“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Dec 1, 2012
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend "Alex's" mom is the most controlling person I have ever encountered. We only get to see each other on weekends because he lives an hour away from me. When we do see each other, it's for one-third of the day. Alex has to spend the other two-thirds with her. I'm 22 and he is 21.

He is also not allowed to stay with me. Alex has to lie to her about where he's staying in order to be able to spend time with me. His mom has added a feature to his cellphone in order to see where he is 24/7, and would cancel his service if he refused it.

I love my boyfriend unconditionally, but his mom is driving us both crazy and turning our relationship into a trio. We have tried getting her to back off, but it just makes her worse. I am at a loss as to what to do. What do you think we should do?-- EXTREMELY WORRIED IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR EXTREMELY WORRIED: Frankly, you should be worried. Your boyfriend is an adult who seems to be firmly under his mother's thumb. He is completely dependent. At 21, Alex's activities should not be monitored, nor should he be spending two-thirds of his day with his mother. If nothing else, he should be looking for a job so he can sever the umbilical cord before it strangles him. You can't fix this. He has to do it.

DEAR ABBY: My former roommate and I took a short trip to Florida. We agreed we would split the hotel costs. I'd reserve the room; she would reimburse me after the trip.

She paid me a month later, and I deposited her check as soon as I could get to my bank, which was three weeks later. When the check went through, she attacked me because she said it drained her account! I apologized, but told her I was upset that she was making it seem like it was my fault.

I think that if someone is low on funds, the person should be more diligent in balancing his or her checkbook. Had I known she had money problems, I would have waited to deposit her check. It has been months, and my once best friend still won't speak to me. Was I wrong?-- AT FAULT? IN KENTUCKY

DEAR AT FAULT?: No, you were not. It was your friend's responsibility to make sure there were enough funds in her account to cover the check she gave you. She may be embarrassed, which is why she doesn't want to talk to you. People who are angry at themselves sometimes blame others. It's a sign of immaturity.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Kristen" for seven months. She is great as far as personality, physical chemistry, similar likes and dislikes, and patience go. She is almost everything I have ever wanted in a girl. However, I have never called her "beautiful," although she has made a couple of "fishing" comments to try to get me to say it. In my eyes, that would be a lie.

Kristen is attractive, but not beautiful. I have always thought that anyone I'm planning on spending the rest of my life with would be "beautiful" to me, and I'd let her know accordingly. I can't discuss this with family or friends because I'm afraid they will think I'm shallow. Your thoughts?-- NOT SHALLOW IN PHOENIX

DEAR NOT SHALLOW: Candidly, I think that in spite of all of her wonderful qualities, Kristen is not "the one" for you. And you are not "the one" for her because what she needs is validation you can't give her. Women need to feel beautiful in the eyes of the men they love, and because you plan to spend your life with someone who is beautiful "to you," you should both move on.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#2 Dec 1, 2012
Whatever reason LW1 is disliked by Alex's "mommy", LW1
needs to decide whether LW1 can empower Alex to be a
part of LW1's life or whether that is an unrealistic idea.(Don't know if LW1 is a man or woman from the letter.)

LW2 cannot rescue that "friend" from her own poor budgeting habits.

LW3 is shallow.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#3 Dec 1, 2012
1- Wow, the first case of a woman who hates her boyfriend's/fiance's/husband's mother!

2- Well that's too bad, she should watch her finances more carefully. Had a landlord that would sit on all my rent checks for like three months and cash them all at once, wiping out my account. Cash them when I give them to you, jerk!

3- You sound like a d!ck
Advice from the Trailer

Trumbull, CT

#4 Dec 1, 2012
LW 1: You must really be hard up!

LW 2: Your friend is a psycho

LW 3: Post a photo, we'll decide.

Since: Mar 09

Boynton Beach, FL

#5 Dec 1, 2012
L1: WTF, he's 21 and his mom pays for his cell phone? He needs to draw some major boundaries, stick to them, and pay for his own crap (including rent, so he can get away from mommy). If he's not willing to do these things, run.

L2: Your friend is wrong, she should have accounted for the money when she wrote the check, regardless of how long it floated. Having said that... come on, the soonest you could get to the bank was three weeks? Do you live in the wilds of Alaska? Also, there's an app for depositing checks on your phone.

Since: Mar 09

Boynton Beach, FL

#6 Dec 1, 2012
L3: Oops, skipped it because I forgot it wasn't a rehash. Anyway, Abby nailed it.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#7 Dec 1, 2012
L1: Until he buys his own phone, pays for his own phone service, and moves out and pays his own way through life, he's going ot keep letting mommy call the shots because he needs her money.

L2: Tell her that it's not YOUR fault that she doesn't balance her checking account (if she'd accounted for the check she wrote to you, it wouldn't matter when you cashed it). Honestly, I'd hand a friend $500 cash for a debt before I'd hand her a check (if she was okay with that). Most people don't go to banks regularly.

L3: I disagree with Abby. I don't think Nick thinks I'm beautiful, but he loves me anyway. I think I'm cute enough for him. Fine by me.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#8 Dec 1, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L3: I disagree with Abby. I don't think Nick thinks I'm beautiful, but he loves me anyway. I think I'm cute enough for him. Fine by me.
But she WANTS to be called beautiful. I'm glad you're content with your looks, but this woman needs/wants a self-image/confidence boost. The boyfriend isn't willing to give her that.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#9 Dec 1, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
But she WANTS to be called beautiful. I'm glad you're content with your looks, but this woman needs/wants a self-image/confidence boost. The boyfriend isn't willing to give her that.
True. That means she IS beautiful and awnts to hear it. I have a friend like that. He gets in trouble whe he doesn't tell her often enough that she's beautiful.

You'd think some very beautiful chick would be more confident in her looks than that. turns out, I am more confident in my average looks than she is in her 10 looks.
Kuuipok

Salinas, CA

#10 Dec 1, 2012
LW1: You can only call your own shots when you have your own money.

LW2: You were not wrong, but you both need to let go of this if you want to continue to be friends.

LW3: You are focused on the wrapping and not the gift. You should let this woman go so that she can find someone who will cherish her.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#11 Dec 1, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
That means she IS beautiful
According to the boyfriend, she isn't.

Since: Mar 09

Boynton Beach, FL

#12 Dec 1, 2012
Geez, I never ponder being called beautiful or not. Tell me I look nice when it's obvious I've made an effort and I'm good. I figure if there was no physical attraction we wouldn't be dating in the first place.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#13 Dec 1, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
Geez, I never ponder being called beautiful or not. Tell me I look nice when it's obvious I've made an effort and I'm good. I figure if there was no physical attraction we wouldn't be dating in the first place.
You're more beautiful than a sunset in the Sahara.

Since: Mar 09

Boynton Beach, FL

#14 Dec 1, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
You're more beautiful than a sunset in the Sahara.
Mwah!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#15 Dec 1, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
Geez, I never ponder being called beautiful or not. Tell me I look nice when it's obvious I've made an effort and I'm good. I figure if there was no physical attraction we wouldn't be dating in the first place.
I agree. I don't like my new haircut, and I know Nick doesn't either, but if I complain, he says sweet things that almost sound true. ;)

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