Comments
1 - 8 of 8 Comments Last updated Dec 9, 2012

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#1
Dec 9, 2012
 
DEAR AMY: I am concerned that my husband of four years may have a psychological disorder related to spending.

He has two motorcycles, five trucks, three boats and two woodstoves. He now wants to buy a smart car (energy-efficient electric) on the basis that it is so much less expensive to operate than a gas car. Every week I pick up three to five boxes of new purchases from the post office.

He works at a community college in an information technology position and has used this position to justify buying himself the latest-model laptops. But when we needed to purchase a freezer recently, he didn't have money to contribute. Whenever I try to talk to him about it, he uses rational-sounding arguments to justify the expense, especially when it comes to energy use (that is his specialty).

I am drained and depressed by his actions, and I am considering moving out, in part so I can find somewhere to park. Any ideas?-- Depleted

DEAR DEPLETED: Your husband's arguments may sound rational, but the roundup of vehicles, toys and appliances in your household reveals the reality that he has a spending/buying problem. You don't reveal other sources of income for the two of you, but it is hard to imagine that he could afford these purchases on a typical college staff salary.

Even if he could afford this (wasteful) abundance, this is creating a problem in your marriage, so you two must sit down with a financial planning professional, lay every single bill on the table and negotiate a solution. If he has plunged himself into debt, you will be liable because you are married to him. So this is very much your business, as well as his.

Personal finance guru Suze Orman would give your husband a no-nonsense wake-up call. Orman's newest book is "The Money Class: How to Stand in Your Truth and Create the Future You Deserve" (2012, Spiegel & Grau).

DEAR AMY: I told my friend that I would attend her bachelorette party after I was told that it would be held in a certain location -- a location that I can drive to from my home. After I committed to going, she let us know that she is planning to change the location to a city that about 90 percent of attendees would have to fly to.

If she does choose the more expensive city, I won't be able to attend, and I know other bridesmaids are in the same boat. How can I politely express that I cannot afford the expensive city without totally hijacking her planning process?-- Bashful Bridesmaid

DEAR BASHFUL: Being a bridesmaid should not shackle you to bridal plans you cannot afford to commit to. The bride (or the maid of honor) has the duty to design her various celebrations so that they are in the realm of affordable for the majority of other participants.

Don't speak for or represent the other invitee's points of view. Be honest and be honest quickly. Tell her, "I can't afford to make the trip, but I know it's going to be great, I'm sure you'll have a blast, and I'll save up for the wedding!" If your inability to make it to the bachelorette celebration knocks you out of the bridal party, consider yourself spared.

You should try to have a bottle of bubbly delivered to your friend at her bachelorette party venue.

DEAR AMY: You asked for readers' stories about being "called out" for being odorous. One day many years ago, my boss stopped abruptly at my desk and blurted out, "Lady, I hate to say this, but you've got bad breath!"

Needless to say, I was embarrassed to the core of my being. I had no idea. My husband hadn't mentioned it. Nor had my friends. But I thanked my boss for the heads-up. It had been several years since I'd seen a dentist, and sure enough, there were some issues that needed tending to.-- Still Have My Teeth

DEAR STILL: Wow. It seems to me that your boss could have been more judicious, but I'm happy this worked out for you.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#2
Dec 9, 2012
 
1- I'm surprised an IT guy at a community college can afford all that. I believe compulsive buying is a disorder, tell him to seek help.

2- If you can't make it, you can't make it. What do you want?

3- If it ain't people with bad BO, it's people who wear too much perfume, or chew too loud, or laugh too much, or....
Cass

Upland, CA

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#3
Dec 9, 2012
 
LW1 - Agree with Edog here. I don't think an IT guy at a community college can afford all that, even if he is the head of the IT department, that's what? About 80-100K? By the way, if he has been getting reimbursed for multiple laptops by his work, he's been embezzling. I'd consult a credit counselor and an attorney.

