“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Aug 15, 2014
DEAR AMY: I have a 3-year-old child. During the pregnancy it became very clear I would be a single parent. My ex is not able to provide a stable environment for our daughter. He drinks heavily and involves himself with people (and some family members) who do illegal activities.

He often claims he loves our daughter but says he feels undeserving because he can't support her, and he says this is the reason he doesn't see her. However, he has done nothing to better himself or disconnect from bad influences. He rarely sees her and isn't physically, emotionally or financially supportive.

His family seems to believe that I have ousted him from our lives and that this is the reason he is not taking on the full role of a loving father.

How do I correct this idea with his family without crossing any lines or being disrespectful? I want our daughter to know both families, but I don't want to take the blame for someone else's immature actions.-- Single Mom

DEAR MOM: You should tell these family members the truth as you see it. You say, "I'm doing the best I can. I'm sorry my ex is having such a hard time, and I hope he'll get it together someday. He knows I want the best for him."

Mainly, this is for your own satisfaction, because these family members will believe what they want to believe. You should never criticize your ex to your child or to his family, because there is simply no point. Let his actions speak for him, and continue to advocate for your daughter to have peaceful, loving relationships with people who will be positive role models for her.

DEAR AMY: I live on a wonderful street with my husband and two children. We love our street and everybody that lives on it.

Our next-door neighbors have a privacy fence surrounding a portion of their backyard. The bottom half of one of the panels is broken off, and it's big enough for my daughter or the neighbors' children to kneel on the ground and put their face up to the fence.

Sounds crazy, but this has become an intrusive problem. We have had company over, dinners outside, and a lot of playtime interrupted by their children. Either they stare at us while we're playing or eating, or they call my daughter to the fence constantly and order her around (she's younger than they are). These kids even call over to us from the fence and invite themselves over!

There have been many dinners and playtimes interrupted by my daughter being called over to the fence because the neighbors' children are staring at us. Sometimes we don't even want to go outside when we know these kids are out and will come over to the fence.

I would love to fix the fence or put a board over the broken piece, but it is not our fence and it is not on our property. What should we do?-- Frustrated in my Backyard

DEAR FRUSTRATED: In a world gone mad, I take some comfort in the idea that your domestic life is being ruined by children peering through a broken fence. Life must otherwise be very tranquil for this to qualify as an unsolvable problem.

These are your neighbors. You say you are close to them.

Here's the first thing you do (use your "outside voice"): "Kids -- KNOCK IT OFF. Get away from the fence, please. You're driving us bonkers."

The second thing you do is to say to the parents: "Could you do us a favor and repair your fence in the back? The kids are playing Tom Sawyer back there and driving us crazy. I'd be happy to repair it myself, if you want."

DEAR AMY: I don't understand why you would criticize "Worried Wife" for looking in her husband's cellphone. Married people should not have secrets.-- Happily Married

DEAR MARRIED: Married people should not have secrets, but even married people have a right to privacy. Many of us have professional or family communication that we do not want to share, even with a loving spouse.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 Aug 15, 2014
1 So, you were into sex, drugs and rock and roll till you got knocked up. Then you realized your BF was not going to clean up just because you did. You chose to spread your legs to this man and it was all good, for a while. Glad you got your sheit together, but you knew the man you were balling, so why are you surprised?

2 WTF if preventing you from putting a privacy fence ON YOUR PROPERTY? How flipping hard is that?

3 Amy-Translation: Whats mine is mine, and what's yours is mine.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#3 Aug 15, 2014
LW1: Tell them what he said about why he doesnít see her.

LW2: Use your words.

IF you donít want your own child to go over by the fence, tell her not to come over by the fence, duh.

If you donít want to be bothered by the children, tell them you are busy and now is not a good time for company, duh.

If you canít handle using your words like a big person, then build your own fence. What the hell would you do if your neighbor didnít have a fence?

