“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jun 2, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I am a young, recently married woman. My husband and I are about at the point where we're thinking of having kids. My brother married a close friend of mine soon after my wedding, and my sister-in-law has a medical condition that may prevent her from having children.

I am very close to my brother and his wife, and I can see the writing on the wall. She has mentioned surrogacy once in passing, as a possible alternative if she can't have kids. If I am asked to be the surrogate, what advice do you have? I'd be more than willing to consider it, but only after my husband and I have had our own children.

If I do it, would it be selfish of me to expect some compensation for my time and the toll it will take on my body? I want to be ready if and when I'm asked. What would be the best way to explain my reasoning to her?-- BACKUP MOM IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR BACKUP: You may be jumping the gun, because you do not yet know how your body will tolerate a pregnancy. Not all women have easy pregnancies, and if you're one of them, you may be less willing to be a surrogate. As to monetary compensation for wear and tear, that's a question you should ask a lawyer because compensation may not be allowed in the state in which you reside.

You, together with your brother and sister-in-law, should also discuss with a mental health professional the emotional issues that may arise -- such as everyone's expectations about what will happen when the baby arrives, what might happen if there is a death, a divorce, a move, and what your role would be -- whether you will be the birth mother or a legal aunt, etc. All of this should be clarified if your sister-in-law asks you to be her surrogate.

DEAR ABBY: I recently retired for the second time. At 70, I applied for a job online, was interviewed by a company and hired. I could hardly believe it. Three years later, I was having a medical problem, so I thought it best to retire again if I couldn't do the work I was hired to do.

After a month of rest I feel fine now. My husband thinks I was overworked. I want to get another job. Abby, why do I feel the need to still work? Most of my friends tell me to enjoy life, sit back and relax, but my work defined me and I loved it. Shouldn't I try working again if my health continues to improve?-- NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE IN GEORGIA

DEAR NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE: Not everyone is happy in retirement. Some people need the routine of work and the stimulation of being around other people. Also, not everyone ages at the same rate.

However, it's important to listen to your body and pace yourself. There's a saying, "You can fool Mother Nature, but you can't fool Father Time." If your last job drained you to the point of illness, choose something that is less taxing (either full-time or part-time). You'll enjoy your life and last longer if you do.

DEAR ABBY: I am a Brit, now living in the U.S. When, upon departing, someone says, "Have a good one!" what is the correct response?-- PUZZLED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PUZZLED: Some people respond, "Thanks, the same to you." Others have been known to say, "Thanks, I'm already having one!"

The important thing is to always say "thank you."

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jun 2, 2014
1 From reading your letter, I don't think you should do this. It will end badly.

2 If your job defines you, I feel sorry for you. My leisure defines me, and beer gives me definition.

3 The proper response is STFU!
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#3 Jun 2, 2014
LW1 - What Race said.

LW2 - Start volunteering at your local library, animal shelter, elementary school - whatever. It''ll keep you busy, and you can cut down on your time or quit any time without too great repercussions.

LW3 - You are giving Brits a bad name. Not all of them are as dimwitted as you are. Surely, you have figured out by now that it's an informal leave-taking, so respond with another informal leave-taking.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#4 Jun 2, 2014
1. I'd bow out of being a surrogate if you have any reservations at all. Too much potential for strangeness.

2. You should get a glaucoma diagnosis and get baked everyday on medical marihuana.

3. I always say "word to your mother"

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#5 Jun 2, 2014
1- you presume a lot

2- volunteer. Wouldn't think it'd be too easy for a 70 yo to find work

3- Brits...

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Jun 2, 2014
L1: She is jumping the gun. Focus on your own marriage right now. That's not selfish, it is necessary.

L2: Some people really love to work. Unfortunately, I am not one of them but I do what I have to do. Part time or consulting would be best for this woman.

Most people I know who are like that are also very social and have a full life out of work as well.

L3: And you made not one friend that you could ask?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#7 Jun 2, 2014
L1 Interesting that Abby suggested a mental health consult for LW, her bro and SIL. Notice anyone missing from this group? Like LW's new husband?

I don't know anyone who used a surrogate but I would imagine it makes it more difficult for the kid if it is Aunt Sue who grew the baby from mom and dad's seed.

This is not The Big Chill, part II.

I am also concerned that LW is thinking about compensation.

L2 If she is 70 and can find a job and wants to work, go for it.

L3 Cheerio, or You too.

There you go.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#8 Jun 2, 2014
PEllen wrote:
L1 Interesting that Abby suggested a mental health consult for LW, her bro and SIL. Notice anyone missing from this group? Like LW's new husband?
I don't know anyone who used a surrogate but I would imagine it makes it more difficult for the kid if it is Aunt Sue who grew the baby from mom and dad's seed.
This is not The Big Chill, part II.
I am also concerned that LW is thinking about compensation.
L2 If she is 70 and can find a job and wants to work, go for it.
L3 Cheerio, or You too.
There you go.
We had a woman who moved to the states from Britian here for a time and would always say "Cherrio".
Kuuipo

Seaside, CA

#9 Jun 2, 2014
LW1: I know a few women who became pregnant despite being cautioned by their doctors that their medical conditions might interfere with conception. But if she does have a problem, I'm with Race. Don't do it.

LW2: Try volunteering before you decide. It might be less stressful and you would feel useful and appreciated.

LW3: I like "Cheerio!"

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#10 Jun 2, 2014
I liked them as a kid, now....not so much.
Kuuipo wrote:
LW3: I like "Cheerio!"
blunt advice

Hoboken, NJ

#11 Jun 2, 2014
1. First of all you are the sister of the sperms donor. If said surrogate pregnancy is ever to take place I think they would want the kids not to be inbred which would leave your eggs out of it. Second of all you both need time to see how fertile you really are before making such plans.
2. Temp or volunteer.
3. Thanks you too.

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