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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Aug 16, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I am 39 and have been at my job for 15 years. I don't enjoy it and haven't since day one. The work is stressful and doesn't bring me one single ounce of gratification.

I have always wanted to be an elementary school teacher, but now I'm afraid that ship has sailed. I'm currently back in college for business (my job helps to pay my tuition) and feel like I'm not being fair to myself. I don't like finance, and I was never good at math. I get paid well and am well-invested in my retirement plan, but I'm miserable every minute I must sit in my little cubicle. I consider it my jail cell.

I need advice on where to take my career because I'm not getting any younger. Or is it too late?-- OVER THE HILL IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR O.T.H.: You are not incarcerated, and you are only as trapped as you choose to make yourself. Most colleges have career counseling services, and you should avail yourself of them.

If teaching children is your heart's desire, you will have to take the time to prepare for it, know ahead of time what opportunities are available and what the compensation is. Make it your business to find out before making any drastic changes. You'll be glad you did.

DEAR ABBY: I fervently want to help my daughter and her father (my ex) fix their relationship. They are both a lot alike -- bullheaded and stubborn. They can't see how much they hurt each other.

My daughter feels he has chosen his "new" family (wife and stepchildren) over her because she isn't invited to family game nights, dinners out, etc.

He feels she doesn't appreciate what he does for her.

She's expecting a baby (our first grandchild) in December, and I think they should try to mend fences before the birth occurs. We lost our son (her brother) three years ago, and I know this figures into the family dynamic as well. I just don't want to see them hurt each other anymore. Can you help me fix this?-- ANXIOUS IN COLORADO

DEAR ANXIOUS: I wish you had clarified what your ex "does" do for his daughter, because from your description it appears he has done the minimum and little else. Having been excluded from "family game nights and dinners out," it's natural that she would feel her father made a new family and left her in the dust.

While I admire your impulse to be the peacemaker, I don't think you can fix this. Family counseling might be able to mend the rift, but only if all parties are willing.

DEAR ABBY: My wife died on my birthday a few years back. It was the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to me, and my birthday has been depressing since.

Every year, people continue to send cards and gifts, wishing me a happy birthday. All I want to do on that miserable day is get through it. It will never be "happy" for me again. Ever.

I don't want to be nasty to these well-meaning people, but I really do want them to stop. How can I convey that my birthday is not a happy occasion anymore?-- PARTY POOPER IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR PARTY POOPER: I am sorry for your loss. A way to ensure your message gets across would be to write or call these well-meaning individuals, thank them for their good wishes and tell them exactly what you have written to me. I think you expressed it very well.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 Aug 16, 2013
1 You're too old, and your brain cells are probably all dried up anyway. Oh, and you know the old saying about the grass being greener. Just wait to you have a room full of brats to contend with. That cubicle will start to look pretty good.

2 Tell you x that he needs to clear the air with his daughter and take her out to dinner.

3 Yes, TELL THEM. They cant read your mind, and they are stuck with the choice to either ignore your birthday and thinking that you will be mad, or sending a card and hoping you wont.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Aug 16, 2013
L1: Job counseling/occupational counseling and testing. LIfe's too short. Get out there and figure out something else to do!

L2: Your daughter is, I presume, a grown adult, with a child on the way. I think you need to step aside and let them run their lives.

L3: Is this how your wife would want you to behave?

Since: Feb 10

Location hidden

#4 Aug 16, 2013
39 is over the hill? Spare me.

Way to man-bash on the dad in L2. There is nowhere near enough info to assume that he has "left her in the dust". Maybe he did, or maybe she used to be included in those activities but they stopped inviting her because she wouldn't stop being a beotch. Who knows? I would talk to each of them individually, focusing on the new baby and what a benefit it would be for him/her to have grandpa involved. Suggest the two of them might want to have lunch together and talk, but you can't MAKE them get along and pushing too much is probably going to backfire.

L3, people may remember birthdays, but we seldom remember death anniversaries for more than a few years, and I doubt that you're going to convince everyone to stop. Someone I loved died on a holiday many years ago, and I still think of him throughtout the day, every year. I do feel cheated that he died so young, but I still celebrate (the first few years were really tough) and now when I think of him, I focus on the happy times we did have, not the ones we missed. If you do convince everyone to ignore your birthday from now on, I think you may regret it later.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#5 Aug 16, 2013
LW1: Itís never too late. Before you jump in head first, see if you can sub and get some teaching experience. That way you find out if you will like that before you switch careers.

LW2: Not much you can do. If your daughter is a grown adult and the step kids are younger, that probably explains why she is not taken out for dinner.

LW3: What a b1tch! How could she do that to you on your birthday?!:P

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#6 Aug 16, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW1: Itís never too late. Before you jump in head first, see if you can sub and get some teaching experience. That way you find out if you will like that before you switch careers.
You can't sub without a teaching degree or teacher's certificate.