LW3: A married person also shouldnít feel like he/she lives with a prison warden who periodically goes through all their belongs to make sure there is no contraband.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#4 Aug 15, 2014
1- I think race nailed this one

2- how dare we allow our children to play together!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#5 Aug 15, 2014
2. Plant a bush on your side. One with thorns. American Barberry is available at Home Deport and is cheap

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Aug 15, 2014
RACE wrote:
2 WTF if preventing you from putting a privacy fence ON YOUR PROPERTY?
??? Wtf? If your neighbor already has a fence, are you suggesting that you would build your own fence butted right u against theirs? I have never seen anything like that in my life. This lw needs to either get the neighbir to fix it, fix it herself and let the neighbor know, or put a potted plant or some other obstruction right up against the opening. Something he kids won't be able to move or see thru.,

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#7 Aug 15, 2014
PEllen wrote:
2. Plant a bush on your side. One with thorns. American Barberry is available at Home Deport and is cheap
This would work, but from the description, it sounds like a few planks are just broken at the bottom. If its a standard 6 ft wooden fence, planks are less than $2 each. Just fix the damn thing and be done with it. 5 minutes work.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#8 Aug 15, 2014
Really? You have never seen that? I have seen it quite often (granted it is the exception, not the rule).
You cant make your neighbor fix a fence with a hole in it.
You cant make repairs to your neighbors fence except to prevent if from collapsing onto your property.

Potted plant or pricker bush are good suggestions, how about a honey bee hive?
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
??? Wtf? If your neighbor already has a fence, are you suggesting that you would build your own fence butted right u against theirs? I have never seen anything like that in my life. This lw needs to either get the neighbir to fix it, fix it herself and let the neighbor know, or put a potted plant or some other obstruction right up against the opening. Something he kids won't be able to move or see thru.,

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#9 Aug 15, 2014
What they should do is paint target circles on their side of the fence with the bullseye being the hole where the kids stick their head thru.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
??? Wtf? If your neighbor already has a fence, are you suggesting that you would build your own fence butted right u against theirs? I have never seen anything like that in my life. This lw needs to either get the neighbir to fix it, fix it herself and let the neighbor know, or put a potted plant or some other obstruction right up against the opening. Something he kids won't be able to move or see thru.,

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#10 Aug 15, 2014
Race,
I have a honey bee hive. It's at my mom's house because she lives out in the country.
It's one of the coolest things I have ever gotten.
Those bees have no interest in humans whatsoever and you can go right up next to their hive and they don't mind. They don't even seem to notice unless you start messing with them.
That honey right out of the hive is some of the best tasting food I have ever had.
Don't buy honey from a store though, because it has been pasteurized.
You have to buy it from a local beekeeper who does not feed their bees sugar syrup and who does not treat them with any chemicals in order to get the real deal. It has to be raw honey. That's what they call it, raw indicates the good stuff
If honey is pasteurized and filtered, like store bought honey, in essence it is only a sweetener and all the beneficial enzymes and pollen and other good stuff is lost.
I'm going to get a few more hives for next year too.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#11 Aug 15, 2014
I was thinking of you when I wrote it.
loose cannon wrote:
Race,
I have a honey bee hive. It's at my mom's house because she lives out in the country.
It's one of the coolest things I have ever gotten.
Those bees have no interest in humans whatsoever and you can go right up next to their hive and they don't mind. They don't even seem to notice unless you start messing with them.
That honey right out of the hive is some of the best tasting food I have ever had.
Don't buy honey from a store though, because it has been pasteurized.
You have to buy it from a local beekeeper who does not feed their bees sugar syrup and who does not treat them with any chemicals in order to get the real deal. It has to be raw honey. That's what they call it, raw indicates the good stuff
If honey is pasteurized and filtered, like store bought honey, in essence it is only a sweetener and all the beneficial enzymes and pollen and other good stuff is lost.
I'm going to get a few more hives for next year too.

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