Abby 9-10

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“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Sep 10, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: I am a 75-year-old man who lives in a gated community. For the last eight months I have been seeing a woman who lives nearby. We are starting to fall in love.

Our problem is her 95-year-old mother, who lives with her. Her mom is pretty healthy and has some money, but she's scared to be left alone. Because of this, my lady and I have difficulty finding private time.

We get out for short periods, but we'd like to go away for a weekend together. If we suggest it, Mom makes a stink and gets nasty with her daughter. We have tried talking with her about it, but she refuses, sulks and won't talk for days.

She's suffering from slight dementia, but gets around OK with a walker. Mom claims she doesn't want or need a "grandma sitter." She wants only her daughter to take care of her and be with her. Any help would be appreciated.-- COURTING TROUBLE IN ARIZONA

DEAR COURTING: If your lady friend wants to have any life of her own, she will have to stiffen her spine and deal with Mama. This includes not allowing her mother's sulking to prevent the two of you from having an occasional weekend together.

She should contact assisted-living facilities in the area and find out if they will accept guests for short stays of only a few days or a week. If the answer is yes, Mama should be offered a choice: Either someone comes to stay with her while you're gone, a friend perhaps, or she will have to stay elsewhere because being alone is not an option.

DEAR ABBY: My brother died earlier this year due to an overdose. His wife and one of my sisters lived with him. They also gave him the drugs that caused his death.

Abby, they are treating Mom, my husband and me like dirt. Mom had no say in the funeral at all. You would think that since she was the mother, the wife would have included her. They have been having parties ever since the funeral and spending the money left and right, while not paying the mortgage on the house.

They have turned my other sister against us, blocked us on social media and cut us off completely. They also turned another part of the family against us. I know it involves drug abuse on the part of all of them. We didn't do anything to them other than bring forth evidence of what they did and confront them.

I have no idea how to trust or to build a relationship with them again if they ever decide to come back into our lives. It's painful to deal with a death, and then more trials on top of that. Any advice?-- BROKENHEARTED IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: I'm sorry for your loss, but please recognize that when relatives are as dysfunctional as yours, it's safer for you, your husband and your mother to move on. And if they do decide to come back into your lives, for the sake of your sanity, run the other way.

DEAR ABBY: Are there any letters or topics you won't touch with a 10-foot pole?-- JUST WONDERING

DEAR WONDERING: None come to mind. At one point or another, this column has addressed darn near everything and may have offended almost everyone.

Since: Feb 10

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#2
Sep 10, 2013
 

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"We haven't done anything to them except accuse them of murder..."

I must have missed something...why do you want them in your lives? Doesn't really matter though. They aren't paying the mortgage, so sooner or later they will be booted out following the foreclosure, and will eventually wind up on your doorstep. There will be plenty of time to let them in at that point so they can start stealing your crap to buy more drugs (assuming your version of the story is accurate)

Since: Jan 10

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#3
Sep 10, 2013
 

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L1: Maybe Mom will have a nasty fall down some stairs soon.

L2: I hear about these crazy dysfunctional families in letters like this, but I don't actually KNOW any.

L3: Um, wrong. Prudie and Dan Savage took two separate letters from two gay twin brothers who were having sex with one another. I don't think Abby would take that letter and print it.

Since: Jan 10

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#4
Sep 10, 2013
 
itser wrote:
"We haven't done anything to them except accuse them of murder..."
I must have missed something...why do you want them in your lives? Doesn't really matter though. They aren't paying the mortgage, so sooner or later they will be booted out following the foreclosure, and will eventually wind up on your doorstep. There will be plenty of time to let them in at that point so they can start stealing your crap to buy more drugs (assuming your version of the story is accurate)
Given that she's still trying to hav a relationship with these people, I think you're completely right.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#5
Sep 10, 2013
 

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1 Amazing how much power a little old lady has, isn't it?

2 How can these drug fueled losers manage to turn so many people against you? If they are all involved in drugs to the point of not paying the mortgage, why on earth do you want to hang with them?
More to the story than you are letting on, and I bet it has to do with Money.

3 Team red

Since: Feb 10

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#6
Sep 10, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L2: I hear about these crazy dysfunctional families in letters like this, but I don't actually KNOW any.
Stop by for my next family reunion...I will introduce ya.

I tend to either laugh it off or walk away from it, but my family has loads of drama and dysfunction. Drug abuse isn't very common, but lots of feuding and maliciousness. The only good thing about losing my parents at a fairly young age is that I don't have to deal with the worst of them at all anymore.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#7
Sep 10, 2013
 
LW1: What Abby said.

