Amy 5-6

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“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
May 6, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: I was in an unhappy marriage for many years. Despite living a life of high morality, I stumbled and succumbed to another woman. All of this was my fault; there is no one else to blame.

My marriage dissolved, my son no longer spoke to me, but at least I had my new love. But "the other woman" turned out to be a mirage. What I believed was true love (for me) was merely another episode with another man for her.(My advice to everyone is to work it out and stay in your marriage, or be braver still and leave. Cheating and lying only leads to much more pain.)

Here's my problem: I have now become socially acquainted with this "other woman's" husband. He knows nothing of what I did.

He is a nice guy but is sad because his wife is not interested in him. He seems to soldier on in the marriage. I wish he could have a better life. He has been out of town on several occasions, and during this time I have seen his wife on the arm of a new guy.

Should I tell her husband she is seeing someone? I will not tell him about me; that is too messed up. But she is "playing" him now, just like she played me a few years ago. What should I do?-- The Other Man

DEAR OTHER: Your intentions seem to be good, but your letter reveals a disconnect: You want to tell your friend the truth about his cheating wife as long as the truth doesn't involve you. Does this choice reflect the "high morality" you claim is part of your character?

Think it through: You reveal the wife's infidelity to the husband. He confronts his wife. She quickly outs you.

I point this out because if you want to tell the truth, then tell the whole truth. Ask your friend to forgive you and take responsibility for being a party to his wife's ongoing deceit.

DEAR AMY: I'm in a long-distance relationship with a really special guy. It's been almost four years. He's my best friend. We're very attracted to each other, but he just doesn't know how to be romantic.

I tell him how much I love him, I do what I can to stay romantic from far away, but he just does not reciprocate.

He has expressed that he knows he has this problem and he wishes he could show me how he feels, but he says he just doesn't know how.

Any tips for a long-distance couple? I love him to death, but he just isn't giving me what I need. He doesn't mean it to, but it hurts.-- Trying My Best

DEAR TRYING: You feel your boyfriend has a problem, and now you've convinced him of it.

Of course, you could be right. But imagine the pressure you place on him by throwing down the romance challenge, especially at a distance.

He could watch for clues by paying attention to your romantic gestures. He could simply mirror them, and perhaps that would make you happy.

Does he like a particular kind of music? He could easily share this with you from a distance. He can share photos, thoughts or links to YouTube videos online. He can shoot off a "good morning" text at the beginning of each day.

Romantic gestures are really a statement: You are worth the effort.

Most important, you should recognize that you and he have different temperaments and strengths. If you receive satisfaction from making romantic gestures (I assume you do), then keep doing what you're doing. But if you do a little less, he might do a little more.

DEAR AMY: I'm responding to the letter from "Doormat," who was eager to get her young adult brother-in-law off her couch. A universal draft of 18-year-olds into two years of public service would be great for the country and would give young people time to grow up before going to college or into the trades.

I'm a veteran and can personally attest to the value of boot camp.-- Leo

DEAR LEO: I can well imagine. Thank you.

Since: Jan 10

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#2
May 6, 2013
 

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L1: "He is a nice guy but is sad because his wife is not interested in him. He seems to soldier on in the marriage. I wish he could have a better life." Wow, project much? For all you know, they have an open marriage and he knows all about his wife's sexcapades. Either way, it's obvious what your true motivation is: You want to ruin her marriage and upset HER life just as happened to you and yours.

Grow up. And I highly doubt you were all that moral to begin with. Nothing in this letter indicates you ever had any substance to you.

L2: Stop trying to CHANGE him. He is who he is. IF he isn't meeting your long-distance needs, find someone who will.

L3: "boot camp"? I wasn't aware that Americorps required participants to go to boot camp.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#3
May 6, 2013
 
1 Team Red

2 Phone sex

3 Unfortunately Freedom also means the freedom to be a total slug and a drain on our national resources.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#4
May 6, 2013
 
I vote for RACE today!!!

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#5
May 6, 2013
 

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L1: I agree with Red, too. He has no idea what their marriage really is. Sound to me like revenge.

L2: It's amazing what couples find romantic. Instead of him looking to be you, why don't you find the romance in how he acts, what he says and how he's always there for you. I'd much rather have a terrific guy than a guy who buys flowers and gifts and says things he doesn't mean. Of course it would be great to have both things, but don't get too greedy!

L3: Great. So what do you do about all those young men who cannot enlist due to flat feet, heart problems, mental health issues, etc. One size does not fit all and not everyone would benefit from bootcamp. And people do drop out of bootcamp.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#6
May 6, 2013
 

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LW1: It sounds to me like he's taking the advice you just gave. You need to move along with your life and repair your relationship with your son.

LW2: You sound like a total PITA. Either accept him the way he is, or move along.

LW3: And this helps the original LW how?
Cass

Upland, CA

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#7
May 6, 2013
 

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LW1 - You are bitter. You lost your marriage over your affair, and the affair didn't pan out for you either, so now you want to screw the woman over. Nice.

LW2 - He is not that into you.

LW3 - So, what should the original LW do about it? Campaign for universal draft? And that will get her slug of a BIL of her couch how?
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#8
May 6, 2013
 
LW1: What Red and Cass said.

LW2: If he loves you and treats you with respect, maybe it's you who needs to adjust. Some guys just don't do the fairytale romantic stuff.

LW3: LW has a good point. I have noticed that men who have served are for the most part mature and disciplined. But Cass is right. The original LW needs her BIL off her couch and that requires getting her husband on board and dishing out some tough love.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#9
May 6, 2013
 

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You're such a smart girl, no wonder I have a crush on you!
Stina wrote:
I vote for RACE today!!!
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#10
May 6, 2013
 

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RACE wrote:
You're such a smart girl, no wonder I have a crush on you!
<quoted text>
Yeah, I know!:D

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

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#11
May 6, 2013
 
LW2 - you sure he considers himself to be your BF and not jsut a friend...? if he "can't" be affectionate & romatic, maybe you're over estmating the situation...

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#12
May 6, 2013
 

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LW1: I suspect this is not about being the upstanding guy you claim to be and more about getting even.
I say MYOB. His marriage is none of your concern and you certainly would not be contemplating doing this had things worked out between his wife and you.

LW2: Absence tends to make the heart grow fonder. I donít understand that. Maybe he just isnít very good at expressing his feelings. I donít know how you fix that easily Ö you either can or you canít.

LW3: Yeah, let's set national policy so that everyone has to go to boot camp, just cause some kids have no ambition in life.

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