mar 24, 2013
 

Judged:

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LW1 - Really? Would you forgive your best friend if he had been soliciting sex from YOUR kids?

It's amazing to me to what length some people will go to find excuses for inexcusable behavior.

LW2 - Your BF probably needs therapy because his intolerance of celebrations is so overboard. However, you probably can't convince him that it's overboard. You are incompatible. Sorry. Time to move on.

LW3 - If you feel terrified of the dark, then you probably need to talk to a professional, but you can also try to make adjustments gradually. Try to fall asleep without the TV, but with a nightlight on. Listen to music or an audiobook as you fall asleep if you need sound. Walk through your house with a little flashlight if you need to (e.g. if you go to the bathroom at night).

I grew up in a small apartment, so we were always crowded, and when I moved out on my own, I first felt extremely uncomfortable being in the dark alone in the apartment. It took me well into my 20s to get used to it, but I did eventually.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

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#4
Mar 24, 2013
 
I certainly hope all these letters are fiction.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#5
Mar 24, 2013
 
LW1: I'm with boundary painter. I hope some college kid made this letter up.

LW2: So stop including him. He'll either come around, or you'll learn to enjoy these holiday/birthday events without him, or you'll break up because he is a nutcase. Either way, quit trying to change him. It is futile.
tiredofit

Los Angeles, CA

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#6
Mar 24, 2013
 
Sunday comments rock today. I agree with you all.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#7
Mar 24, 2013
 
PEllen wrote:
A pastor with a sex addiction who went at least 11 years and included little kids on his menu probably qualifies. Bet he had one of eh mega-churches and preached hellfire, too.
If he wad oncluding kids on the menu all along, then sure. But this guy tells the story as if the dude was just involved with adults until the very end. And if that's the case, I don't see what he thinks he could have done, nor that your law applies. A "sex addict" is not breaking any laws. I hear that term, I think Barney Stinson or Dan Fielding(who gets that reference without google?)

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#8
Mar 24, 2013
 
Kuuipo wrote:
or you'll break up because he is a nutcase. Either way, quit trying to change him. It is futile.
He's a nutcase?
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#9
Mar 25, 2013
 
LW1: While I don't believe in "sexual addiction", let's just say it exists and he has it. That wouldn't necessarily make him a pedophile, which is what he is. He is a bad person and the LW needs a slap of reality and recognize that. Being overly horny and being a twisted sick child molester are two different things.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#10
Mar 25, 2013
 
Stina wrote:
LW1: While I don't believe in "sexual addiction", let's just say it exists and he has it. That wouldn't necessarily make him a pedophile, which is what he is. He is a bad person and the LW needs a slap of reality and recognize that. Being overly horny and being a twisted sick child molester are two different things.
this

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