LW2 - You did not commit to flying to a different city for a party. You committed to attending one nearby. Once the bride changed locations, your commitment is null.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#4
Dec 9, 2012
 
L1: You need to sit down with him and let him know his spending habits are ending his marriage and both of you get to counselling so you can communicate better. Or up and leave like you want to and get 1/2 of his spendings (and half of the bills, too).

L2: I don't get the destination parties. It asks too much of people. Whatever, be honest about it when you talk to the bridezilla.

L3: Okay.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#5
Dec 9, 2012
 
1. I agree with everyone so far regarding this lw. She definitely needs to see a lawyer regarding her own liability for his debts. If he won't go for counseling, both financial and psychological (he definitely has some kind of psychological problem), she needs to leave and have her lawyer get her a legal separation as fast as possible. She should also have all her own money put in her own (not joint) accounts.

2. I know it's hard to tell a friend "no" in regard to changed wedding plans but I bet all those other bridesmaids are just hoping someone will "break the ice" so to speak and will follow her lead. She may still get booted from the wedding but really, a bride should take these things into consideration. Does she think all her friends have that kind of money? Is she that unmindful of their situations? In any case, a bride is no friend if she takes such advantage of her bridesmaids and the lw should just come clean and tell her she can't afford to travel for that party.

3. I'd have a hard time telling someone they give off an obnoxious odor but someone has to do it. And it was better for her boss to tell her than her co-workers because she couldn't behave badly toward him in reaction. I bet her co-workers got together and asked the boss to do it.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#6
Dec 9, 2012
 
Pippa! How you been!?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#7
Dec 9, 2012
 
Pippa wrote:
1. I agree with everyone so far regarding this lw. She definitely needs to see a lawyer regarding her own liability for his debts. If he won't go for counseling, both financial and psychological (he definitely has some kind of psychological problem), she needs to leave and have her lawyer get her a legal separation as fast as possible. She should also have all her own money put in her own (not joint) accounts.
2. I know it's hard to tell a friend "no" in regard to changed wedding plans but I bet all those other bridesmaids are just hoping someone will "break the ice" so to speak and will follow her lead. She may still get booted from the wedding but really, a bride should take these things into consideration. Does she think all her friends have that kind of money? Is she that unmindful of their situations? In any case, a bride is no friend if she takes such advantage of her bridesmaids and the lw should just come clean and tell her she can't afford to travel for that party.
3. I'd have a hard time telling someone they give off an obnoxious odor but someone has to do it. And it was better for her boss to tell her than her co-workers because she couldn't behave badly toward him in reaction. I bet her co-workers got together and asked the boss to do it.
Hey lady. Other than VA Dame the NE contingent has not been around much. How goes it?
Anonymous

Plant City, FL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#8
Dec 9, 2012
 
1: 7 vehicles??!??! SEVEN? Come on-the man is pathological and abusing the marriage by only contributing to things he deems necessary. Rude.
But again, we must ask: surely there were signs before the marriage??

2: Screw the bottle of bubbly-what a lame gift without thought.
The thoughtlessness of changing it after committments is appalling. I cannot believe people walk the planet oblivious to others.
Both of my neighbors live this way and their ignorance is irritating.

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

Type in your comments below
Name
(appears on your post)
Comments
Characters left: 4000
Type the numbers you see in the image on the right:

Please note by clicking on "Post Comment" you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

86 Users are viewing the Chicago Forum right now

Search the Chicago Forum:
Title Updated Last By Comments
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 7 min Buroc Millhouse Obama 1,083,333
Abby 7-30 12 min Sublime1 8
Amy 7-30 17 min Pippa 11
Ill. House Approves Legalizing Same-Sex Civil U... (Dec '10) 22 min Terry rigsby 49,008
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 44 min LRS 175,089
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 50 min Stina2 97,575
Christianity 1 hr larry 1
•••
•••
•••

Chicago Jobs

•••
Enter and win $5000
•••
•••

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••