BUT: She most likely would be welcome in the classroom as an observer if she states what her intentions are.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Aug 16, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
You can't sub without a teaching degree or teacher's certificate.
BUT: She most likely would be welcome in the classroom as an observer if she states what her intentions are.
The requirements vary by state.

In my state all you need is:

Associate's Degree or higher
Fingerprint card and background check
Completed application and application fees
Official Transcripts
Letters of recommendation

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#8 Aug 16, 2013
Jersey is even more relaxed ... all you need is:

Sixty (60) semester hours of college credit from an accredited college or university

Completed application, fees, and supporting documents

Letters of recommendation

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#9 Aug 16, 2013
My boss is actually from Jersey and he did some sub teaching while in college or just after college.

He actually taught at his old high school a few times, lmao!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#10 Aug 16, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
The requirements vary by state.
In my state all you need is:
Associate's Degree or higher
Fingerprint card and background check
Completed application and application fees
Official Transcripts
Letters of recommendation
And no experience or training in how to teach? That's ridiculous.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#11 Aug 16, 2013
LW1: It's never too late and it sounds like you have the resources to quit and go back to school full-time to get the required degrees/classes to become a teacher. You might not be good at math, but with your experience, you might be great at teaching math.

LW2: I can't deal with the drama today.

LW3: Maybe these friends think they're helping, yanno, so either tell them or stop b!tching.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#12 Aug 16, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
And no experience or training in how to teach? That's ridiculous.
I dunno ... most subs I had as a kid were basically just showing up and not really teaching ... the teacher usually had some sort of exercise prepared for us to do. I don't feel you need to be full blown teacher to spot fill for a day ... Now if the teacher is going to be on maternity leave or gone for awhile, I agree with you. But a day here or there, eh.

I also think schools would have a hard time finding enough folks to do it if they all had to have a teaching degree. In most instances if you have a teaching degree you are already teaching or if you are like my wife you are pursuing a different career because you didn't want to teach.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#13 Aug 16, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
You can't sub without a teaching degree or teacher's certificate.
BUT: She most likely would be welcome in the classroom as an observer if she states what her intentions are.
In most states you can sub without a teaching degree or certificate.

Here are the Illinois requirements for substitute teaching, I know they are considered a bit extreme compared to other states since they require a bachelor's degree instead of only an associate's degree:

http://www.isbe.net/licensure/html/substitute...

Back in 2002 when I had been laid off and was having a hard time finding a job, I was about to get my substitute certificate (just needed the TB test). Then I found a job in my field. Quite a few of the housewives in my subdivision have substitute certificates.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#14 Aug 16, 2013
L1. That's why they call it work.
But yeah, I have a love/hate relationship with my job too.
It's pretty exciting, but I like it most when I'n not there. And when I'm at work I usually would rather be doing something else.
It's funny that you call your little cubicle a prison cell. I never worked in a cell per se, and I never considered the places where I have worked as a jail, but I have served my sentence and done my time. And have gotten paid.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#15 Aug 16, 2013
LW3: Tell them. My guess is that they are trying to make you feel better.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#16 Aug 16, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L3: Is this how your wife would want you to behave?
This is EXACTLY what I thought. If anything might help when you lose a loved one, ask yourself what live you can lead to honor them. Would they want you to act that way.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#17 Aug 16, 2013
What LIFE you can lead to honor them...

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#18 Aug 16, 2013
L1: Quit your bellyaching. Be glad you have a steady job that will pay your bills as you look on your off time for the job you aspire to. Then do it.

L2: It's really her relationship to fix; however, if you need to butt in then tell her that you think they are both stubborn and do not really listen to each other and perhaps she should write down her feelings to her dad and then send it in a letter. Then butt out or be there to pick up the pieces if he disses her once again.

L3: See Red's answer.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#19 Aug 16, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
And no experience or training in how to teach? That's ridiculous.
A friend of mine in Baltimore used to sub. I Was under the impression that in Maryland it varied by school district or county or something, but I could be wrong. I was STUNNED to learn that all she needed was a HS diploma and I *think* a background check, but I'm not even sure about that. A HS diploma...yeah, they are just babysitting for the day, they aren't doing any real teaching.
pde

Davis Junction, IL

#20 Aug 16, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
A friend of mine in Baltimore used to sub. I Was under the impression that in Maryland it varied by school district or county or something, but I could be wrong. I was STUNNED to learn that all she needed was a HS diploma and I *think* a background check, but I'm not even sure about that. A HS diploma...yeah, they are just babysitting for the day, they aren't doing any real teaching.
The schools do love a sub who has a teaching degree. My neighbor across the street has never successfully transferred her teaching certificate to IL but she's registered to sub in three different districts and could sub every single day of the school year if she wanted. She basically gets first choice of any sub position.

But I think she may be one of very few subs any of those districts has who has any form of teaching degree. And, as I said, she hasn't been able to get credentialed in Illinois for some reason. She's never told me why.

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