LW2: You want them in your life, why? Are you a masochist?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#8
Sep 10, 2013
 
LW1: You better think long and hard about being with someone that can't manage a compromise with their parent, no matter how old that parent is. Because the way it looks now, this woman will be controlled by her mother until (and probably after) the old lady dies.

LW2: First, I can't understand why you still care about these people. Second, have fun when your mama lets them move in with her when they get evicted.

But as someone else mentioned, there seems to be more to this story and it is probably money.

LW3: Well, it certainly isn't stoopid questions.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#9
Sep 10, 2013
 
L1: Seriously? Get a grandma sitter and go have fun. Let the old lady sulk.

L2: Crazy. I'm with Itser. Also, the person who wrote the letter wants the drama. Why else would she have accused them of anything? You would ignore them not jump in a start accusing them of shyte.

L3: I don't think two gay twin brothers would THINK of writing Abby.
pde

Schaumburg, IL

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#10
Sep 10, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Given that she's still trying to hav a relationship with these people, I think you're completely right.
Reading closely, does it sound like she's accusing everyone who has turned against her of being drug abusers? Not just the ex-SIL and sister, but the other sister and the other relatives who have chosen to cut them off as well.

Either she knows a darn lot of drug abusers, or there's something fishy.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#11
Sep 10, 2013
 
1- Ironic. A 15 yr old and a 75 yr old can have the same problem.

2- So how about screw them?

3- I'm still working on something juicy to try to sneak in on her. Just to see if she'll print it.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#12
Sep 10, 2013
 

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LW2: I am pretty sure they didn't hold a gun to the brother's head when he took the drugs and OD'd

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#13
Sep 10, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
1 Amazing how much power a little old lady has, isn't it?
2 How can these drug fueled losers manage to turn so many people against you? If they are all involved in drugs to the point of not paying the mortgage, why on earth do you want to hang with them?
More to the story than you are letting on, and I bet it has to do with Money.
3 Team red
team race on #2

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#14
Sep 10, 2013
 

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I also love how lw 2 blames them for giving him the drugs, as if he was some choir boy that they force drugs into. I' m guessing the situation is nothing close to described and that lw is the crazy one

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

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#15
Sep 10, 2013
 
L1: Starting to fall in love? They better get going, not much time to finish.
Sounds like they might be in Sun City where there are plenty of resources to stay with mom. The problem is the daughter who won't go for that solution. Besides, with a little dementia maybe mom won't remember they were gone for a few days.

Edogg, "3- I'm still working on something juicy to try to sneak in on her. Just to see if she'll print it."

You can tell her about blow-up Barbie, we haven't seen one like that.

Since: Feb 10

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#16
Sep 10, 2013
 
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Reading closely, does it sound like she's accusing everyone who has turned against her of being drug abusers? Not just the ex-SIL and sister, but the other sister and the other relatives who have chosen to cut them off as well.
Either she knows a darn lot of drug abusers, or there's something fishy.
Yeah, I got that too. Gotta wonder which side of this has the biggest issues. LW seems to loooooooove the drama.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#17
Sep 10, 2013
 
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Reading closely, does it sound like she's accusing everyone who has turned against her of being drug abusers? Not just the ex-SIL and sister, but the other sister and the other relatives who have chosen to cut them off as well.
Either she knows a darn lot of drug abusers, or there's something fishy.
I went back to check the letter. They haven't legalized pot in FL yet have they?

Since: Feb 10

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#18
Sep 10, 2013
 
dahgts wrote:
You can tell her about blow-up Barbie, we haven't seen one like that.
Dear Abby,
My husband bought one of those blow-up dolls to keep in his car, allowing him to use the carpool lanes. The problem is that he named her, and bought her an extensive wardrobe, and is now taking her on the vacation that he and I have been saving for for years. He even buys her nicer jewelry that he buys for me. I think she is stealing him from me. What should I do???

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#19
Sep 10, 2013
 

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Stina2 wrote:
LW2: I am pretty sure they didn't hold a gun to the brother's head when he took the drugs and OD'd
That's a pretty insensitive thing to say about someone with a drug addiction.

You don't give booze to an alcoholic, you don't give drugs to junkies.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

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#20
Sep 10, 2013
 

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RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: Maybe Mom will have a nasty fall down some stairs soon.
L2: I hear about these crazy dysfunctional families in letters like this, but I don't actually KNOW any.
L3: Um, wrong. Prudie and Dan Savage took two separate letters from two gay twin brothers who were having sex with one another. I don't think Abby would take that letter and print it.
I don't think Amby would touch anything with a ten-foot pole taht Dan would take care of, and he'd be very appropriate about it too...

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